Daddy Swagger
by Eric Payne
Swagger is a word that’s been around for a long time but has been on the “come-up” as of late thanks to Jay-Z, Kanye, T.I., Lil’ Wayne and M.I.A.’s “Swagger Like Us.” I believe swagger begins internally as a state of mind. It has to otherwise it is nothing more than an act that fades over time. And real swagger is not an act. When someone really has swagger you can feel it radiating off of them no different than the way heat does when the oven is set to 400 degrees.
A few years ago when I accepted I was going to be a biological father I was quite panicked about the whole thing. Around this time, I happened to read an article in GQ magazine that put fathers into about 6 categories. The one that resonated with me the most was Prada Dad, the father everyone wants to know and be. In fact the Prada Dad is so cool, he makes childless men want to be fathers, and women…well I don’t need to go into that here. I pledged to be a Prada Dad even though I don’t own anything Prada.
President Obama (currently the king of swagger) has swagger for days and talks about his kids. Brad Pitt can’t seem to have kids fast enough and he’s got swagger, shouting out being a father. Will Smith has swagger and he is an outspoken family man. And the modern day father of swagger, Denzel — do I need to say more? The man doesn’t even need his last name to be identified by the masses. Now all of these men are celebrities and they have plenty of money and childcare assistance, but they do stand out. There are plenty of other men who are celebrities and choose to act a fool while keeping their kids a secret. The men I just listed proclaim fatherhood. It truly adds to their cool.
Before family life, I believed I was cool. And now that I’m a family man with wife and kids in tow I still am. But it’s a different kind of cool. I’m not stupid cool anymore. I’m really cool — that grown man cool that will last over the years, like a classic muscle car or a suit that won’t quit. And why do I maintain my cool? For my kids. I want my kids to know I’m cool so they know they can always come to me for anything. I want to be their superhero, their supercool dad that they’re not horrified to see when I come around the corner to pick them up from school. And I don’t intend for that to change as they grow older and wiser.
In my travels and at work when it comes out that I’m a father or that I’m the age that I am, people look at me almost bewildered. They stumble and stutter asking the following:
“But how…?”
“You don’t look like a…?”
“You’re…?”
As the father of a very confident, outspoken-toddler princess, many days I go to bed beat up and exhausted. At three years old she is just as much of a handful (sometimes more) as my thirteen year old boy. But I don’t have to wear this for the world to see. This is my badge of courage and I choose to wear it proudly and as stylishly as possible. The problem is that over time being a parent or married person has come to be associated with looking like who-did-it-and-ran. And that’s the real problem.
Swagger is a state of mind. It begins with you and it is determined by you. Parenthood can’t mess with that. In fact it should enhance it. It’s all about what you allow.
Does being a father/parent mean you’re not supposed to have swagger?
Does being a father/parent prevent you from having swagger?
If you’ve got swagger, how do you maintain it?
Originally from Chicago, Illinois, Eric Payne lives with his wife and kids just outside of New York City, where he works in the non-profit sector. He writes about married life and fatherhood at MakesMeWannaHoller.com and is the author of I See Through Eyes, a book of poetry and short stories.
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