by Tara Pringle Jefferson
My son entered the world weighing a hefty eight pounds, nine ounces. Even though babies traditionally lose weight after they’re born, by the time we went to the pediatrician a week later, he was already well over nine pounds. And he just kept going. At his two month visit he was 12 pounds, at three months he was sixteen pounds. By the time he was six months old, he was well into size four diapers and size 18 month clothes. At eight months now he weighs about two pounds less than his two-year-old sister. He’s consistently at the 97th percentile mark, and recently hit the 100th percentile in height. (At five feet tall, I was especially proud of that.)
To put it mildly, he’s a big boy.
Because he’s so hefty he gets mistaken for an older baby. “He isn’t walking yet?” people ask.
“He’s only seven months,” I say, shifting him to the other hip.
“Oh,” they say. “Well, you’ve got a little football player on your hands there!” or “He’s going to play sports for sure.”
And it’s not just folks who see him in the grocery store. Comes from family members as well, who are already envisioning being on the 50-yard line during my son’s game-winning Super Bowl drive.
For some reason, this irks me. No, I think to myself, he’s not going to play sports. He’s just going to be a really burly surgeon, with extra-large scrubs.
I come from a long line of people who seem to value boys who play sports more than boys who excel academically. I’m a big nerd myself, missing the athletic gene, unable to run around the bases without getting winded or injuring myself somehow. I was always the smartest girl in the class, but always the one to cower in the back during gym class.
It bothers me when people (especially black folks) put such an emphasis on how well their sons can dribble a basketball but don’t know if their kid is reading at grade level. I don’t think there’s all gifted athletes are dummies, not at all. But I choose to focus on my son’s (and daughter’s) academic prowess first, before worrying about whether they can make a free throw.
BMWK readers, what do you think? Do you think our boys are steered into being good athletes rather than good students? Speak your piece.
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer from Ohio, where she lives with her husband and two kids. Visit her blog, TheYoungMommyLife.com, for daily musings about the issues young moms face.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
After that LOOONG post, I thought you were goin’ to ask us if we had any advice on how you could thin your son out…lol
People are only calling it like they see it!
Once your son starts to read and/or write @ 1 or 2 years old then people will peg him as the next great scholar.
But, as long as they see a pudgy baby…they are gonna associate that with being a linebacker.
That’s just what we as black folk do.
why are you caught up on what people say,it is just an opinion, you may not like it but oh well. i have grandsons that are really smart and they play a lot of sports.there is nothing wrong with the kid that can do both. surgeons play basketball and so do presidents.
@Anonymous #2 – I don’t really care what people say. It’s just hearing it all the time that got me thinking about how we view little black boys. My daughter was hefty too, but people always said how cute she was and how she’ll thin out as soon as she started walking. Just an observation…
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..No Mom Jeans: Top 10 Young Mommy Essentials – Part 2
Well my son has been playing basketball every since he was 5 and his is now 18, and no he is not going to the NBA, even though he is 6″ 1′, nor did I ever think he would. (But if he had the chance, I wouldn’t let him pass it up).
With that said, as parents we need to steer our children into what’s right not and what people say is right. I always knew he would play ball, but I always knew he would do good in school. He graduated with a 3.5. I wanted him to go to college, he wants to be a barber, which is fine too.
So don’t let that bother you when people say he will play sports and it’s not just black people, believe that. And don’t get upset if he wants to play sports, just support him, (or her if your daughter decides she wants to play too) and just remind them and also the coaches,(cause they get caught up too) that they are student’s before they are athletes.
At one time in middle school my son, kinda got confuse and thought he was an athlete first, and his grades dropped, so I pulled him off the team in the middle of the season. I told him if for some reason you are blessed to be able to play basketball professionaly, you need to be able to read the damn contract.
I’m with you on putting his academic progress at the forefront even if he’s just a baby. That’s where it starts after all and you’re absolutely right we do steer boys one way and girls the other. This is incredibly short sighted behavior on our parts.
For that reason I’m the type of person to come right and say something like, “Nah he’s gonna be the Diplomat to Indonesia” just to throw people off, maybe make them think about what they’re saying a bit.
I recall people saying I was gonna be a singer when I was a kid and presently I don’t even sing in the church choir.
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@Ms Miko – See that’s all I’m saying. I think it’s great when kids can excel at sports, and learn about teamwork and dedication and all that. But I’ll be damned if I put a ball in his crib instead of buying him some books. It has to come first.
I guess this post really stemmed from the fact that I have a family member (in middle school) who is a so-so football player, but struggles academically. Not really struggling but he’s not focused. Instead of getting a tutor or stressing the importance of doing his homework and studying for tests, his parents are making him do drills in the backyard. Doesn’t make sense to me. So that’s why it irks me when people say my son will be a football player (even if they turn out to be right).
@MDUBB – I do think we steer the gender different ways. Even though my son is younger, I can tell the difference already. With my daughter it’s “She’s so cute, she’s so smart, look at her go!” With my son it’s “He’s so cute, he’s going to be a big boy, what position do you think he’ll play?” Just want it to be clear with both my kids that academics come first and then sports.
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..No Mom Jeans: Top 10 Young Mommy Essentials – Part 2
I never thought of it the way the writer wrote..My son, too, is also a big guy and yes, like a lot of people assume that he is going to be a football player. Well, the truth is he’s really into music, so I guess that means that he will a big burly music producer? We must STOP putting “labels” on our children because of what they look like and begin to bring out whatever talent God has given them.
Tara,
Maybe you are taking this just a little too seriously. I know where you are coming from. My son is just shy of his second birthday. I have heard numerous comments about his supposed athletic prowess. I don’t look at it as people trying to pigeon hole him. I just think when we see unusual size and speed in a child we automatically think of athletics. Why? Because it doesn’t take unusual size or speed to be a surgeon, but it does take unusual size and speed to be a linebacker.
I really don’t think people mean any harm by it. He may actually turn out to be a great athlete. There is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t have to come at a cost to his intellectual development.
Tara I don’t think you’re making too much out of it. It isn’t just a remark, it’s a mentality. My fiance is 6′5 a little over 300lbs & people literally stop him to ask how tall he is & if he is a pro football player. Though we laugh at it, it’s pretty pathetic that’s all people think he’s destined for. Little do many know he has a degree in physics (the 1st black male to achieve this at our University) finishing up his MBA. When my uncle first met him (who is similar in stature) his remark was that he was too big to be a scientist and needed to be on somebody’s football team. It’s kind of sad our minds don’t automatically envision more (some people) for our black men
but hey it is what it is….nothing more
@T. Rogers – I’ll admit I’m ultra sensitive to things like this. Perhaps I didn’t fully explore my issues in the post, but let me give you another example.
My hubby works with low-income HS kids in a precollege program. The goal is to get them to college where they will excel in their studies. I taught one workshop where this 10th grader informed me that he’s going pro so he has no use for the stuff his teachers are trying to teach him. No need for math, science is boring, he figures he doesn’t need to know how to write a coherent sentence.
My head almost exploded. Who is informing these kids that the only value in life is found on the basketball court?
Yes, taken out of context, strangers making remarks about my son’s size is probably harmless. But couple that with daily reminders about how boys are generally praised for their athletic efforts and it makes me wonder….That said, you’re entitled to think I’m just crazy and a conspiracy nut. LOL.
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..No Mom Jeans: Top 10 Young Mommy Essentials – Part 2
Yet another prime example of “text book” thinking by appearance. It’s human nature. Ppl see me and think because I am this tall I am either good at playing basketball or in my younger years was a model. Boy were they so wrong. LOL. We only question others thinking when it’s “our child”. When my kids were younger I did not want ppl to tell them they were “cute”. I never wanted it to go to their head. I didn’t mind them telling them they were smart because they were/are. (Yes they were/are cute but that is my job to tell them they are beautiful).
I don’t care what you look like, an education is very important. There are too many ppl in the world with money who are not educated enough to make wise choices. I totally agree with Ms Miko.
” I told him if for some reason you are blessed to be able to play basketball professionaly, you need to be able to read the damn contract”. AMEN!
As a parent we not only want them to know how to read it but understand what they are signing. I know they have ppl for that when they get a big bank account but it is usually the ppl you hire that rob you blind.
@Tara,
I don’t think you are crazy at all. You are just trying to keep your son from being put in a box. I respect that.
I think part of the problem with many black children is they are not exposed to enough alternatives. I think that is why we always hear kids saying they want to be athletes or entertainers. Unfortunately, many kids don’t know anything else. One of our many jobs as parents is to expose our children to as much as we can as far as hobbies and interest are concerned. The more options they know they have the better off they will be.
@Tara
I often ponder my children’s future as my daughter is now 6 and my first son is 4. They play soccer and they do very well. In fact they score most of the goals on there teams. Being that we live in a predominant wife town (Wasilla AK). Yes, we live here most people make comments as to their skin color and being atlethic. However, my daughter plays piano, and is in the science club. She is actual 6 in the 2nd grade. My son the 4 year old waiting to turn 5 to go to kndergarden knows how to read and does basic addition and subtraction. They also do jujitsu.
My point is our society makes statements from stereotypes and like T. Rogers stated before we need to expose our children to more alternatives. We need to expose ourselves to more.
Your reaction is that your reaction. No one can tell you your overreacting because you understand why respond the way you do. Just let your children know the world is a great big place with much to encounter.
@Tara, in the 2008-2009 college football season there was a University of Miami football player (can’t remember his name) who named as a Rhodes Scholar. He turned down his opportunity to try out for NFL teams to go study in England (as he should have), he plans to become a doctor. Just like this gifted, athletically and academically, young black man, your son can do both. As long as sports is used as a means to an end (a college scholarship) rather than the end all be all (going through life believing you have it made becuase you’ll be a pro one day) its all good. But I do understand how the projections of others on yourself or your offspring could get a little old.
@MrsT – Yes! I remember hearing about that player. He seemed very impressive. I do think that people can do both and I hope my son finds something other than academics to turn into a hobby or extracurricula activity, in order to make him well-rounded. I just don’t want anyone to put him into a box. People don’t understand that a pro career doesn’t last forever and you need something to fall back on, even if it’s just the intelligence you had to manage your money correctly while you were making it.
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Reaching goals…
My 12 year old son has always been at the 95th percentile for height and the 50th percentile for weight. When he was an infant or toddler, I would be offended when people asked if he would be a basketball player when he grew up. CEOs and political leaders tend to be tall as well. But no one asked me if he would be president.
As it turns out, my son is quite the athlete. In addition, he is quite the leader. People tend to project leadership qualities on tall men. So I am very proud of him. No matter what a stranger says to him about his height, we (and he) knows he is more than what people see. He is a very well rounded young man, and truth be told, if he qualifies for a college scholarship of any type, I think we are all for it.