Black & Married and Talkin’ ‘Bout It

By Eric Payne

Today marks the beginning of my fourth month as a contributing writer here at BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com and it just dawned on me that I never introduced myself to the great readers here. When I began in February I just jumped right in without as much as a hello. Please forgive my rudeness. I figure now is as good a time as any to let you know a little about me and what shapes my perspective on being Black and Married — with kids.

I’ve been married a little more than a year and a half. I’m father to a 3 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. In my wildest dreams as an ostracized, only child, nerd boy growing up in Chicago, Illinois, I never imagined I’d be so privileged. Nearly nine years ago I met the woman who would become my wife. I was on lunch in midtown Manhattan visiting an author friend at her book signing. At Macy’s of all places. And there she was — beautiful, electric, articulate and feisty. According to her, I caught her eye and she sized me up quickly as a summertime affair, something she’d be done with by September at the latest. She also happened to overhear my writer friend say my last name. To her surprise and mine, we had the same last name. And then she moved in quickly on my conversation. “Hi, my name is…I go to Fordham University…and I have a five year old son.” I looked at her and said, “Thanks for the rundown. I’m Eric.” Surprised and slightly put off by my frankness (to hear her tell it, arrogance) she let me know that she wanted me to know the basics before we started. Started what I wondered?

Fast forward seven years: after a whirlwind romance that included plays on Broadway, great New York City restaurants, some spectacular knock-down, drag out arguments, a year-long stint of unemployment after being laid off at work, an ugly six-month separation, an even uglier reconciliation, a blessed “surprise” that would soon become my daughter, more vacations than I can remember, the beginning of a true friendship, a proposal adventure that was the stuff of sitcoms, the birth of my daughter in fifteen minutes flat, my complete transformation from scared-to-death-father-to-be to SuperDad at the first sight of my baby (followed by an hour of uncontrollable crying), going on a seven month paternity leave (also known as self-imposed unemployment) only two months after buying a brand new car, a bunch of random ups and downs in between called life and successfully flipping of my first property, I got married at an intimate wedding on the South Coast of Barbados, West Indies just before sunset..

Oct. 6th 2007 was the start date for married life with my wife, although our family life had been thriving long before then.

Now, as a man still in the infancy of married life I’m not debating with my wife about where to eat or vacation. I’m trying to figure out how to slow the growth of my thirteen year old son who’s feet are now bigger than mine and occasionally believes he’s grown and has no reason to think otherwise since the retail and entertainment industries market to him the same way it they market to me. He thinks he’s cool like all boys do at his age, but he’s mostly exactly what he’s supposed to be: an awkward boy with dreams growing into young adulthood. Right behind him is my evil-genius daughter who is personable, beautiful, gentle, kind, compassionate, funny, quite strong, demanding, rude, mean, obnoxious, and outrageous.

Managing and loving all of this, and my wife, all at once, is a bit much any given day of the week. Most days I wear it all like an “S” on my chest. But some days it really begins to pile up and makes me wanna holler. In the first year I hollered a lot, but lately, I’ve found humility and prayer to be much more effective.

Eric Payne lives with his wife and kids just outside of New York City and writes about married life and fatherhood at MakesMeWannaHoller.com. He also writes a fatherhood column at MochaManual.com. He is the author of I See Through Eyes, a book of poetry and short stories. His short fiction has appeared in Spindle Magazine and DiddleDog Magazine.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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