Comments on: Dear BMWK, Single Brother Needs Advice

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 14:36:01 +0000

no matter how you look at this you will be step whatever to these kids. there is no way you can compete even to a dead beat dad that is just the way it is. be their friend that does not mean you have to buy them things or take them places but you do have to respect them. if i was a kid and you were doing those things i would like you too. you sound like a great guy and you deserve all that you desire but you do not sound like you are that young and with a list that long i pray you can fulfill your dream.

By: kmh20s

kmh20s — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:19:50 +0000

KeKeD

I am not hating at all. When I said the brother needs to “put out some cash or assistance” to facilitate his woman’s participation in hobbies what I meant is that hobbies are expensive and with 5 kids, I’m sure money is tight. Most people I know spend a lot of money on their hobbies (golf, travel, playing in a garage band) and it’s the hobby that is the first thing to go when money or time get tight.

The letter writer does live with this woman, he said he moved in with her to provide assistance and because she wanted them to be together. I still maintain that his attitude was one of she doesn’t HAVE dreams/goals as opposed to her her dreams/goals ARE DIFFERENT than mine.

At no point did I convey an attitude of hating or “brother I am better than you” because I have BEEN the letter writer. I have looked at a good decent solid family man and said “I’m sorry I want some thing different”. However, it was the best thing to do because eventually the letter writer will wish that he was living a different life.

By: KeKeD

KeKeD — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:33:41 +0000

Sounds like every one hear sees this as a not easy answer thang. And all parties involved are in a potential situation for some hearts to be hurt. But, kmh20s..seems to be slamming this brother..who had the courage to even write and send this!! First, it sounds like one of those, “its about what he can do for me” persons. Especaily cause it was said, “unless he’s willing to put out some serious cash or other assistance”..lol. Yet, the brother said he had given his car and his furniture to her..dammm.. As for the church thang, I thought church was about learning how to love folks outside of the church as well..so that maybe the may what to become part of it. Maybe she makes him feel that church is more important them him. And that remark about him “looking down on their mother and what’s she doing, while you are living in her house”. That was cold..he said he also came from out of a single parent home and doesnt even life with the sistah NOW!!

I hear some hating going on..”or worst..”You think you are better than me brother”..thang..lol. All I can say is, it’s not checkers in this game..its more like chess. And the Truth Is…Everyone’s Gonna Hurt You…You Just Have To Decide Who’s Worth The Pain! SO, I say..Brother is she and her children worth the pain?

By: MDUBB

MDUBB — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:48:13 +0000

Wow I didn't know church was a hobby for some folks. Actually now that I think about it, I've known many people like this. Either way I'd say that there is a whole lot going on with her and the fact your keenly aware of it, means you have doubts where you'll fit in with all that so.....I don't know, as other have stated earlier I'm also dealing with someone right now who has a lot on her plate too. MDUBBs last blog post..Chopsticks Only

By: kmh20s

kmh20s — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:56:19 +0000

i’m not downing the letter writer, but it may be time for him to move on.

unless he’s willing to put out some serious cash or other assistance, a woman with five kids who is active in church and working towards a promotion is not going to suddenly develop “hobbies”. oh wait, she does have a hobby and it’s church. what’s wrong with that? when i look at my church i see opportunities to travel, participate in sports, do community service, learn computers, etc.

this woman DOES have a dream and she is working towards it. Her dream/goal is to provide a solid foundation (spiritually and financially) for her children. Maybe her dreams and goals aren’t “glamorous”, but they are social and holistic. do her and yourself a favor and either appreciate this woman or let her find a man who does.

as for the kids, you will never be their dad. kids are smart, they get the fact that in some ways you are looking down on their mother and what’s she doing, while you are living in her house!

By: simply beautiful

simply beautiful — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:41:05 +0000

Dear Brother,
What a position you’re in! And to complicate it all with her 5 children. You mentioned something very intriguing to me..she is ‘married’ to her church. Mmmm. I happen to be a church-girl and I have a little insight for you. If she’s like I think–church is her hobby, her social network, her outlet for life’s stressors. She thinks she doesn’t need anything else. Not true. We all need social networks and to be healthy, those networks need to vary–not just home, church, work, church, home…Talk to her first. What other interests does she have. Perhaps she’s unsure about stepping outside of what she already has going on to venture into something new. After talking with her, then you need to evaluate. You sound so unsure about this relationship. I suggest you step back and take a look at what you want vs. what you have. Weigh carefully now…you have 5 children in the mix. And if you’ve never tried it before..you may want to take a page from the ‘church girls’ book–Pray about it.
Wait for an answer… and act accordingly.

simply beautifuls last blog post..Stepping Out on Faith

By: MissJay

MissJay — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:03:29 +0000

I think Lamar’s response was great. I identify with the part about guys buying their gf’s children things. In my experience it all depended on who was giving me the gifts. Some were cool. Others I was able to see right through it.

By: Lisa L.

Lisa L. — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:45:05 +0000

Time will tell if she is the woman for you. However, why don’t you try dating a woman with less children or older children.

By: DJ Ed Nice

DJ Ed Nice — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:31:44 +0000

This is a deep concept... I'm dealing with my own situation similar to this, so I'll refrain from comment... DJ Ed Nices last blog post..Happy Birthday DJ Ed-Nice

By: rawdawgbuffalo

rawdawgbuffalo — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:00:04 +0000

i refrain from givig advice - even as a practicing couseling psy. we let folks solve their own problems - such is dangerous rawdawgbuffalos last blog post..only thing worse than a recession