The Groupie

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on May 3rd, 2009 | 10 comments

Either VH1 or MTV (can’t remember which network) aired a program about Hip Hop Wives. It caught my attention because I was curious about how the couples met and in what way the wives dealt with all that came along with being in the public eye. A few of them like Ice Cube, LL and Snoop Dogg met their wives before they were big celebrities. I love the fact that they chose the woman who was with them when they had nothing, I respect that. Now my ears immediately perked up when the wives discussed groupies. All Snoop’s wife had to say to the groupies was “he’s mine, you may have had him once but I have him all the time” which I believe is a song lyric. But that wasn’t good enough for me; I don’t want you to even have him once. A few of the other wives added that they don’t worry about groupies at all. I couldn’t help but to worry about some other woman, who knows he is married and decides to still chase after my husband. I’ve asked other wives what they would do if their husbands were entertainers and had groupies. Some responses I received included staying in prayer (which I know will work) and trusting your husband. Then Doug and Jackie Christie (NBA Player & his wife) came to mind. Now if any of you have had the opportunity to watch their reality show you would see how serious she was about keeping her husband away from the temptation. I wouldn’t choose that extreme either. So I came to the conclusion that I would definitely pray, make sure I was putting work into my marriage so that we both were happy and then I would really just have to trust my husband to do right by me.

How would you handle your spouse being an entertainer and having a ton of groupies who wanted them? If you were the entertainer how would you handle good looking people wanting you and always hanging around, would you be able to resist temptation?

By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter of Life Editing, The Black Wives’ Club and an Administrator of Still Dating My Spouse.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Simply

Actually a man doesn’t even have to be an entertainer to have women chasing after him. Heck if he keeps his hair cut and has a decent car, those things alone bring some women “flocking”. And I guess it is a matter of trusting your spouse or significant other to believe in your relationship enough not to want to step out of bounds or bring drama into your relationship just because someone is giving them attention. I also think self esteem plays a big part in whether or not you let that kind of stuff get in your head. Because if you know 100% your mate has your back, knows all your “stuff” and still loves you inspite of or because of it, you will be flattered by the attention thank the person and “keep it moving”. In the end, when meeting someone new the “shine” eventually wears off when bad habits, issues and behaviors begin to surface, then you find yourself looking at them sideways. There is always going to be someone who appears to be better, it’s just a matter of saying OK “enough is enough”
http://www.lovesbattlescars.blogspot.com Her Side

In this case, prevention is the best cure. I never dated police officers, and I would never date somebody headed towards the spotlight of fame.

Know. Thy. Limits.

Like Simply said above, you don’t have to be famous for folks to chase after you. But “volume” is the key word, and I know I am not equipped to deal with the loss of privacy and the inevitable temptations that my partner would face.
Jonesi

Take it as a compliment someone else wants your man. The issue is not about the other women, but whether the man can control himself. I would never waste my life trying to babysit my husband and keep him away from temptation. If it got to that point, then one of us has to move on. There is nothing we as women can do to stop a man from giving in to his desires but pray that he will uphold his commitment to remain faithful and respectful to the relationship. I do feel for the wives of high profile men though because some women out here are ruthless

Keeping God first is all one can really do
CartersMom

I personnally don’t worry about other females, they are not obligated to me, my husband is obligated to me. Do I feel bad for entertainers wives, spouse etc, hell no. They are all aware of what they may encounter dating and marrying these entertainers. They all have big houses, nice cars, unlimited shopping, nanny to watch their children 24 hrs of the day. They reap what they sow, being married to an entertainer u loose urself, these women forgot about the importants of marriage and their standards because it’s easier to be with someone with a status, than to be with someone that will respect, love and cherish them. Most of these entertainer wives value materialistic items and they don’t worry about other women because they have a title. As for me, if my husband is tempted and had an affair because of temptation, then that is his prerogative and he has to live with it not me
Kerlley

I agree with the previous comments, my hubby is not a celebrity but as Simply stated that does not stop women from chasing. I think when certain women know a man is married they worked even harder. I have been with my hubby for the past 12 years and thru those years we have both matured. My younger days I would be ready to go to blows with any chick that was trying to get next to him. But as the years went by and my children came I realized I have other things I need to focus on. I also realized I need to give him that ownership to say I’m in a relationship and I’m not going to jeopardize that. Life, marriage & children are enough for me to handle I have to trust in God and in my hubby to do the right thang.
Natural_Oasis

It all boils down to trust and knowing who you are dealing with! I think most people know what to expect from their spouse. We as women have intuition and you know in your gut if your man is out in the streets getting with other women, now if you chose to ignore it then you have another issue. Speaking for myself, I am a 6 ft tall, dark skin female and I know my husband loves me and respects our union. When we go out he gets attention from the opposite sex, we both do, but he doesn’t let that cloud his judgement and give some stranger unnecessary attention. I know, from past years experiences, that he respects and cherishes relationships/marriage. He, unlike alot of men, tend to look at the bigger picture in regards to the hints that women will give men to let them know that they are interested or are willing to satisfy them in exchange for money and other gifts. I think some men tend to feed their ego and indulge in the conquest but are obviously losing site of all of the possible consequences.
Anonymous

Great points ladies, I am surprised we haven’t heard from any of the men yet.
NaturalOasis

@ Anonymous, I think the men have to choose their words “carefully,” LOL! I look forward to seeing this from the male perspective.
(Still waiting )
http://twitter.com/m_zenzele makeydah

you have to be completely delusional to think that praying is going to keep a man faithful! lmao – so silly. A man will remain faithful if HE decides to, not your god. Remain a good wife so your man is grateful to have you. You get on your knees if you want, your man will run off with that sinner while you are down there!
http://twitter.com/m_zenzele makeydah

you have to be completely delusional to think that praying is going to
keep a man faithful! lmao – so silly. A man will remain faithful if HE
decides to, not your god. Remain a good wife so your man is grateful
to have you. You get on your knees if you want, your man will run off
with that sinner while you are down there!

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