by Tara Pringle Jefferson
Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been seeing a reoccurring theme regarding relationships: what happens when sexual desires go unfulfilled?
On the Michael Baisen show, they set aside part of the show to talk about why men look to their mistresses to fulfill certain sexual desires his wife won’t touch. “Half the time, men don’t even ask the wife to do that freaky stuff!” Michael said. “They don’t bother, because they know they will get shut down.”
A few days later, I was watching a sermon on TV, by the first lady of a local church. She was talking about how she fulfilled her husband’s every need, as a good Christian wife should. She said (and I quote!), “I keep my man satisfied. I ask him, ‘How you do want it? Where do you want it? What position? I lay it on him so good, he can’t do nothing else but preach! ‘Cause I know there’s another woman waiting in the wings, but he’s too tired to go after her! He has no need for her!” As I heard the women in the audience give out their “Amen, sister!” I thought about it. Should women (and men) be willing to do whatever it takes to keep their partner happy in the bedroom?
Speak your piece: Do you think there should be boundaries between married couples? Or does no sexual wish go unfulfilled?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her keen observations about life, motherhood and love.
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I am cracking up too much with the chuckie cheese smile the man has on his face in the pic posted that I know I can’t even comment. I will leave a comment later.
Well this first lady is a trip. In my opinion she sounded very carnal and fleshy there is a way she could’ve said it and still have some sanctity to it. Yes I do think it’s important that husbands and wives should fulfill each other’s sexual needs. Now that the both of you are married your bodies belong to each other.
When your spouse is coming to you with these things that he or she is requesting from you if it’s something you’ve never done before and you’re not feeling comfortable with it. I think it’s important that you discuss with your spouse in a loving tone and ask where is that coming from what inspired them to make such a request.
If they got it from outside your marriage such as watching pornagraphy etc. now we have a problem. The fact that he or she is looking outside of the marriage to get idea’s is a red flag because if he/she is looking at other areas there is a possibility he/she maybe looking at other men/women as well and there is a chance that he/she may commit adultrey if his/her sexual needs are not fulfilled.
As a woman of God this would not me acceptable in my marriage. The bible speaks about lust. Lust is something that never gets fulfilled no matter how extreme you go and guess what getting married won’t calm your lust issues either.
A man or a woman thats dealing with lust is going to have get on the word of God and start to daily and consistently renew there minds in that area because the bible says as a man thinketh in his heart so is he.
There is nothing wrong with wanting your spouse fulfilling a sexual desire of yours but when it comes to your spouse getting these ideas outside of your marriage then this is not acceptable. This is a clear indication that lust is present and their lust issues need to dealt with in a Godly manner because no matter what you do for them they will never be satisfied because lust is never satisfied it keeps going and going to the point that it can progress into adultry if that man or woman fails to renew there mind with Gods word in that area of their life.
Folks nothing just happens there is always a reason behind everything we say and do.
Kentis last blog post..Kenti On Mens Style
No. If your mate comes to you and says, let’s do it with a dog, are you just going to say, yes baby, sure? What about a 3-some or orgy? Swinging?
Within reason you should try to work with each other to be sexually happy and satisfied but not every *need* needs to be explored, IMO.
I love this topic! I agree with Kenti about that pastor’s way of putting things. That may have been a bit much in my opinion.
As far as this question: I think it all depends on what the act is and how u feel when performing it. It has to be within reason and respects the marriage and BOTH people in it. I mean, the fact is that in a marriage, in general, do u ALWAYS get what u want? No, not at all. So why should the bedroom be any different. Do women automatically get help from their husband when it’s time to cook, clean, and stay at home to watch the kids? My point in all of this is to say that being in a marriage is more than “getting everything u want.” It’s about understanding and compromise. If my husband comes to me and asks me to do something, witinh reason and respect, I will definitely consider it. (But hey, I make it do what it do so he should have no complaints….lol!)
As long as it is not a sin (swinging, orgies, beastiality etc.)…its in your best interest to do it. Why would you leave your spouse with unfulfilled desires when you are the ONLY person that can fulfill them?
I can admit that there may be things that i would not necessarily want to do but i will try it for his sake.
And as far as the pastors wife…was this at a womens conference or a marriage series?
Besides…I think the Church is way too quiet on sexual topics. Maybe our society wouldnt have as many problems if those issues were hit head on from the pulpit. This might not be what we expect to hear but I think its what we need. And i dont think it was distasteful…just keepin it real.
These are some really great responses @ Lakeysha I totally agree with you the church needs to speak more often about these type of sexual issues. There was nothing wrong with that first Lady making mention of sexual issues the concern was how it was dilivered. God is a God of order and it’s very important that we find balance in what we do. As a first Lady there is a standard of excellence and respect that she must uphold for the people that she serves and her husband and that goes for any leader thats serves in the church. Based on what she said it sounded like she went a a bit overbaord and there was no balance.
Kentis last blog post..Kenti On Mens Style
You would think that there would be a discussion of expectations and desires before the marriage. No?
I knew going in that I’m not going to get the Burger King way. How, when, what, where, when, when and when was/is not going to happen. I’m cool with that. I think boundaries really should be established before the marriage, and reviewed, (hopefully REVISED), discussed as the relationship progresses.
@Lakesha, I hear you.
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A preacher said all that in a church?!? Okay. I’m just wondering if it was during a regular Sunday morning sermon and if there were children present. To be honest, I’m really feeling this woman’s approach to keeping her husband happy. Hmmm, I noticed that she didn’t mention WHEN he wants it.
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As far as the first lady goes, I do believe it was a women’s service. I scanned the audience and it was predomiantely female. But yes, that is what she said verbatim! My jaw dropped open. I had never heard someone of the church speak so candidly about sex before.
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Mothering in public
I feel a woman should do whatever she is comfortable doing, but also try to be a little bit more spontaneous for her husband.
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You know I agree with LaKeysha 100%… It is in both parties best interest to do what needs to be done to satisfy their partner; within reason and not sinning of course lol…
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I’m with Lakeysha 2000%!!
As far as the demographics of the church service in question, Tara, unfortunately, that could be true of a regular Sunday morning service or a women’s service. Men aren’t trying to go to church to hear a whole bunch of foolishness. The first lady’s candor was well warranted, and far be it from me to tell her how to deliver her message.
To answer the question…what Lakeysha said.
That wasn’t an old Juanita Bynum/Thomas Weeks conference you were watching?
Kenti hit the nail on the head, and I think the first lady in question might’ve been a little too open with her business. Her husbands fidelity would be evidence enough that he is satisfied with her and Jesus.
@ Athena Nike you know that’s the same thing I was thinking lol it sounded like Juanita Bynum..lol too funny great topic everyone have a great evening {:-)
Kentis last blog post..Kenti On Mens Style
When it comes to sex with your spouse, I think it is important to be adventurous and keep the marital bed firey. Things within reason should be tried. There should be a sexual freedom and excitement that married people share that should lead to the trying of new things.
As for this being said in church, I think that is important also. In the african-american community especially, we look to church and church leaders for guidance and leadership in how to govern our lives in a Godly way. If its not said in church, then where is it being said? I do think that there should be special services or classes to teach husbands and wives how to keep the marriage happy. In my church, things like this are covered on a regular basis firstly in pre-marital counseling, and secondly in monthly marriage enrichments. We shouldn’t be so prudish, after-all God created sex and marriage, and he created it to be enjoyed!
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Uh, no. That’s how “two women and one man” become an “Open relationship/marriage” and eventually end up in either “we have an understanding” or divorce court. Two IS company but three is shonuf a dang crowd!!! Relationships- real, lasting, lifelong relationships can only be acheived when both parties are committed to one another and devote their mind and body to total committement to just that one person, your spouse. WHen you add another person or other people, things get twisted, complicated, crazy emotional, and out of control. That’s when you see jealous rage or love triangles that turn murderous to the original relationship. People are easily feelings based and when you have different people fufilling different needs, intimately then your feeling for one person can shift to another. That “open marriage” stuff and “fufilling the 2 men and 1 woman or swaping mates, etc. ” is for the birds and people that agree to it are destined for ruin. Just fact, baby!
I think u should make each other happy as u see fit and respectable. If what u want your mate to do for would make u second guess him or her then i don’t think you should do it. As long as there is respect and compromise it all good. Go ahead and make each other happy.
yes a woman needto keep his husband very well and tolet her no every thing she have athe badsaid of her ,..this is my email (chites89@yahoo.com) i really need a woman in my life