Does this sound familiar to you? You get in an argument with your significant other, they yell, you sulk (or vice versa), you go to bed angry, wake up and keep going at it? Every single time you argue?
How many of us can usually predict what will start a fight, who is quick to throw a jab below the belt, how long the fight will last, and who is usually the one to break down and say, “Honey, let’s not fight anymore” to keep the peace?
A lot of us (I’m including myself as well) fall into these “argument ruts” where we are so, well, predictable. For example, I know if my husband and I get into an argument, I have a tendency to raise my voice. Not yell, but talk louder. As a result, he tunes me out. Which gets me even more angry, so I talk louder. (Okay, now I’m yelling.)
Even though I know this, we continue the same cycle. What would happen if I made a conscious effort to keep my voice level? What if, instead of tuning me out, my husband simply asked me to keep it down? What if we changed our learned behaviors, just once, to see what would result?
Try it. Next time you have a disagreement, do the opposite of what you normally do. Loud and argumentative? Take a deep breath and count to 10 before speaking to keep your angry tongue in check. (Feel free to curse in your head, though.) Usually playing peacekeeper? Take your position firmly and see what happens. If nothing else, your significant other will be thrown off by the sudden change in personality.
Have you ever tinkered with your usual behavior to see different results during an argument? How did it work?
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What if, instead of tuning me out, my husband simply asked me to keep it down?
could be ground breaking
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Yes, I have tinkered my usual sarcasm-at-the-worst-possible-time during our arguments. It has revolutionized our marriage. LOL
Yeah I know what will start the argument, and I know how to end it. My husband doesn’t like to argue, and he usually thinks before he speaks. Me on the other hand NOT! and he is good at defusing the situation, I know how but I choose not to. I’m going to work on it though. Promise.
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My wife and I somestimes need a break from our two busy kidswhich is difercult at times because we don’t get alot of support from family or freinds but that stop us from caring and loving the children and each other.
Yes, this will actually work. There is that old popular saying, “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”. I try to keep this one in mind, because I know I get more bees with honey, I am often trying to do what leads to peace. Trying a different approach definitely produces different results. Good post!
Well, This is my year of doing the opposite of every situation I find myself getting into. The kids, the teachers, some random horrible lady in the market:) I’m trying to change my behavior all the way around especially when dealing with the Husband! We are working on not being Mr. and Mrs. Pettybicker (see my post 2times in one day)and it’s not easy. Love makes change worth it and I love my husband:) 5 kids and a business that has been hit with a brick by the economy we keep going and we go together. Losing house, cars, business and not Us or Our family is priceless:)
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