Ebony Asks: Who’s Watching Your Kids?

Parenting

by Lamar Tyler | on March 12th, 2009 | 20 comments

The following is an excerpt from the current issue of Ebony Magazine:

It’s 3:30 p.m., and for many parents, a familiar anxiety about their child’s
after-school whereabouts begins to surface.
Relax.

Even though the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry estimates
that more that 40 percent of children are left home alone‹most often during
the hours of 3:30 p.m. To 6 p.m.‹technology is helping some parents monitor
the situation at home.

LaVonda Hilliard is just shy of her 13th birthday. She and her mother, Edna,
have a no-fail after-school ritual. Usually LaVonda goes straight home,
turns off the home alarm system and locks the doors behind her. Then she
begins her homework and perhaps prepares a snack‹all the while being
monitored by her mother, who is still at work watching her daughter on her
office computer.

“I can see when she comes into the front door and what time she makes it
home,” says Edna. “I really don’t consider her a latchkey kid because I am
watching.”

Pick up the current issue of Ebony with Beyonce on the cover to find out how Edna is watching her daughter, very interesting indeed!

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (20)

LaKeysha Thursday - 12 / 03 / 2009 Reply

Many people will not be able to afford this spy-cam stuff and this would also only work if you sit at a desk with a computer all day (which accomodates some but not all). The best solution is for our government to stop living in the age of agriculture and realize that we no longer need a part-year 8-3 school year. The school day was set up at those times so that kids back in the day could come home and do afternoon chores on the farm. And they had a break in the summer for the planting and harvest seasons. That accomodated an agricultural society not a technological one. Wouldn't it make sense to have kids go to school from 8 to 5:30 to match the current average work day? Especially since our country is so behind education wise!
African American Mom Thursday - 12 / 03 / 2009 Reply

LaKeysha----you make an interesting point. I have to admit, when I first started to read your response, I was judgemental. I was thinking this is someone who wants the schools to babysit their kid. However, when you gave a little history, it put your comment in perspective. I am not sure I agree with you but I am not sure I disagree, either. African American Moms last blog post..25 Random facts about me
LaKeysha Thursday - 12 / 03 / 2009 Reply

African American Mom When I learned the history of our current school system it made sense to me to keep up with the times especially to accomodate working parents of today. Even if regular classes ended at 4 we could have the last hour be a mandatory homework time and tutoring session if needed. I just know that a lot can go on in those 2-3 hours before someone gets home and I would rather those kids be in a structured supervised learning setting. For example, In the Head Start program at my company we offer full day head start classes from 7:30 to 5:30 for parents who work and I can tell you that they are extremely happy that their children are in a safe learning environment while they're at work all day. And since the parents are able to pick the kids up from school after work this also allows for a better relationship with their kids teacher, the other students and their parents.
MissJay Thursday - 12 / 03 / 2009 Reply

@LaKeysha That was an interesting view on schooling. I for one did not know that. Not that we want schools to babysit our children but I see where you're coming from. Here high school gets out at 2:05 or so. Most of us work 9-5 or maybe even 7-3. But still, what are the kids doing after school if they aren't in sports or some kind of activity? When I first started high school (I went to magnet school) we had 7th period after regular school hours. Then after 7th period we would have any after school athletics or programs go on. Then we would go home. That had some of us home after 6 or 7 if they lived all the way downtown. I'm not sure if there were complaints but that didn't last very long I can say that. But when I was in elementary school they had an after school program that children could be enrolled in that would keep them until about 6 or 7. We could do homework, play outside, all kinds of stuff at the school. And there were counselors and not teachers who stayed with us.
LaKeysha Thursday - 12 / 03 / 2009 Reply

@ MissJay Right. And since we dont consider it babysitting from 7:30 -2 or 3, then why consider it babysitting if we extend the school day to 5 or so? After school activities/programs are nice but I would love for there to be more class/learning time. I think this would help improve the overall performance of our public schools as well.
Your child's free tutor...and happy to be Thursday - 12 / 03 / 2009 Reply

When Mom or Dad says go straight home after school and read/study/do homework for 1.5 hours...The Kid better do that. I wouldn't want to leave my child at school (especially a public school) for someone else to "watch" them. No one loves your child they way that you do. And no one will protect YOUR child the way you would...Please keep that in mind. Expanding the school hours makes parents lazy!!! Doesn't make sense?...How about this...let's not have children if one of the parents can't stay home..
Your child's free tutor...and happy to be Thursday - 12 / 03 / 2009 Reply

...excuse me 'the way'
Frustrated with you Parents Thursday - 12 / 03 / 2009 Reply

Far too many children are failing because The Parent(s) do not want to be responsible. I would like to have children of my own but feel obligated to help others with theirs (and for the people who say "Oh well, no one is putting a gun to your head making you" - get real)...we all know statements like those have no merit..And I really don't understand people who have this "Raise a Kid in/with the help of the Village" mentality. The Village didn't have sex to produce those kids...YOU DID! Help yourself by helping YOUR kid.
LaKeysha Friday - 13 / 03 / 2009 Reply

@Your childs free tutor...and happy to be If all kids followed "the kid better do it" then we wouldn't have most of the problems that spring up as consequences to kids actions. Unsupervised kids (even of the most dedicated parents) can get into all kinds of trouble. Once again, we do not send our children to school for the teachers to babysit or watch them. We send them to learn. So what is wrong with them extending their learning time for a couple of hours? You have to realize that as I mentioned before, no one just pulled a random time out of the air for school to be from 8-2 or 3. That time was decided on to ACCOMODATE FAMILIES. So why is it that now that our society has changed, school cannot adapt to ACCOMODATE FAMILIES once more? How does extending the school day make parents lazy? If a parent is still at work (earning a living to support their child(ren)) then how is that being lazy? I would much rather my child be in a supervised, learning environment then at home alone for 2-3 hours everyday while I'm still at work. In an ideal society, there would be two-parent homes and one parent able to stay home with the children. But thats not the case with most families. Today, in 2009 it is a LUXERY for a mother to be able to stay home with her children (without the benefit of public assistance) while the father provides an adequate income. @Frusterated with you Parents No longer is the husband always able to make enough money to support his family without the help of his wife. And that is assuming we are talking about two-parent families. I do believe that most mothers would love to be able to stay home with their children but this is not always a possibility as I mentioned above. And you seem to be contradicting yourself because if you didnt believe that it takes a village...then why do you feel obligated to help other people with their children? I think when you have children you will realize that you as a parent do not exist in a vacuum and WILL need help at some point.
Frustrated with you Parents Friday - 13 / 03 / 2009 Reply

Be extremely cautious about who you're wanting to watch/ "supervise" your children because you think you want/need to work 40+ hours a week...Why not ask your supervisor to accommodate you? I feel obligated to help other people with their children because it's the RIGHT thing to do - simple. YOU brought the kid into the world, don't expect everyone else (teachers etc) to want to deal with YOUR kids for free. I can only hope, pray, and have faith that God will give me the wisdom to have children at the right place and right time....and that there will be people (with integrity and Christian values) in my life WILLING to help me and MY husband with OUR children. I would not want to be put in the weird and horrible position of requesting that the teachers put up with them...for free.
Frustrated with you Parents Friday - 13 / 03 / 2009 Reply

...that's called being a lazy parent.
LaKeysha Monday - 16 / 03 / 2009 Reply

@Frusterated with you parents If I trust a teacher/school to teach my child for 6 hours then why would I not trust them for an additional two hours a day? I think it would be awsome for school and work to happen during the same hours but since we have more control over the school system (meaning there is one entity (government) that would have to change as opposed to the myriad number of companies we work for) I think it would be wiser to add to the school day. Two more hours of school per day can only help our children. And Please Believe! If I personally had the option of working less hours a week (or not at all)...I would (and thats assuming I would be able to work frist instead of second shift part-time). But if I want to keep my job I must work 40 hrs. The Last time I checked Teachers did not work for FREE. And as an aside I do think that they (along with other helping professions) are extremely underpaid. But Maybe you're misunderstanding what I'm saying. I, as a working tax-paying adult am supporting my local school district. This money helps with the complete running of the school including teachers salaries. Because of my residency it is my RIGHT for my child to go to our local public school for "free". Schools were created to help families with their children so that parents could work to support their families while their children learned in a safe envirionment.(Would you consider parents also lazy because they do not home-school their children?) So many years ago when the majority of our society farmed...the government decided to design the school year to accomodate those families. They did NOT say that parents were lazy because they needed their children to help with the harvest/evening chores etc. They saw a need and they saw that they could accomodate it with the school year/day. Fastforward to now...The majority of us are no longer farming, we are working usually around 9-5. So why would parents be lazy to expect/suggest that our government do what it already did in the past and coordinate the school day to once again accomodate our working society? (Not to mention that kids have to learn way more info today then they did 200 years ago-so they could use the extra time in school) If you believe helping children is the right thing to do then what do you suggest those children do when there is no one home after they get out of school and the parents do not have the CHOICE to not work those hours? (remember, daycare is expensive and its not always the best environment anyways). I brought my daughter into the world (by the grace of GOd and with the help of my husband of course) and I EXPECT teachers to teach/"deal with" my child-not for free, because they get paid to do it. I dont understand what is "weird and horrible" about teachers teaching children for 8 hours instead of 6 (and of course being compensated accordingly). BTW...this is a viewpoint that I have had (about extending the school day) since my college years way before I had a child (who isnt even school age yet) and could be considered a lazy parent. I, as well, pray that you have the wisdom you need when God blesses you with children (and believe me...His time is rarly OUR time). And I also hope that you have the support you need when that time comes... specifically the help of family, friends, church members, teachers...and a school that accomodates the work day :). Ps. Really though...What would you do if you and your husband both needed to work (at least for a while) and that left a two-hour deficit between the time you guys got off of work and your kid(s) got home from school? (And of course if family watching them was not an option). And If in that situation, there was the OPTION of having their school day learning experience extended for two hours, would you forego that option?
She Monday - 16 / 03 / 2009 Reply

Well said LaKeysha! Children today come from varied family structures (children of single parents..as an example). Should a single parent quit their job to care for the educational needs of the children instead of the physical? What if the non-custodial parent works 9-5 or is unavailable? What if they doesn't have family or friends who are in a position to help during those hours? A change to the school hours would be a tremendous help to parents who are struggling to make a living in these difficult economic times who also want to have their children in a supervised, educational setting. I see no harm in that, nor laziness. Some of the people who have posted comments are ill-informed and extremely judgmental of a situation they have little-to-no experience in dealing with personally. To be quite honest, I wouldn't want someone with such limited understanding (and even less compassion) dealing with my children. "Your child's free tutor..and happy to be" sounds a little bitter. Perhaps it's time you find another career. .....And in case anyone is wondering, I have two highly intelligent children who benefitted from my years as a stay-at-home mom. Unfortunately, due to a change in circumstances beyond my control, I had no choice but to return to work and have had to deal with the issue of 'how do I keep an eye on my children while I'm at work?' Extending the school day would be helpful to me in that regard.... AND my children would be learning. It sounds like a win-win situation to me!
Frustrated with you Parents Monday - 16 / 03 / 2009 Reply

Lakeysha Honestly, I really can not see myself wanting to ask underpaid teachers to look after my children. Who will look after the children of those teachers? Something most people don't think about...but here is what we DO think about - it's about me, me, and me...We (the parents) are struggling and we are tired and we don't want to deal with our own children and we just worked 8 full hours and we, we, and we - What about those teachers? They are not just dealing with YOUR 1 or 2 children...they are dealing with 20 something plus children in ONE classroom...in the year 2009. When you have children YOU have to adjust and keep it moving...it's not about you. Really, it isn't. My Life isn't about me and I don't even have children..Hope you understand me here. Unfortunately, as human beings, instead of searching deep within to see what we can do to ease our OWN problems (most of the time brought on by ourselves), we look to others. You have some interesting views, but I will have to stand by my own on this one. Like the person's comment above me "free tutor", I too, am a volunteer (reinforcing Basic Math skills and Reading - and nearly any other subject they need help with)...I had a few hours of training to do this, didn't take any Teacher's classes, didn't read any Kid's Manuals - PARENTS can do it too. I'm also a part-time student, a full-time worker (from 8:30AM - 5PM, just like you). There is definitely a great need for us (tutors). The problem (in 2009) with teachers dealing with other folk(s) children is that...well, they can only handle a class full of other folk(s) children for so long. I don't know of any other way to put it. If I can drive allll the way to the 'other side' of town to help children with their homework after working 8 hours, why can't the child's parents do the same? I just don't get it. I wouldn't dare ask My Kids' parents that question because I know their struggles. Two of My Kids are descendants of Mexicans who speak very little English and have limited education (and please lets not venture into immigration). My Third Child/Kid, African American (like me), thinks school is a joke...Her mother is very concerned, she is a single parent (like my mom) but I am determined to see this girl succeed...the truth of the matter is - NOT every tutor or teacher has the ability to "reach" other folk(s) children the way the Parent can. I've seen many highly, intelligent people just give up on the children...because those children are not theirs - so who cares right? This is the way they think. I don't feel this way and am certainly not trying to win points for all that I do. The only person I have to answer to is God...I repeat, the only person I have to answer to is God... I am writing here because I DO NOT get it...I don't understand why you would consider suggesting the school hours be longer than what they are - When will parents step up? I mean really step up for their children... Seriously, teachers can only do so much for a classroom full of 20+ children..Heck, I have a hard time with 3, but please believe the two kiddies who are descendants of our brothers and sisters in Mexico are card carrying members of the Honor Society and have been since I've entered their lives..the African American Kid, well, you can believe that I will get her there w/ God's help. And I'll say it again, no one...no one in this World will love and care for Your Kids better than you, your husband & God...nothing is impossible. There's a single mother at my job who leaves work early, because she has a Kid..Employers understand that 'families' have special needs and they usually don't mind accommodating. And this isn't happening ONLY IN THE STATE OF TEXAS. Another thing I've learned in my 25 years of living, 90% of the time people in general, spend more time making things more complicated for themselves and others than they do trying to fix them. On your taxpayers comment..and not to be disrespectful, but so what. I pay taxes too for Your Kids to go to school, but again so what...that is fantastic - Kids can go to school in America for 'free' - what is your point? Really, what is your point? ------------------------------------------------- To your comment: If you believe helping children is the right thing to do then what do you suggest those children do when there is no one home after they get out of school and the parents do not have the CHOICE to not work those hours? (remember, daycare is expensive and its not always the best environment anyways). My answer: Be a SUPER FANTASTIC Christian and pray, wait for God's response. And perhaps think longggg and hard about bringing another innocent soul into this world. ------------------------------------------------ To your comment: BTW…this is a viewpoint that I have had (about extending the school day) since my college years way before I had a child (who isnt even school age yet) and could be considered a lazy parent. My answer: Welp, yeah you could be considered a lazy parent. If you thought about all of this during your college years..why not gather up a bunch other people with the same opinion, take it to D.C. and find loyal lobbyists? And campaign for longer school hours :-) ------------------------------------------------- A sincere thank-you-so-much for the prayer(s). I am always in need of them. Ps. Really though…I pray and trust God...not just on my bad days, but Everyday.
Frustrated with you Parents Monday - 16 / 03 / 2009 Reply

KUDDOS TO EDNA HILLIARD FOR RAISING THAT THIRTEEN YEAR OLD RIGHT!!! Hey do any of you alls' Kid(s) do what you tell them to do? If so, good on you. If not, well...why not? If your children don't listen to you when you tell him/her to go straight home and study, what in the world makes you think they are not giving the teacher a hard time?
LaKeysha Tuesday - 17 / 03 / 2009 Reply

@Frusterated with you parents "I really can not see myself wanting to ask underpaid teachers to look after my children." -You're not. We would PAY teachers what they DESERVE to continue TEACHING our children for an additional 2 hours. (thats 9 hours including a lunch period,recess, study hall/gym etc. You could even just add 20 minutes to each class period, which would extend the day). "We (the parents) are struggling and we are tired and we don’t want to deal with our own children and we just worked 8 full hours and we, we, and we" - I'm not talking about a parents getting off of work at 3 and wanting their kids to be at school until 5. I'm talking about a parent working until 5 (because they have to) and getting home at the same time as their kid or picking them up from school to eliminate the unsupervised 2-hour deficit. And when that child gets home from school at 5 or so, then the parents helps with homework and tutoring etc. Extending the school day does not eliminate parent involvement. It eliminates the need for spy-cams so parents have to watch their kids while at work. Also, there would be a ton of other things that should accompany this change. Teachers should not have 20+ kids, statistically speaking children do much better with smaller classrooms. Teachers should also get paid more. And frankly if you can't stand being with kids all day long then you shouldn't be a teacher. " I don’t understand why you would consider suggesting the school hours be longer than what they are - When will parents step up? I mean really step up for their children…" -this could very well be the way that parents step up for their children. LObbying for a longer school day. For a parent, quitting their job is NOT an option because they cannot get home in time to meet their kids at the door. Most parents do NOT have the luxery of deciding their work hours and should not be considered lazy because they're at work. I would also venture to say that your co-worker is definately in the minority. While most parents have the ability to leave to take care of a sick child or what-not, most cannot permanantly leave early, though I definately wish it were so. "...Kids can go to school in America for ‘free’ - what is your point? Really, what is your point?" -My point is that we are funding the schools and so we should have input on how they are run. If this (unsupervised children) is a problem for the majority then we have the right/ability to change it to accomodate our current reality. "Be a SUPER FANTASTIC Christian and pray, wait for God’s response. And perhaps think longggg and hard about bringing another innocent soul into this world." -When you got up off of your knees...and their was an initiative to extend the school day on the ballot...would you vote for it? And let me tell you something sweetie...THINKING long and hard will NOT prevent you from bringing another child into the world. My husband and I planned on waiting 3-5 years after we got married to have children so that I could stay home for a while but guess what...DESPITE BEING ON BIRTH CONTROL I got pregnant 2 months after we got married. And for all of those children already out there the parents still have to deal with the present issue of unsupervised children so not bringing more innocent souls into the world will not solve their present problem. "why not gather up a bunch other people with the same opinion, take it to D.C. and find loyal lobbyists? And campaign for longer school hours" -Unfortunately/Fortunately it was not the topic chosen to lobby for by my group in our state capital when we went (universal healthcare for children was chosen). But it is definately something I hope to be able to do in the future. You know...it seems that we are somewhat alike. I have also always worked at after school programs/tutoring/mentoring. Taking time to help other peoples kids waaaaay before I had one of my own. And I'm sure you see the need for those kinds of programs and more. Would you object to all schools having after-school learning programs where kids could stay at school for an additional 2 hours (till 5)if their parents were at work till 5? That would eliminate what you see as the overload on teachers as well as eliminating the 2 hours of unsupervised activites (or the need for a spy-cam).
LaKeysha Tuesday - 17 / 03 / 2009 Reply

Also...the spy cam can only show the mom whats going on. If there is a problem or emergency the mom IS NOT THERE. Having In-Person Supervision is MUCH more desireable which is why I suggested they stay at school. And though I am raising my child in the way that she should go...not all parents are...many dont know how...its THEIR children I worry about. (Besides, we have family and our daughter will be at her grands or great-grands when she gets home from school if I am not able to be there).
Frustrated with you Parents Tuesday - 17 / 03 / 2009 Reply

And this is what it boils down to... -When you got up off of your knees…and their was an initiative to extend the school day on the ballot…would you vote for it? And my answer is... - Absolutely not.
LaKeysha Wednesday - 18 / 03 / 2009 Reply

"And my answer is… - Absolutely not." Have you heard the story... There was a flood and a man was hanging on to a branch trying not to drown. He prayed to God to help him. A boat came along and asked if he needed help. He said "No thanks, God is going to rescue me". A person on a raft came along and asked if he needed help, He said "No thanks, I'm waiting on God". A third boat came along and told him to get in. He politely refused saying that God was going to save him. The man drowned and when he got to heaven he asked God why didnt He rescue him? God said, "Didn't I send someone in a boat...then a raft...then another boat?" We have to keep our hearts open to how God will answer our prayers...and since you seem like a women of God you know that He does not follow OUR rules or expectations when he does present an answer. Just a good thing to keep that in mind... Just out of curiosity If you were creating a school day from scratch what hours would you choose and why?
LaKeysha Wednesday - 25 / 03 / 2009 Reply

FYI The National Urban League has listed an expansion of the school day as one of their suggestions on its State of Black America Report.