Deal Breakers

I definately think that my pre-marriage list of deal breakers has changed post-marriage. I also used to say that I would not stay with a person who does not compliment me, however, that has changed. I think I read an article here on BMWK that said that just because your spouse doesn’t compliment you everyday does not mean they don’t notice that you look nice,etc. I try to remember that when my husband has not complimented me in a while.

My list has definitely changed. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, till death do us part…Lord, why did I get in front of all those people and make a commitment like that? If I leave because my credit score has gone from 798 to friggin’ 520, then I told a great big lie. There were times I wanted to leave so badly, because I could have been doing bad by myself, but when it comes down to it, for richer or for poorer stopped me. This is a COVENANT, so even when it’s not convenient or comfortable, I’m in it for the long haul. I don’t think I could have said that before we got married.

The only showstoppers I have now is abuse and pedophilia. Everything else can be prayed, pressed and worked through if both parties are willing to try. Even abuse can be worked through, but I’m not staying under the same roof while that process is taking place.

Yes, I agree that my list has changed because I have changed, but only because I have grown and learned from certain mistakes and experiences (thank god). For me personally, the only thing that is not negotiable is abuse, because that’s something you can slice and dice 8 ways to sunday and it’s still wrong.

But different things have different meanings to different people so our reactions and how we go forward are different.

I have always been one to “never say never”. Of cousre some things are automatic grounds for divorce to me. I do know that I would be like Ms Miko and be in jail if I had a ped/perve that messed with my kids or even put their hands on my kids thinking they were disaplining them(whether he were the bio dad or not). There are some things I just don’t have the time for the courts to get done quickly enough. I can’t think of any deal or no deal breakers because in my marriage we were not 20 when we married and knew what we wanted and there have been no surprises we can’t handle. Once you get respect, love and knowing you really enjoy being around each other the only thing left is maintaning your health and making sure enough money is put away in our nest egg for “our golden years”. Now I can say that I know a few couples who are the bio parents to grown kids(30 yr old kids) who the moms allow to come back home and the husbands are leaving them all there, that would be an example of “my never saying never”. I would want the kids to stay but probably run away with my hubby. I really hope I don’t have to ever be in that situation.

Aside from abuse, I have one that is kinda funny–to the Jones family anyway. A couple of years ago we were watching 60 minutes or some show like that. They featured a couple where the man was going through a gender reassignment surgery, but wanted to stay married to his wife, and she was staying with him. I looked at my husband and told him that was a deal-breaker. He told me the same…