Watch Your Words

I LOVE the Bernie Mac Show (God rest his soul). There was an episode where a teacher at his niece’s school called a social worker to his home because of the manner in which he spoke to his nieces and nephew. There was one point where Bernie, engaging in his soliloquy with America, stated, “Watch my words? How am I supposed to watch my words?” As he was speaking, the words appeared below him in closed captioning. He looked down and said, “What the h***?” and the words appeared. It was hilarious!

Moments like that are only funny if you’re not the one going through them, though. I received a challenge a few moments ago that was very similar to what Bernie Mac encountered on his show. If I were to watch the words I speak stream across the plasma screen of my life, what would I see? What would the recipients of my message get from what I allowed to spill from my lips?

Boy, oh boy, what an eye opener this challenge was for me! Out of my mouth comes, “When are you going to get up and prepare EJ for school?” but the motive behind those words looks like, “You lazy bum! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET UP AND PREPARE EJ FOR SCHOOL?” Not a good look, nor a good read. Out of my mouth comes, “Son, let Mommy finish what she’s working on, and then I’ll come and see what you need,” but the motive behind the words looks like, “Boy, if you don’t get out of my face right now!”

• I’m so ashamed of myself! When I compare what I say to the way I say it, I realize why many times they fall on deaf ears. Who wants to listen to fiery diatribes when loving dialogue should be the order of the day? Here are a few things I have purposed to do in order for my words to look more appealing when they come out of my mouth:
• I consider the motivation behind the words. Anger is one thing…purposely making someone else miserable because I’m angry is taking it too far.
• I think about the long term affect the words will have on the recipient of them. Will they have to forgive me, or will they be willing to listen to me and come to a resolution?
• I made up my mind that no matter how bad the words I have received have made me feel, I will not retaliate by multiplying misery with my words. Nuff said.
• Finally, I came to the realization that my words truly are seeds, and I will reap what I sow eventually. No matter how difficult it can be to speak with honey in my voice, I would rather reap that than bitter vineagar.

What about you, BMWK? Do your words look like sweet nothings, or do they look like $#!@#* garbage to the intended recipient of your message? If the former, how do you maintain it? If the latter, how can you change it?

Harriet is a hilariously joyful married woman who resides in northeast Louisiana with her husband who is a restaurant manager. She works for a local University and along with her husband is the proud parent of a 3 year old son and a 10 year old stepson (who lives in NC).

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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