Comments on: Tell Your Daughters This Story

By: Lori

Lori — Sun, 24 May 2009 15:53:51 +0000

Excellent piece. Yes, tell our daughters . . . but tell our sons too. The double-standard is where we often continue to fall short. Loris last blog post..

By: Charle

Charle — Sun, 24 May 2009 04:33:02 +0000

Fortunately I have never experienced verbal or physcial abuse from anyone, but I know many that have. My daughter is only seven but she already knows that that type of behavior is not right or to be accepted. Thanks for sharing your story!!!

By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 22 May 2009 21:40:13 +0000

Thanks for sharing. I am in the “been there done that club”. Not a club that I am a proud member of but it does serve it’s purpose. I have two daughters and they were so upset that I had an age that I wanted them to be before they started dating. I did not say because I said so, I let them know that dating young is not a good thing because it takes away from your goals and a lot of these young men think they own you and will become posessive. My daughters went to all the school dances, Proms, Snow Coming, Afro Balls etc., but they did not go with dates. They went with other girls. A young womens body my be mature but the brain and rational skills has not been developed yet. Dating too young only complicates things. Some young women think that when a man hits you that’s love. If he yells at you, that’s love. They find it cute and sweet that he wants to know their every move but in reality he is marking his territory and stalking. My age was 18 but my youngest daugther started at 17. She was in the Cotillion and they have to ball room dance. We all watch Dancing With The Stars and know how much time you have to spend practicing. (Don’t most of them hookup on that show) LOL. My daughter dated this young man for a year. We knew his parents and loved this man and still do. They broke up and it was not a domestic issue. It was civil. She still talks to him and visits his parents. His mom and I along with our husbands want these two together but we know it’s not our place. Being that they were older while dating it makes for a healthy relationship and a healthy mature breakup. Now don’t get me wrong the same rules did not apply to my son. My daugthers were mad. When my kids remind me of my rules of dating. I tell them that it is their brother making me a grandmother not them and that they are getting their degrees in college not him. LOL. I just proved my whole point. My son is not in college and going to have a baby. I guess I should not have been gender selective with just “the 8 simple rules of dating my teenage daughters and included my son. Oh well things happen. This baby on the way has already lit a fire under his butt. He has already “man uped”. I was so busy talking to my son about the company he should not keep and the black on black crime and being a black male in America that I was more concerned with keeping him alive. My skin is white but I know how hard black males have it.

By: soulfulseductress

soulfulseductress — Thu, 21 May 2009 23:24:56 +0000

Thanks for sharing sista.

By: Harriet

Harriet — Thu, 21 May 2009 17:27:47 +0000

Tara, I paid my dues, but I can’t make the Tuesday meeting. Sorry, sis! LOL

Seriously, though, in my book I wrote about one such case that ended tragically. Google Tynesha Stewart. She was a Texas A & M freshman majoring in chemistry and some kind of engineering. Obviously brilliant, obviously well raised (both moms and pops in the house). She was dating some joker, but got away from him when she left for college.

Long story short, spring break of her freshman year, he called her, she went by, and she was never seen alive again. Her parents couldn’t even bury her, because after her ex boyfriend strangled her to death, he proceeded to dismember her body and place it, once piece at a time, on a barbeque grill until nothing but black ashes and soot were left. Police found fragments of her teeth in his garbage disposal.

Teenagers think this kind of crap can’t happen to them, but more often than not, it’s the lives of our young and hopefuls that are snuffed out prematurely by this kind of mess.

I’m grateful to be alive, because I can easily see where it could have gone differently. I’m grateful that you’re alive, Tara, and probably thousands (if not millions) of other young ladies, because each of these circumstances could easily graduate to murder.

By: simply beautiful

simply beautiful — Thu, 21 May 2009 17:09:22 +0000

WoW...what a story. I too, am glad that you had the strength to leave the situation. A lot of young women do not. I can say that I did not walk down that path. My mom wouldn't let me date until I was out of high school. I thought she was being mean at the time, but as I get older, I realize she was protecting me. Thanks for sharing your story. It was very brave of you to walk away then--and very brave of you to share the story now. If we speak out more, then some young lady (or young man) does not have to go down the same road--or worse. God bless. simply beautifuls last blog post..Prayer for Today

By: Tara Pringle Jefferson

Tara Pringle Jefferson — Thu, 21 May 2009 14:34:32 +0000

@ Harriet - Oh you're a member of the "What the hell was I thinking?" club too? I didn't recognize a fellow member! See you at the meeting on Tuesday? But seriously, WHY does this happen? All these dysfunctional teenage (and older) relationships? I think we really need to sit down with our youngsters and let them know what's what. It's not cool for this to be every teen girl's story... Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..When you feel like you’re flying…

By: Tammy C.

Tammy C. — Thu, 21 May 2009 14:33:04 +0000

Thanks for sharing something that our teenagers need to know. I have two teenagers in my home and I plan to share this. We’ve been through this type of abuse before (long story), but this will be a good refresher/reminder for them to know and understand. Thanks for sharing.

By: Harriet

Harriet — Thu, 21 May 2009 14:19:21 +0000

Tara, girl, been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. I thought I was reading my own story for a minute, like “Who told her?”

Thanks for being so transparent. I’m glad it ended with you still alive and doing well.

By: Natural _Oasis

Natural _Oasis — Thu, 21 May 2009 08:48:54 +0000

This topic is so sad but true, as far as the verbal abuse that is tormenting our teenagers! I say teenagers because the ones who are in same sex relationships deal with the same issues. I’ve seen teens in the mall with someone who apperas to be their boyfriend or girlfriend interacting and it is appauling to witness how these young men and women speak to each other with hardly any respect. I feel our youth need better role models, parents and peers who are not afraid to tell them when they are wrong.
This was a great piece Tara, keep’em comin’!