By Eric Payne
Is your cell phone always ringing with a family member by marriage on the line? Does your wife lean heavy on you to get the job done for the in-laws even though there are plenty of able bodied men around — relatives, in-laws and otherwise? In your own family, are you the one everyone calls because they know: 1) you’re gonna pick up the phone; 2) you can’t say no; and 3) not only do you come through, you go above and beyond what is asked of you…every time, all the time? And if you’re one of these men, doesn’t it get tiring? Don’t you just want to tell everyone to go somewhere? Every once in a while wouldn’t it be nice for someone to do something nice for you? But then you realize, they’re too busy asking you for stuff to be bothered offering themselves to you.
It’s not easy being a son-in-law on speed dial. These men are forced to walk the thin line of not wanting to disappoint but not being taken advantage of in the process.
This predicament can be managed by establishing boundaries. Make sure you don’t do anything that compromises your integrity and NEVER do anything at the expense of your immediate family. Learning how to say no every once in a while can do wonders for your peace of mind.
But there’s something else to keep in mind: God has placed you in the situation you’re in to do the things that need to be done — things no one else would do at all if you weren’t around, because you’re able. Take being in high demand as a compliment from God and a blessing, not the occasional inconsiderateness of the people in your life.
Are you a Son-In-Law on Speed Dial (or brother, cousin, nephew, uncle), or do your know one? How do you (watch them) deal?
Eric Payne lives with his wife and kids just outside of New York City and writes about married life and fatherhood at MakesMeWannaHoller.com. He also writes a fatherhood column at MochaManual.com. He is the author of I See Through Eyes, a book of poetry and short stories. His short fiction has appeared in Spindle Magazine and DiddleDog Magazine.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
E,
Not sure if I agree with you on the “God has placed us in this situation” point (Unless this is hell). But my father-in-law has been the reason I have been electrocuted twice, fallen out of tree with an operating chainsaw, and lost nearly every Sunday doing manual labor on a house I do not own. Because I was too nice to say no in the beginning, I have fallen into the role of Mr. Greenjeans. Though this can be flattering in the beginning, you realize that at some point your are being taken advantage of. Does this bother me? Hell yes. Will I keep doing it? Proabably. I actually like my father-in-law and realize that this is what he wanted if he had a son. But I do it because I love my wife. BTW- You might find that it is usually a father-in-law/ mother-in-law with no sons that take adavantage of the indentured servitude.
Aki
Ak,
I know I didn’t need to write “within reason” anywhere in this post. “Within reason” brother. Having near death experiences isn’t about being able.
That’s something else entirely.
Thanks for the comment.
E.
Erics last blog post..Last Minute Mother’s Day Gifts
Does this apply to women too? If so I’m #1, I get the phone call after he gets it and doesn’t pick up. I’ve gone so far as to hand him the phone and then hear (because my phone is loud) “I called her, I didn’t call to speak to you” but if I were to answer it would be “is he with you? Well he didn’t answer his phone.” and he can be at work. LOL It’s a trip….
I’m really glad I never let my fiance’s mother think she can call me for anything. I had to remind her that I had a mother who wanted me to do things for her already and that was her son’s responsiblity, not mine. I understand she doesn’t have a daughter but that’s not my fault. I have a mother that calls me enough, I don’t need someone else mother getting on my nerves. My mother is the ONLY mother that gets special treatment from me.