Ways to Get the Love You Deserve

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on April 2nd, 2009 | 13 comments

by Linda Dominique Grosvenor

When we don’t learn from the past relationships and the mistakes we’ve made in them not only do we sell ourselves short, but we keep our happiness at bay. Love can’t reach us if we don’t know what it looks like because we’re clouded by the past or we don’t know how to make proper decisions so that it finds us. Here are some ways you can get prepare yourself to get the love you deserve:

The best way to get the love you deserve is to love yourself. People treat us like we treat ourselves. If you fall in love with yourself flaws and all and treat yourself like you deserve more, you will attract someone who will know that is your standard and they will give you what you deserve or quickly pass by if they are not up to task.

Practice being a listener. Many times we hear the surface of what people are saying but don’t open ourselves up for their full disclosure. Good listeners get listened to and when people know you’re listening to them, it forges an appreciation and a trust. That is essential in any budding relationship.

Communication gets you what you want. Learn to be honest about what you feel. Sometimes we compromise for the sake of having someone to call our own or wanting people to like us and never leave. The relationships that are the most satisfying are the ones where someone is able to love the true you, not a manufactured version of who you want them to think you are.

Trust your instincts about people. Normally when you are in tune with your Spirit it will lead you and give you discerning impressions of people you engage. It’s a wonderful sentiment to think that everyone in this world has your best interest at heart—but they don’t. Tune in to your Spirit and govern yourself accordingly and when you sense that he or she is too good to be true, you’re probably right.

Stop sabotaging yourself by expecting a man or woman to leave you or accusing them of cheating even when there’s no proof or pushing them away emotionally. When you project your fears onto your relationship it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and when it happens you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.

Lastly be approachable. Many of us want love deep down on the inside where the layers of our heart and our armor and walls we’ve put up can protect us, but when we meet people we’re icy, short with words, dry and plain unappealing. If you want someone to be drawn to you and know that you are ready to “consider” them, tone down the bristly persona and learn to let people inside the layers of your personality and your heart eventually.

The list isn’t all inclusive, but if you adhere to some of the points you’ll be well on your way to renewing your thinking and preparing yourself for a love that’s truly worth it in the long run.

Linda Dominique Grosvenor has made her foray into non-fiction with the bestseller The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Jolie, Jewel, Honey and MORE Magazine. A tireless advocate Grosvenor is also the co-founder of the Love Better Camp a non-profit organization that is dedicated to aiding individuals and families in learning to love better, which can improve their overall quality of life. Log on and visit her official website at www.ThePluralThing.com .

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Ladyvett

I LOVE this post because it is what I am going through right now! Everything that was said are things that I have been facing for the last few weeks, I have been with someone for almost two years and it is not going good right now and I cannot see where the love is on either side.I dont Love myself enough to let someone love me the way that I need to be loved. I have started getting my life right with God and I know with me getting myself together I will get the love I deserve. I always fall into relationships that are no good for me and that time is over. This post just let me know that I am on the right path with letting this one go and getting me right first.
http://ambitionzazawriter.izfree.com/wordpress/ MDUBB

“Many of us want love deep down on the inside where the layers of our heart and our armor and walls we’ve put up can protect us, but when we meet people we’re icy, short with words, dry and plain unappealing. If you want someone to be drawn to you and know that you are ready to “consider” them, tone down the bristly persona and learn to let people inside the layers of your personality and your heart eventually.”

Great advice right here. I struggle with this daily but I’m learning to adhere to this bit of advice.

MDUBBs last blog post..Thoughts From The Airport
Ladyvett

No see thats the problem, I love to hard and to soon… I put them before me and I put to much of myself out there before knowing their intentions. I let them see too many layers before I see some of theirs. Thank U for the advice though. I appreciate it.
Anna

I think we get the love we deserve when we have learned to respect the person we are. Do we love and respect who we are to make sure nobody will disrespect us, or are we raised to accept who we choose as a mate and be so thick skinned that we don’t get to know who we really are but instead choose to cater to them?
http://www.ThePluralThing.com Linda Princess Dominique Grosvenor

Thanks for all the comments! Glad the article helped MDUBB!

Ladyvett, that’s all right you just have to balance it, you share something, they share something so that it isn’t just you giving everything right up front.

Anna if you love yourself and it shows others will love you most definitely. Love wants to give, so if you have someone in your life who loves you it should be evidenced by their willingness to give to you, it’s not about catering it’s about loving. When you are with the RIGHT person you BOTH won’t mind doing it for each other.

Linda Princess Dominique Grosvenors last blog post..A discussion by Linda Dominique Grosvenor was featured
Anna

Linda Princess Dominique Grosvenor said

Anna if you love yourself and it shows others will love you most definitely. Love wants to give, so if you have someone in your life who loves you it should be evidenced by their willingness to give to you, it’s not about catering it’s about loving. When you are with the RIGHT person you BOTH won’t mind doing it for each other.
~~~~~~~~
You are so right. I was making a generalization. I get so tired of grown women with kids who get a man in their life and think they have to revolve around him, because they are so happy to have a man.
E.R.

Great piece!! I’ve been dating this guy for several weeks now and I told him the other night that I was scared of him, simply because from what I’ve learned so far about him he is what I desire in mate. I’ve never liked someone so much, so quickly. Great but scary feeling.
shugahil

I would like to say that even when you do all the things the writer wrote about you still getleft holding the bag. I’m all that she wrote about but I have yet to find that blessed match. A friend suggested yesterday to do all that and surrender it to God!
Dr DO rIGHT

Hello! Its Dr Do Right again,and I must say to y’all beautiful young ladies that when you’re with a man take your time with one man and have fun with and get to know him because we mens can sometime play mind games and playing with your heart and yes! its not fair but please !remember there’s no perfect man or woman but get to know him and give the relationship time because sometime it can be lust not true love and we can hurt ourselves and others.Let me give you an example; let say we been dating for 1 or 2 months and you starts telling me that you have fellings for me yeah! I already know that,because we’re spending alot of time together plus I see the things that you’re doing for me and I may not say anything about,because everything is going good and I dont wanna give it a title just not right now!, cause people usually change afterward ,and start acting funny all of the sudden.What Im trying to say is communicate with each other and if it real and something is really there the man will meet you halfway ,or he’l tell you hey!lady; I like you so lets give us a try.-Real Talk and I love y’all peace.
http://www.ThePluralThing.com Linda Princess Dominique Grosvenor

Shugahil,

Your friend took the words right out of my mouth. On my website we talk about relationships and how you can’t truly love until the epitome of love (God) governs both of your lives and guides you together in a relationship. Believe, surrender and he will come.

Linda Princess Dominique Grosvenors last blog post..Kendra is now a member of The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate
benny

Hi,

I love your article. The majority of my relationships have been bad. I have been so hurt and damaged in the past, I don’t know what love between a man and woman is. I just can’t connect with it. I get what you are saying, especially the part about being icy and dry with short words. Someone being nice to me, that I never experienced until one day this man would come up and talk to me and I always did Hi drivebys or looked dead in his face and never spoke, being plain rude. Deep down in my heart I wanted to talk to him and laugh and smile but I couldn’t because I was scared because no man ever talks to me or be like how is your day, are you feeling okay, want to know what I like. Until one day he just started treating me like I treat him. He could have been just trying to be friendly but it’s hard to put these walls down and experience that without the fear of being talked down to or judged or afraid of getting beat up. I don’t want nobody to hurt me again but one day when I start trusting men again maybe I can open myself up to someone and have the realtionship that I deserve. First I feel I need to work on myself and get some self-esteem and jsut spend time with myself. That is what I’m struggling with and the hardest thing I ever had to do. I always let people tell me who I was and what to do. And that only can be done through God’s help.
http://www.sheliagoss.com Shelia

Linda, this was great advice.

Shelias last blog post..Is It Love
http://www.ThePluralThing.com Linda Princess Dominique Grosvenor

Benny I understand completely. Putting down your walls is a process and it won’t happen overnight. The good thing is that you realize that you have walls and can begin making progress towards dealing with that. I believe The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate will help. Let me know what you think. I have my direct contact information on the book.

Shelia thank you for your kind comments. I pray that it blesses many more people as well.

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