Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?

Hell my blog is all about having friends that truly understand where you are in your life and still finding time to nurture that bond. Hell I’m divorced, my homeboy is married with two kids and the the last homeboy is possibly on the cusp of nuptial in the next year or so. But we all maintain a tight friendship.

I think having a strong core group of friends is cool. Our blog in fact is a way for my core group of friends to take time out of our schedules to interact the same way we used to, except now it’s over the net since we all live in different cities.

Anyways I don’t think you have to share a future if those friends aren’t on the same page as you. Let them go, they will be just fine, and maybe one day yall will be on the same page as they grow and mature.

MDUBBs last blog post..Confusion 102

I think that when you get married, you have to just accept that some things will change, and should change. I have a close group of friends (thank God. without them I would not be able to get through this period in my life), and another even larger group of close associates. I would not give them up willy-nilly, but when you’re married things need to change. Why? Because the reality is that a married woman or man does not have the same priorities as thier single friends. This is a disagreement I used to have with my ex. The idea of a married woman, running around the country or town with her single friends. What business does a woman with a kids and/or a husband have trying to live like “Sex in the City.” The same goes for us men. If I married then I really don’t need to be at the strip joint with my boys.

It’s not that you give them up, you just realize that hanging the way you used to, or being with certain friends in certain situations is just the opposite of the life you have now. And I’m talking about mostly when you have no children. When kids enter the picture, wheres the damn time anyway. Between work, taking care of the kid, and hopefully making a little time for your mate to have a little carnel fun, there’s no time. Your married friends, or friends with kids understand that because they are going through the same thing. The rest of your friends, well, they may love you, but their life is still free to a degree, and so they can’t possibility understand.

But if you have friends that are bitching, or saying, “you can do what you want, you ain’t his slave” [I'm talking msotly to the sista's on this one] then you should probably drop them. Remember the girlfriends that usually say that either alone themselves, or always bitching about bad men, how does that help your relationship. The company we keep can affect all of us.

joe blessings last blog post..Wisdom at the Salon??

“Am I the only person who doesnt want to be all in the hubbys face all the time?”

You don’t have to be in your husband’s face all the time. And I hope my comment above does lead people to think that’s what I think is required. Breaks and time away to pursue your interest are healthy. As long as that time away is not time away with single girlfriends that out looking to do and get into the things single people do. Get what I’m saying? More likely you will need to find new friends that have the type of life you have, married with a child, and have more in common with you now. And that might take going out to do something that you like by yourself first, and then meeting these people. If many of your old friends are now living the life that you are, then try and take that extra step to reconnect. They may understand you more now. Just make sure that when you do, they are not trying to get back out to the single life, that won’t do anything but kill your marriage.

joe blessings last blog post..Wisdom at the Salon??

@ Joe Blessing – I totally feel you on what you’re saying. Now, before I was married, I never really liked the whole club scene but I would go just to hang with my friends. But I would sit to the side the whole night, try not to inhale too much second-hand smoke, and swat guys’ hands who were trying to get their R.Kelly on, aka feeling on my booty. Now? I just say flat out I don’t want to go. I don’t need to be at the club grinding on guys when I have a loving husband at home.

Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..I had one of those days…

I am going through need a friend Mood. Everytime I see Oprah and Gail together or my mother and her best friend together I get so jealous, because I used to have a friend like that or I thought I did until I told her I was engaged. It’s really hard being a mother and a wife. I’m happy but there are times that I wished I had a good girlfriend around that were not jealous of my accomplishments or the great husband that I have. What happen to the times when people are loyal and genuine towards you.

My friends totally changed when I got marrried but it was a little easier for us to go through it because I moved to another state to be with my husband. So it COULDN’T be how it used to be.

But the change HAD to happen because our priorities became completely different. we went to the club weekly… dated a bunch of people…had friends with benefits…and in general acted recklessly.

That was the life of a single girl…when I became a married woman I had to put off childish things and unfortunately those friends were not ready to put those things off. Now we could still have mall trips, movie nights etc. but the problem was that their mindsets hadnt changed…while mine had (especially considering that I was now really trying to LIVE OUT those Christ-like charateristics I grew up learning). They still thought and acted single and I thought and acted married with child.

Now what did happen was that God blessed us to develop friendships with about 4 young christian married couples.

But you HAVE to make changes to your life, there will be some places that your friendships can no longer go. For example, I know people will more freely speak of their sexual intimacies with a guy/girl they’re just dating but I seriously doubt a married man will tell his friends about his wife’s actions in their bed. There will restrictions in conversation and actions…some easier to follow…and others that might lead to a breaking point.

Some people just dont want to grown up…and others dont want to acknowledge that growing up means doing some things differently.

I think that person that gives their future husband/wife up to stay in the fast lane also may have a false sense of independance that they’re trying to hold on to.

And basically…if thry’re willing to give them up…then they weren’t ready for them anyways. Because they’re not ready to give up the selfish ways that singleness allows.

Parent…look before the large following of Democrats that read the board jump down your throat, let me gently set you straight. And I do so from a strong Conservative p.o.v. I mention that, because I want you to understand that I’m not a big fan of the whole race card we see thrown about so easy today.

While many of the challenges you face as a white parent are the same for black parents, there are experiences and issues you do not have to deal with. There is a different cultural view point on parenting that is different. There is baggage within the black community that screws our relationships all up, that you don’t have to deal with, and that you flatly would not even understand. I will give you an example from the political world. Harry Reid’s statement about Obama winning because he speaks well and is light skinned. He gets away with a racial remark like that because; 1. He’s a democrat, but I’ll leave that alone, 2. It’s true, to a degree. There is an issue within our community regarding light vs dark skinned. Your white child is never going to have to deal with that, nor will you as a spouse; assuming you’re married. This site and its name and aim is no different than say a website for CAtholics.

I can tell you that a black father has to have a different conversation with his son about dealing with police than a white parent does. There are differences. Hell, there are differences between how Italians may raise their kids, and Irish people. Get what I’m saying? Now if you have a site that was whiteandmarriedwithkids you’re right many would get up in arms, AND THEY WOULD BE WRONG. As long as you were just dealing with parenting, and say teaching your kids how to deal with other cultures, or whatever it is.

The main point is that are differences in our cultures that make a site, a tv channel, etc. a viable and good reason to have “black” centered media.
.-= joe blessing´s last blog ..Pondering Thoughts =-.