Comments on: Dear BMWK, I’m Confused and Need Advice

By: Penny

Penny — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 04:25:24 +0000

Love the Dad’s comment: “but does he have goals, an ambition to work, etc…? Or is his job going to be just rubbing your feet when you get home and are you cool with that? “. If all I need is someone to rub my feet, I’m good with the no job as long as he keeps the “no” theme. What is the “No” Theme? Glad you asked. You the man have no job, Me the woman have No sex, No money – loans gifts or promises, No borrowing my car, No spending nights on my couch or in my bed – rub my feet and keep it pushing (I may make an occasional meal in return for the foot rub, but even that’s not a guarantee and the No embargo remains in effect) and most importantly – drum roll please…..No discussions of “our future together” until you get your present together.

By: Teanna

Teanna — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 16:24:39 +0000

I think the man you’re with has all the qualities that matter most. Sure money is important and mainly that he can provide for your family if it comes to that. There also is nothing wrong with standing by someone you care about during hard times. I don’t think you were very clear…. you said that he has no job, that he has no car and stays with his sister….but you didn’t say if he wants to work, is looking or just a bum. I think that can better help us to advise you.

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 03:11:44 +0000

Anonymous said:
i think you have this twisted. why are you so determined to find a man? your kids need you to parent not try to find that perfect man for yourself. your time will come when they are not depending on you, so wait it out, focus on the kids and put the man thing on the back burner
~~~~~~~~
I did not want to seem mean but this was also my thought.

I think that it has to be difficult to get to know a man if he does not have a J O B. The character of a man is evaluated by his work ethics. I don’t care where the man works but if he takes pride in his job and knowing that he put in a honest day of work for an honest days pay to me that = his character. It is nice to raise kids with a mate/spouse. Our choices/circumstances do make us “single parents”. We don’t have to seek and make it our mission to have a dad/mom in our kids lives for the children who are in ours, if we are only doing it for the sake of the kids who are only in our homes to raise for a brief “momemt”, don’t you get stuck with a mate that you can’t communicate with and divorce = an option. Just my Gibber Gabber. Is Gibber Jabber spelled with a “G or a J”? I did go to a public school. LOL.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:25:16 +0000

i think you have this twisted. why are you so determined to find a man? your kids need you to parent not try to find that perfect man for yourself. your time will come when they are not depending on you, so wait it out, focus on the kids and put the man thing on the back burner.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:36:58 +0000

think

By: Kemi

Kemi — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:08:07 +0000

I’d like you to get Steve Harvey’s book. It explains when you’re starting to date someone, you give them a 3 month probationary period, which means you get to know them, if they’re stable and don’t engage in s*x with them. This period allows you the opportunity to decide if he’s a keeper or if you should walk away. Second, the following questions should be asked right away if you’re dating, what are your short term goals?, what are your long term goals and where do I fit in them? and how do you feel about me? If those questions are answered and you don’t fit anywhere in the equation then it’s time to put up a flag. Third, if you’re dating for awhile and if in introductions he doesn’t refer to you as his lady, woman, girlfriend, wifey etc. etc., you aren’t and he doesn’t see that way. If you’re the one, a man will tell the next man you’re his woman so the next man will know not to approach you that way. I think you should wait at least until this new guy in your life is stable and has a job before you get really involved with him. A man must have 3 things before he gets involved with the ‘one’. He must know who is he, what he does (status) and how money he makes to provide, protect and support his family. Hope I didn’t get all preachy but I hate to hear about sistas getting their hearts broken over and over again. This book should have been around like yesterday. BMWK, I’m not endorsing Steve’s Harvey book on your website . I just hope this advice helps! LOL

By: MissJay

MissJay — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:28:36 +0000

I agree with Tiya. Her post was pretty much exactly what I would have posted. Good luck to you. And if this one doesn’t work out, stay in prayer(even if it does work out).

By: Tiya

Tiya — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:38:15 +0000

I agree with was said above, definitely find out, if you don’t already know, what his work habits have been and sit him down and ask him about his career goals and his dreams and what’s his plan to get them. If it doesn’t sound right or sound like he’s not motivated at all, then you have to do what you have to do. But, if he does have a plan and is working toward that, then I suggest being there for him as far as support and encouragement. If everything else is there as far as the respect and support he is giving you, it’s okay for you to show him that same support.

By: Lamar

Lamar — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:03:31 +0000

I forgot to add that you should wait to see what his job situation turns into to if you're not sure what type of character he has when it comes to this area. A lot of women make the mistake of rushing their emotions into the situation by falling madly in love, sleeping with a man and then letting him move in before they've thoroughly check the guy out. Take your time and all of your questions about him will be answered in one way or another. Lamars last blog post..Dear BMWK, I’m Confused and Need Advice

By: LaKeyshaF

LaKeyshaF — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:39:48 +0000

I think you should make it clear that the relationship will not move to deeper waters until he gets back on his feet.

As was said above…it DOES make a difference why he is going through hard times. Is it the current economy (just lost a job)…or is he one to say that there are just no jobs out there?…All the time you knew your BFF was he working/living on his own/taking care of his?

If you choose to take the relationship further then you must ask yourself how you would feel 10 years later and the situation is the same. Is that something that you can accept? If not…just give it some time.

If he’s worth the effort he will already be working on getting his situation straight so that he will have something to offer you.

But right now it sounds like he’s more in need of a supportive friend than a girlfriend.