On The Web: Young couple moves in with her ex-husband

On the Web

by Lamar Tyler | on March 27th, 2009 | 12 comments

Are times really this hard?

Struggling to make ends meet, trying to dig themselves out of debt, Nicole Thompson-Arce and her husband have moved in with her ex-husband.

Together, the unlikely threesome of Omaha, Nebraska, is raising two young daughters from the first marriage.

The transition has been smooth and great for the kids, Thompson-Arce said. And for their benefit, irrespective of finances, she thinks it’s a living situation they’ll stick with for at least five to 10 years. It has, however, taken a little time for the little ones to get the story straight.

Seven-year-old Victoria went back to school after winter break — and after the whole team had blended under one roof — and started telling people this: ” ‘My mommy has two husbands,’” Thompson-Arce remembered. “I was like, ‘No, honey, don’t tell them that!’”

What she and both men hope the girls are learning is that divorced parents can work together and be friends.

For the full story go here.

Is the economy bad enough to make you do this?

Will this help or hurt the children?

Does this make sense or some level or is it just crazy?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Harriet

if they like it, i love it…but on the surface it just seems like there’s a lot of potential problems that could arise out of this. what if she wants to express her gratitude for her ex husband’s generosity in a sexual way, just for old times’ sake?

it also seems like they’re taking advantage of this man…5-10 years?!? come on!

i can understand why the children are confused.
LaKeysha

I don’t know how in the world they are making this work!

One major rule in my marriage is to have cut off all relationships with our ex’s. (Still polite because we see a lot of them regularly but realizing that there should not be anything other than that).

I understand that you have to have a lot more contact with an ex that you have children with but living with them?

How do you maintain those boundaries that you have to create after leaving a relationship? There is an intimacy that comes with living with someone especially when you’ve been intimate with them. I would NEVER allow my husbands ex to move in with us! I don’t care how desperate (I may refer her somewhere else…but MY house!?!). Thats asking for trouble. You also have to realize that there WAS something that attracted you to that Ex initially and even though they may have broken some rules (hence the end of the relationship) those other positive qualities still remain.

I don’t WANT to remember how funny/sweet/thoughtful/attractive etc. my ex was and it will be even more difficult if my current spouse is negligent in that area. How horrible would it be to have a daily minute-by-minute reminder? Then it would be hard to stay out of their business living in the same house…and dont let an issue come up and the two ex’s agree and the spouse is outnumbered…WHEW! All type of mess would come from this. I don’t even think that there IS a maturity level to be able to deal with this situation because it wasn’t meant to be. It’s a horrible idea. It may be working now but I have serious doubts that it will last without issue.
Anna

To me some things are culture. The economy may be bad but some ppl are just crazy enough and do this. (I have white ppl in my family). LOL. Were my cousins effected by this way of living. Not really, what’s crazy to some is normal living for others. Would I do this, heck no. An ex is an ex for a reason.
dede

that only works for someone who is white and lives in Nebraska!!
please give me a break. now that would make for a good reality show
MissJay

That’s just too much for me. I could halfway understand but like another poster said, 5-10 years is just taking advantage. Even if they are doing it for the children as they claim, they could move next door or across the street or a couple of doors down if they want to stay close for the sake of the children. After a while they will grow to understand that it shouldn’t be like that.
CartersMom

All I say is HELLLLL NO. What they are doing is dead ass wrong. It’s good to know that everyone gets along well for the children sake but living together is just a little too much. I understand that times are hard but to share the same mailing address I personnally think is ludicrous in reality this can only work in a white household.
Anonymous

LMAO @ “in reality this can only work in a white household”
Baby, I know that’s right!!
lol
ewok

Hey, to each his own. One person’s normal is not another person’s normal. If they can make it work……

There could be some hanky panky on all of their parts too. You never know what kind of action goes on behind closed doors. Just a thought..

I would not do it..no way, no how…that’s not MY normal at all.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Ronnie

I have seen it work with black people. I had a close friend whose boyfriend’s ex-wife lived with them once. They were all friends and got along well. If I did not know them, I would say this would never work. But it did. They were like one big family, working together to take care of the kids. The ex-wife dated other men… It’s weird ..but it worked.

But I don’t think I would ever agree to something like that.
Sherre

It’s not for me!
Anna

I think that most of us are in agreeness(I went to public school it’s a word to me)LOL. This is a “white thing”.
Teanna

First all, I just want to say, if the 2nd husband can’t take care of the woman and her children, he is not doing his job as a husband. And that’s just crazy, you can tell the children are confused, thinking that their mom has 2 husbands. Since she’s in the situation now, she needs to find a way to get out asap and not the 5-10 years she stated in the story.