Comments on: Why Her? http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her Promoting Positive Images of Marriage and Parenting Since 2007 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:03:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Visitor http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-45315 Visitor Thu, 15 Sep 2011 15:17:00 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-45315 Okay, I'm sorry.  I think this is a legitimate TOPIC, but not situation.  If you decide to be in an OPEN RELATIONSHIP for TWO YEARS, you do NOT get to complain about the outcome.  Set some boundaries.  Love yourself better.  I have a hard time believing this story about this assertive woman who couldn't assert herself in the most basic and fundemental way in a relationship.  I am worth exclusivity and if you want to continue to see me, that is the condition.  I fear for future generations of women who are not taught this, fundementally.  And yes, men want women who are PLEASANT to be around.  They have to imagine you as the mother of their children and someone that is going to affirm you publicly and privately.  Shoot, I am a woman and my job at work is hard enough.  My husband and I both value a quiet and peaceful home that is a sanctuary from the crazy of the world.  This is why I tell people to marry their best friend.  That is someone who you like and enjoy for who they are.  You RESPECT them and they would NEVER consent to a open relationship with your because they ACTUALLY care about you and your well-being.  Okay, I’m sorry.  I think this is a legitimate TOPIC, but not situation. 

If you decide to be in an OPEN RELATIONSHIP for TWO YEARS, you do NOT get to complain about the outcome.  Set some boundaries.  Love yourself better.  I have a hard time believing this story about this assertive woman who couldn’t assert herself in the most basic and fundemental way in a relationship.  I am worth exclusivity and if you want to continue to see me, that is the condition.  I fear for future generations of women who are not taught this, fundementally. 

And yes, men want women who are PLEASANT to be around.  They have to imagine you as the mother of their children and someone that is going to affirm you publicly and privately.  Shoot, I am a woman and my job at work is hard enough.  My husband and I both value a quiet and peaceful home that is a sanctuary from the crazy of the world.  This is why I tell people to marry their best friend.  That is someone who you like and enjoy for who they are.  You RESPECT them and they would NEVER consent to a open relationship with your because they ACTUALLY care about you and your well-being. 

]]> By: NewwwMama http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-16119 NewwwMama Mon, 27 Jul 2009 17:35:40 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-16119 Touche! I think this hit the issue and the answer on the head! Sheer Almshouse said: I hear what you say about the open relationship and both accepting that. I agree with a few things already said. As RJ indicated, the man is not really ready for marriage. You dont play eenie meenie mine moe to pick a partner. But I say that neither was she. I think her issue is that she feels a little rejected because she wasn’t chosen. That is understandable. But would she feel better if she were chosen to be proposed to by a man who up until the proposal was dating another person? I can understand that you want to keep your options open especially if you are looking for the best fit…but somehow… TWO YEARS seems like a whole lot of time. Men do this all the time. They date multiple women and pick the least combative one to marry. But is this the kind of man you desire? If you do have issues from being passive or abused in the past, a life partner will call you out when you are going overboard and insist that you get help. A man who is really into commitment does not act this way. I can bet that when his new wife starts to be something other than he finds delightful, he will begin dating alongside his marriage. But ultimately, only she knows if she was a little too aggressive. Maybe there was an issue in the power balance and she felt she had to struggle to have her say. A good and healthy relationship accepts each person as an equal partner, contributing different strengths and weaknesses. So I say, wish him and his fiance every bit of happiness and move right on to find your own sister. Please stay away from open dating… any relationship worth it’s mettle does have an exclusive date. And unless there are reasons like distance, they do become exclusive way before two years. When you do find one so worthy, pick you battles wisely. Touche! I think this hit the issue and the answer on the head!

Sheer Almshouse said:
I hear what you say about the open relationship and both accepting that. I agree with a few things already said.

As RJ indicated, the man is not really ready for marriage. You dont play eenie meenie mine moe to pick a partner. But I say that neither was she. I think her issue is that she feels a little rejected because she wasn’t chosen. That is understandable.

But would she feel better if she were chosen to be proposed to by a man who up until the proposal was dating another person?

I can understand that you want to keep your options open especially if you are looking for the best fit…but somehow… TWO YEARS seems like a whole lot of time.

Men do this all the time. They date multiple women and pick the least combative one to marry. But is this the kind of man you desire?

If you do have issues from being passive or abused in the past, a life partner will call you out when you are going overboard and insist that you get help. A man who is really into commitment does not act this way.

I can bet that when his new wife starts to be something other than he finds delightful, he will begin dating alongside his marriage.

But ultimately, only she knows if she was a little too aggressive. Maybe there was an issue in the power balance and she felt she had to struggle to have her say. A good and healthy relationship accepts each person as an equal partner, contributing different strengths and weaknesses.

So I say, wish him and his fiance every bit of happiness and move right on to find your own sister. Please stay away from open dating… any relationship worth it’s mettle does have an exclusive date. And unless there are reasons like distance, they do become exclusive way before two years. When you do find one so worthy, pick you battles wisely.

]]> By: blacktastic49 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-15577 blacktastic49 Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:50:21 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-15577 and also what is this about surrendering authority to a man just because he is a man, and it makes him feel better? You only surrender unto a man when he first of all holds the true position of head of household and handles the business of the family which means that every decision that is made right, wrong or indifferent falls on the shoulders of that "MAN". It really upsets me that men have a problem with strong, independent thinking women who get it done on a daily basis, because it is due to the fact that we have been forced into the position of head of household, decision maker, doctor, lawyer, and indian chief and not by choice! I think that what men don't realize is that we really don't want to take on that role, but we are forced to because our men really don't have a true understanding of what it takes to run a household, nor do they really want the pressure of it all, so what else are we left to do but get it done because we have noone else to do it for us! And the saddest part of all is that when you have a woman like that, it takes a very strong and patient man to get a woman to even feel comfortable to slide into the position that was originally meant for her to hold. So tell me what man out there is really ready, willing or even able to hold that spot? and also what is this about surrendering authority to a man just because he is a man, and it makes him feel better? You only surrender unto a man when he first of all holds the true position of head of household and handles the business of the family which means that every decision that is made right, wrong or indifferent falls on the shoulders of that “MAN”. It really upsets me that men have a problem with strong, independent thinking women who get it done on a daily basis, because it is due to the fact that we have been forced into the position of head of household, decision maker, doctor, lawyer, and indian chief and not by choice! I think that what men don’t realize is that we really don’t want to take on that role, but we are forced to because our men really don’t have a true understanding of what it takes to run a household, nor do they really want the pressure of it all, so what else are we left to do but get it done because we have noone else to do it for us! And the saddest part of all is that when you have a woman like that, it takes a very strong and patient man to get a woman to even feel comfortable to slide into the position that was originally meant for her to hold. So tell me what man out there is really ready, willing or even able to hold that spot?

]]> By: blacktastic49 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-15576 blacktastic49 Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:33:43 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-15576 frst of all the beginning of this has to do with not what type of woman this gentleman was dealing with, the real question is why was he in a relaionship with two women, and did both of the women know about each other? The one mistake that men and women make is not being honest from the jump! It is so simple to do because then you give the other peron the option on whether or not they want to be or remain in that type of situaion. We as women give men that don't deserve any credit at all, all he credit in the world! The guy should have made up his mind on what type of woman he wanted to marry before he even started dating, and then once he realized what he was looking for then and only then that was the type of woman he should have been looking for. The lame excuse about a strong vs. weak woman is the weakest of all. Stop making this always about what a man wants ladies because you have to remember that even if a man looks at you, likes what he sees, wants to be with you or even wants to marry you he will be able to do none of that if YOU don't choose HIM!!!! frst of all the beginning of this has to do with not what type of woman this gentleman was dealing with, the real question is why was he in a relaionship with two women, and did both of the women know about each other? The one mistake that men and women make is not being honest from the jump! It is so simple to do because then you give the other peron the option on whether or not they want to be or remain in that type of situaion. We as women give men that don’t deserve any credit at all, all he credit in the world! The guy should have made up his mind on what type of woman he wanted to marry before he even started dating, and then once he realized what he was looking for then and only then that was the type of woman he should have been looking for. The lame excuse about a strong vs. weak woman is the weakest of all. Stop making this always about what a man wants ladies because you have to remember that even if a man looks at you, likes what he sees, wants to be with you or even wants to marry you he will be able to do none of that if YOU don’t choose HIM!!!!

]]> By: experiencedblkman http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-14110 experiencedblkman Mon, 18 May 2009 23:42:53 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-14110 TO THE COMMENT ABOVE HE WAS ACTUALLY PLAYING HIMSELF, DATING TWO WOMEN DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO REALLY KNOW THAT PERSON <abbr><em>experiencedblkmans last blog post..<a href="http://news.aol.com/article/airport-scanners-naked-pictures/488332" rel="nofollow">Do New Scanners Violate Privacy?</a></abbr></em> TO THE COMMENT ABOVE HE WAS ACTUALLY PLAYING HIMSELF, DATING TWO WOMEN DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO REALLY KNOW THAT PERSON

experiencedblkmans last blog post..Do New Scanners Violate Privacy?

]]> By: experiencedblkman http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-14109 experiencedblkman Mon, 18 May 2009 23:33:53 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-14109 WELL, THE PROBLEM IS SPENDING THAT MUCH TIME WITHOUT BEING COMMITED, OR DISCUSSING ANY FUTURE PLANS. WOMEN KNOW AS WELL AS MEN, THE ATTRACTION WITHIN A FEW MINUTES OF MEETING. HE WAS HAPPY TO PUT UP WITH HER ATTITUDE WHEN IT WAS GOOD FOR HIM, SO NOW THE COW HAS BEEN MILKED THERE ISN'T ANYTHING LEFT, HE CHOSE SOMEONE HE FEELS WILL BE MORE PASSIVE AND LESS ARGUMENTIVE. LADYS DON'T KEEP ENTERING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS THAT DRAINS YOU AND LEAVE YOU WANDERING WHY HE CHOSE HER OVER YOU, YOU REALLY KNOW WHY,IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER BUT EVERYTHING WITH YOU WELL, THE PROBLEM IS SPENDING THAT MUCH TIME WITHOUT BEING COMMITED, OR DISCUSSING ANY FUTURE PLANS. WOMEN KNOW AS WELL AS MEN, THE ATTRACTION WITHIN A FEW MINUTES OF MEETING. HE WAS HAPPY TO PUT UP WITH HER ATTITUDE WHEN IT WAS GOOD FOR HIM, SO NOW THE COW HAS BEEN MILKED THERE ISN’T ANYTHING LEFT, HE CHOSE SOMEONE HE FEELS WILL BE MORE PASSIVE AND LESS ARGUMENTIVE. LADYS DON’T KEEP ENTERING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS THAT DRAINS YOU AND LEAVE YOU WANDERING WHY HE CHOSE HER OVER YOU, YOU REALLY KNOW WHY,IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER BUT EVERYTHING WITH YOU

]]> By: ruffyy http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-14107 ruffyy Mon, 18 May 2009 21:37:47 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-14107 Nobody said finding you mate is going to be easy. As I told my daughter you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. Even then there are no guarantees. Everyones in the dark. ruffyy ruffyy@gmail.com Nobody said finding you mate is going to be easy. As I told my daughter you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. Even then there are no guarantees. Everyones in the dark.

ruffyy
ruffyy@gmail.com

]]> By: Sheer Almshouse http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-14104 Sheer Almshouse Mon, 18 May 2009 20:42:14 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-14104 I hear what you say about the open relationship and both accepting that. I agree with a few things already said. As RJ indicated, the man is not really ready for marriage. You dont play eenie meenie mine moe to pick a partner. But I say that neither was she. I think her issue is that she feels a little rejected because she wasn't chosen. That is understandable. But would she feel better if she were chosen to be proposed to by a man who up until the proposal was dating another person? I can understand that you want to keep your options open especially if you are looking for the best fit...but somehow... TWO YEARS seems like a whole lot of time. Men do this all the time. They date multiple women and pick the least combative one to marry. But is this the kind of man you desire? If you do have issues from being passive or abused in the past, a life partner will call you out when you are going overboard and insist that you get help. A man who is really into commitment does not act this way. I can bet that when his new wife starts to be something other than he finds delightful, he will begin dating alongside his marriage. But ultimately, only she knows if she was a little too aggressive. Maybe there was an issue in the power balance and she felt she had to struggle to have her say. A good and healthy relationship accepts each person as an equal partner, contributing different strengths and weaknesses. So I say, wish him and his fiance every bit of happiness and move right on to find your own sister. Please stay away from open dating... any relationship worth it's mettle does have an exclusive date. And unless there are reasons like distance, they do become exclusive way before two years. When you do find one so worthy, pick you battles wisely. <abbr><em>Sheer Almshouses last blog post..<a href="http://sheeralmshouse.blogspot.com/2009/05/one-less-day.html" rel="nofollow">One less day</a></abbr></em> I hear what you say about the open relationship and both accepting that. I agree with a few things already said.

As RJ indicated, the man is not really ready for marriage. You dont play eenie meenie mine moe to pick a partner. But I say that neither was she. I think her issue is that she feels a little rejected because she wasn’t chosen. That is understandable.

But would she feel better if she were chosen to be proposed to by a man who up until the proposal was dating another person?

I can understand that you want to keep your options open especially if you are looking for the best fit…but somehow… TWO YEARS seems like a whole lot of time.

Men do this all the time. They date multiple women and pick the least combative one to marry. But is this the kind of man you desire?

If you do have issues from being passive or abused in the past, a life partner will call you out when you are going overboard and insist that you get help. A man who is really into commitment does not act this way.

I can bet that when his new wife starts to be something other than he finds delightful, he will begin dating alongside his marriage.

But ultimately, only she knows if she was a little too aggressive. Maybe there was an issue in the power balance and she felt she had to struggle to have her say. A good and healthy relationship accepts each person as an equal partner, contributing different strengths and weaknesses.

So I say, wish him and his fiance every bit of happiness and move right on to find your own sister. Please stay away from open dating… any relationship worth it’s mettle does have an exclusive date. And unless there are reasons like distance, they do become exclusive way before two years. When you do find one so worthy, pick you battles wisely.

Sheer Almshouses last blog post..One less day

]]> By: ruffyy http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-14054 ruffyy Sat, 16 May 2009 16:48:57 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-14054 Dating two people at once is like playing double Russian roulette with your physical and emotional health. Date one person and burn it out and chalk up the relationship as experience. Learn human nature one person at a time. Get checked out periodically. Some diseases can take a decade to rear it's ugly head, usually when you have found 'the one' or maybe married. It's not your fathers dating situation anymore. rufyy ruffyy@gmail.com Dating two people at once is like playing double Russian roulette with your physical and emotional health. Date one person and burn it out and chalk up the relationship as experience. Learn human nature one person at a time. Get checked out periodically. Some diseases can take a decade to rear it’s ugly head, usually when you have found ‘the one’ or maybe married. It’s not your fathers dating situation anymore.

rufyy
ruffyy@gmail.com

]]> By: ruffyy http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/05/12/why-her/comment-page-1#comment-14053 ruffyy Sat, 16 May 2009 16:41:19 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=4422#comment-14053 as with all dating you cannot really know what a person is really like until that ring. The ultimate gotcha moment. ruffyy ruffyy@gmail.com as with all dating you cannot really know what a person is really like until that ring. The ultimate gotcha moment.

ruffyy
ruffyy@gmail.com

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