BATTLE! It Has Come to This

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on May 6th, 2009 | 10 comments

by Harriet

The last article I wrote came from a very emotional place. Financial pressure and the threat to lose your home, as some of you know, is enough to knock a pause in you. From a practical standpoint, it’s so important that that pause does not last more than a few seconds. When it comes right down to it, the time has come for my husband and I to BATTLE…not against one another, but against the attitudes that would cause us to continue down this vicious path of financial failure.

It has come to this:

- Each time we get paid, we bring our check stubs to the table with another couple we are holding ourselves accountable to. We will look at our budget and allow them to coach us and ensure we are sticking to it.

- Since we’re in foreclosure, our mortgage company won’t accept payments, so while we wait for them to let us know if they have approved our loan modification, we will set the money aside that we normally would have sent them and allow it to accumulate.

- My husband’s job does not do direct deposit, so each time he gets paid, instead of him cashing his check and only fulfilling part of our planned budget, he and I will go together to cash it. I will give him the money to cover his portion of our budget and set the rest in an account to accumulate.

It didn’t have to come to this, but since we’re here, there’s no need to cry over spilled milk. The best way for us to swallow the elephant of keeping our home and getting out of debt is one small bite at a time. Thank you for your prayers and support! As we progress, I will keep you posted.

BMWK, desperate times call for desperately practical measures. How are YOU staying above board with your finances during these turbulent times?

God bless!

~ Harriet

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Smooth

Harriet,

Just keep doing with you are doing and remember what God has for you is for you! You might have to move out of this house but your next one will be better and blessed. You just might be saving for the down payment, ain’t God good. Most times we don’t praise God enough and now is your season to praise Him and Thank Him for the blessings he has in store for your and your husband,you’ll are making preparations.
Get Ready to celebrate!!!!!
http://www.lovesbattlescars.blogspot.com Her Side

I breeze in and out, so I didn’t realize your family was facing this challenge…

First and foremost… BRAVO for the steps you’re taking! And may God bless every work of your hand to turn this around.

I was fortunate enough to purchase a townhouse years ago and my mortgage is VERY low… almost half what people pay to rent in the area. I’m not crazy about my neighborhood (which declined quite sharply over the last 7 years), but my payments are heaven sent. My car is also paid off.

I make enough money to take care of the household needs and set some aside. Problem is… I’m not setting anything aside. I kick myself all the time, because I never know when my paycheck-to-paycheck existence will catch up with me.

The fiance and I recently took steps to drastically lower our food bill – by shopping at a better market, buying mostly things on special, and me taking lunch to work. We cut down on the entertainment spending, and we’re gonna start trimming the cable extras.

None of this has led to building a single savings or emergency account. I believe laziness – along with the “well, we’re not facing a crisis right now” attitude keeps us from making a better commitment. We often lament how terribly lax we’ve been about this.

We’re a work-in-progress, and I am thankful for this reminder that sooner is much better than later, because later isn’t promised.
Harriet

@ Smooth,

Thank you for your words of encouragement! I agree with you 100%, and recognizing the season we’re in is SO important.

I put a quote on my facebook page this morning that speaks to both the faith and trust I have in the Lord during this difficult time. “In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” ~ Albert Camus

I’m celebrating now! Just the fact that we’re still alive, and in our right minds (trust me…I wanted to let it go for a second) is cause enough to celebrate. Seeing what the Lord is doing in the midst of this time in terms of developing discipline in my husband and patience in me is such a blessing.

Don’t get me wrong…I HATE that we had to get to this point…but if this is what it takes, and our marriage comes out stronger on the other end of it, then so be it. Blessed be the name of the Lord, whether we are able to keep our home or not!
Harriet

@ Her Side

Amen, sister…we cut back on cable, we don’t eat out at all, we have prepaid phones, we cut back in so many areas, and the bottom line for us is we were just living beyond our means, and not being good stewards of where the money was going. Couple that with one emergency after another, and you’ll find yourself in a predicament that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. NOW is the time! That way you won’t be an after school special like we are. LOL!!!! There will be a happy ending for us, but right now, it’s a BATTLE.
Nikki

May you continue to be bless. Trials will come. Learn from this experience and know that God is in control. Life is your own best teacher.
Tammy C.

Nothing’s too hard for God and this to shall pass! Keep strong faith and know that God can turn things around.
Prov31lady

We attended Financial Peace University at our church. Dave Ramsey gets in your face about how you’re handling money and how to get to a place where you can live like no one else – debt free and succesfully managing your money. I thank God for making us see the light years ago and that we can be blessing to others during this time of drought. Go to Dave’s website to find a location near you. You won’t regret it. Your life will never be the same. BTW – there is a program for kids and it is helping us to teach our girls to not go down the same painful path when it comes to money. We pray they’ll get a lot further and be a lot smarter financially.
http://www.mrkingjames.blogspot.com King James

Thanks for sharing HH.

- My husband’s job does not do direct deposit, so each time he gets paid, instead of him cashing his check and only fulfilling part of our planned budget, he and I will go together to cash it. I will give him the money to cover his portion of our budget and set the rest in an account to accumulate.

I didn’t understand that part. You GIVE him money? For what part of the budget… what’s the difference in you going together… concerning the planned budget.

*not asking about giving as in ‘what right do you have’… and not asking about the ‘going together’ from a unity aspect.

I simply don’t understand.

King Jamess last blog post..I’m OPEN
Harriet

@ KJ…I probably could have made that point a little more clear. What I was saying was once my husband got paid, and he went to cash his check, between him cashing it and him getting home, somewhere along the way, money “fell out of his pocket,” meaning his check said one thing, but the money he was bringing home said another.

He LOVES music, and every two weeks, 3 or 4 CDs tend to add up. Purchasing DVDs tend to add up. Getting a shirt here or a tie there tend to add up. And paying for tickets in lieu of going to jail DEFINITELY add up.

The materialstic stuff stopped last year sometime, but once 09 started, a lot of traffic tickets he got from years and years ago (some before we even met) came back to haunt him.

So we agreed that I would have all the money in hand, and only give him what was needed to fulfill his part of the budget. Everything extra (if anything was left) will be stashed away in savings/interest bearing accounts.
http://www.cisterspeak.com CS

If God brought you to, he will get you through it. I will definitely pray for the best for you and your family.

BATTLE! It Has Come to This

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