If You Had To Do It Over Again…
When I got married, I wished more than ever that I had a big sister. I had two younger sisters, who had never really been on a date, much less a serious relationship. And my mom? I couldn’t go to her with relationship issues because the smallest thing like, “He wouldn’t take out the trash” would turn into her loading her gun and hopping into the minivan to take care of business. (She was for real when she told my hubby to take care of me. LOL)
So lacking any older female support, I made a lot of mistakes that I’m sure I could have avoided or at the very least, recognize them for what they were (growing pains) and not immediately conclude that my marriage was doomed.
If I could go back to 2006 me, and tell her some pitfalls and situations to avoid in order to have a more fulfilling marriage, here’s tops on my list.
1.Just because y’all are already parents, doesn’t mean you get to act like a couple that’s been married 21 years. My husband and I got married six months after having our daughter. The fact that we still made it to the altar after my intense bout with postpartum depression and our combined sleep deprivation without killing each other means we loved each other a lot. But once we got married, we never had that giggly, show-off-the-ring, tell honeymoon stories period in our marriage. It was like, “I do…swear to strangle you if you don’t hurry up and get that child. Don’t you hear her screaming?” Looking back, I should have embraced that period more. Regardless of whether we had a child already, we were still newlyweds.
2.Every argument is NOT a sign your marriage is in trouble. We would have a good month, then a great month, and then a week from hell. Then another few good months would go by, a few more great months, and then we’d have an argument that lasted two days. I was convinced this meant our marriage was in trouble. Instead I should have understood that every marriage has its ups and downs and these were ours.
3.Have sex even if you don’t always feel like it. I had an extremely hard time getting back in the swing of things after having our daughter. Our longest drought was about three months. I know some of y’all might think, “Oh, that’s nothing,” but we are a couple who usually couldn’t go longer than a 24-hour period without some nookie. Night after night of rejection didn’t help our marriage at all. I’d have to tell 2006 Me that whatever it is that I need to do to feel sexy or in the mood, DO IT.
BMWK readers, it’s your turn. What would you say to a younger, pre-marriage you? What advice would you give yourself to possibly strengthen your marriage?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer from Ohio, where she lives with her husband and two kids. Visit her blog, TheYoungMommyLife.com, for daily musings about the issues young moms face.
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