Five Non-Negotiables for Saving a Marriage
We received the following info from FamilyLife and thought we’d share.
Recent reports on Good Morning America, CNN and others have highlighted a new divorce trend: troubled couples are delaying divorce in recessionary times because they cannot afford the legal fees or the cost of maintaining two homes.
With financial issues often cited as the top reasons for divorce, the current economic state can take a toll on even the healthiest of marriages.
FamilyLife, the global, donor-supported leader in marriage conferences, offers an alternative to divorce in recessionary times: why not look at a forced divorce delay as a gift, an opportunity to reclaim a marriage?
Five Non-Negotiables for Saving a Marriage
Dr. Dennis Rainey, president, CEO and co-founder, FamilyLife (www.familylife.com)
1. Seek to understand what robbed your marriage of intimacy. Many of the forces that tear couples apart are common to all marriages: failure to adjust to each other; thinking that a spouse isn’t doing his or her fair share; difficulties with finances, sex life, children or other key challenges; seeking fulfillment outside your marriage; and plain old selfishness. Honestly identify what traps you’ve fallen into and how you got there. Then begin to develop a plan together to get out.
2. Think of your spouse as your ally, not your enemy. Married couples start out deeply in love. But over time, busyness, selfishness and personal hurt inevitably drive you away from intimacy and toward isolation. Take time to remember the reason why you promised to love each other “for better or worse, richer or poor, in sickness and in health, until death.” Realize that your spouse is God’s gift to you to help you both be all you can be.
3. Recognize that communication is crucial. Bitterness grows in a marriage when you fail to properly address the problems that inevitably pop up. The best thing you can do is to honestly and openly discuss how you feel and be willing to listen to your spouse’s concerns, even when they are expressed in a way that hurts. And remember to fight fair. The worst thing you can do is to dredge up old issues that have little to do with the current situation. That will only compound the bitterness.
4. Remember the power of forgiveness. Very few marriages are in trouble solely because of the actions of one person. Chances are you’ve done at least something to add to the problem. Bear your own responsibility and ask for forgiveness. Don’t wait for your spouse to act first. And if your spouse is the one asking, swallow your pride and graciously forgive. And remember, when you forgive you give up your “rights” to punish your spouse.
5. Know that you can’t do it alone. Chances are your marriage is in trouble partly because you didn’t let anybody know until the problems got out of hand. Find someone willing to fight alongside you for your marriage, not just someone to agree with your grievances. This may be a counselor or pastor, family member or friend. But make sure they’re committed to both of you. Another great help is a marriage conference like FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember marriage conference, where you can hear expert advice and then apply it as a couple to rebuild your relationship and establish a mutually agreed upon game plan.
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