Do You Apologize?

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on March 31st, 2009 | 13 comments

Excerpt from an MSN article:

Young as I was (practically fetal, I swear), something was telling me that real lovers say they’re sorry quite often. Sincerely. Fervently, even. This is not because dismal feelings like shame and regret are necessary components of a relationship, but because without apology no relationship would be free of them. Everyone does things that bother or hurt others; a bit of inconvenient procrastination will do it, or a grumpy comment made in a stressful moment.

When we lack the ability to say we’re sorry, minor offenses eventually accumulate enough weight to sink any relationship. But the simple act of apologizing can reestablish goodwill even when our sins are much, much graver. Of course, it must be done right. A lame, badly constructed apology can do more damage than the original offense. Fortunately, the art of effective apology is simple, and mastering it can mean a lifetime of solid, resilient relationships.

As simple as it may seems some people have a real problem with the few short words that make up an apology and that inabliity to apologize can cripple your marriage and relationship. For the entire article click here.

BMWK family, do you have trouble apologizing to your spouse?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.thebottomofheaven.com Claudia

Great questions! I do apologize – all the time (but only when I’m wrong – LOL)! It is amazing how a few simple words that relieve the pressure and lighten the atmosphere around the house. Apologizing can be hard, but when things are really bad, it is the best way to open up discussion and solve the problem, instead of just stewing about it.

Claudias last blog post..TBoH’s Top 10 Villains in Black Popular Culture
Mom of 3

I apologize to my spouse all the time, however, my spouse is slow to forgive or accept apologies. He also very rarely apologizes for anything. I think that our marriage would be a lot better if he and I got on one accord with the art of forgiveness. Sometimes when I apologize to my husband, I am not necessarily convicted that what I did was wrong, but I have always been taught that you should apologize if you have done something that offends someone else.
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

Notice it’s a woman apologizing to a man in the picture because yall are always doing something. lol.

Nah just kidding, disclaimer before someone takes that serious. lol

Lamars last blog post..Do You Apologize?
Harriet

Yes, I’m definitely one to apologize. My husband has gotten a lot better at it, too…
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara Pringle Jefferson

Like Mom of 3 said, you might not think you did anything wrong, but if you offended the other person then it’s usually enough to warrant an apology, I think. I apologize before my husband even tells me he’s hurt, just by saying something like, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it in that tone,” or “Ooh, that was rude, wasn’t it?” Something quick and simple acknowledging the other person’s feelings is all that’s necessary sometimes.

Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Why It’s So Difficult to Raise a Toddler
Anna

All of the above comments are valid. I apologize when I know I am wrong but also apologize for my hubby having a bad day that had nothing to do with me. We know we love to debate but that’s our fun of being married. We know when to debate and know each others moods when we walk in the door. ( We usually know if we are going to have a good debate vs a serious one because we call each other at work). We know while at work what our converstion has set the tone for when we come home at the end of the day. Todays debate was “Prince” and his new CD that hubby bought and listened to over the weekend. I know hubby is a big Prince fan and I found myself apologizing for the CD he bought, because he wondered why the CD was so cheap. I told him “The economy sucks and maybe he just wanted an affordable CD for all to listen to”. I found myself reminding hubby that he has thousands of Prince songs to replay, and to relisten to the CD you bought, you might just have to get use to it.
Footnote: Prince has been a JW since 2001. His words in his music may have changed but his music skill are off the charts.
CartersMom

After being married for 4 yrs now and being with my husbands for 7 years, I am still trying to learn to apologize. I am the most stubborn person out there, I don’t believe in apology, but when I do say stuff amd I see how it affects my husbands then I will think about apologizing, but it is the hardest thing for me to do. I know I may sound juvenile and there is no justification for my behaviour,that’s just my personality. I also don’t expect my husband to apologize for something that he has thought hard about in his heart, I believe in say what you mean and if you truly believe in what you are saying then don’t apologize about it.
mlb

My husband tends to apologize more often than I. When he told me that apologizing frees one’s spirit, particularly the one who has been offended or wronged, it caused me to look at this easy and often neglected courtesy in a different way. Just like saying, please, thank you, you’re welcome…. saying “I apologize” can evoke a similar good feeling– especially if it is sincere. Let freedom ring!
Mrs. Edwards

i think is is real important! if u dont apologize then u both go to bed mad and u never lay your head on a pillow to go to sleep mad! NEVER!!
WAK

No, I don’t apologize for nothing for the simple fact I believe I’m gonna speak what I think is the truth. If the truth hurts then a person needs to get over it. I also don’t accept appologies because some people apologize all the time and most of them are half hearted. Try this; live life without apologizing. If you think about what you are about to do before you do it then live with the results.
Anna

WAK said:
No, I don’t apologize for nothing for the simple fact I believe I’m gonna speak what I think is the truth. If the truth hurts then a person needs to get over it. I also don’t accept appologies because some people apologize all the time and most of them are half hearted. Try this; live life without apologizing. If you think about what you are about to do before you do it then live with the results.
~~~~~~~
WOW.
Anonymous

love is never having to say i’m sorry.
Anna

Anonymous said:
love is never having to say i’m sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What! Is everyone so perfect that to apologize is not an option when you know you were wrong? I was so busy at work all week and hubby fed himself with fast food because I did not take anything out for dinner. I said “sorry babe”. It’s no big deal, we both work and he gets home before me.
Love is not suppose to hurt, but to say you are sorry is to apologize for forgetting to pick up something from the cleaners or setting the timer on the coffee maker. “Love is never having to say I’m sorry” If you care about someone and their feelings it is only “human” to say I am sorry or I apologize that I will be home late for dinner, or I apololgize because I don’t feel like going out to (our planned) dinner tonight. I guess the only time we are to use the words “I am sorry” is when someone dies. What happened to human connection?

Do You Apologize?

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