Do You Like To Be Wanted or Needed?

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on May 11th, 2009 | 14 comments

In this month’s Essence magazine, fellas in Philadelphia were asked if they would rather be wanted or needed. Here were some responses:

“I prefer to be needed. It’s important to know my wife relies on me for advice, comfort and support. I cherish the fact that she finds that in me.” Royce, 30, attorney.

“A balance between the two is ideal. I’d like someone who needs my companionship and affection, yet is independent enough to achieve her own social and financial success.” Christopher, 22, student.

“A man can connect with a woman who needs him, but the relationship should be about more than that. She should also do her own thing and be a complement to him the way he is to her.” Everett, 52, deputy mayor for public safety.

Tell me, BMWK fam, which do you prefer? Do you prefer to be wanted or needed?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer from Ohio, where she lives with her husband and two kids. Visit her blog, TheYoungMommyLife.com, for daily musings about the issues young moms face.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (14)

ruffyy Monday - 11 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Neither!!!!! I would rather be appreciated and not a prop for someone's laughter. Appreciation is sooo sexy. When you get down to business I want to look into the woman's eyes and think of of what she does that during the course of the day, week, month,year, that wells up that feeling in me that humbles me. I want to feel that I'd do it all again with you. Unfortunately you can't really come to that realisation until you've developed some real history. Also having kids helps also. especially if you are on the same page about your values, mostly respect and building a respectful relationship between yourself and your kids. After putting all of that together, if it's positive and somewhat true, (afterall we are all human and make mistakes)you can go the distance. like Smilin'Bob except it should be meaning ful appreciative sex. ruffyy ruffyy@gmail.com
Tracey Monday - 11 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I want to be WANTED. I believe we should have a balance of both though. But if I have to choose one over the other I choose to be wanted because this to me means my husband is choosing me out of Love not out of despiration...to need someone or something can sometimes take on a tone of despiration- not LOVE. Traceys last blog post..WHAT LOVE IS MEANT TO DO...
ruffyy Monday - 11 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I think appreciation is comprised of both want and need. The perfect com[promise. Love is compromise!!! ruffyy ruffyy@gmail.com
Robert M Monday - 11 / 05 / 2009 Reply

You have to have both. It is a yin and yang issue.
ruffyy Monday - 11 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Need is comparable to a dog. The dog needs you to take care of it. Want is like an addiction. The dog misses you and that is appreciation. ruffyy ruffyy@gmail.com
rcherie Monday - 11 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I definitely agree with those that state a mixture of the two is ideal.
Mocha Dad Monday - 11 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Everyone wants to feel needed and wanted. I don't think you can have a successful relationship if you both partners don't feel that they are wanted and needed. Mocha Dads last blog post..Talking About Alcohol
ruffyy Tuesday - 12 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Appreciation is a combination of want and need without being extreme on either case. ruffyy ruffyy@gmail.com
Anna Tuesday - 12 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I am a woman with hormones. Some days I want to know I am needed, some days I need to know I am wanted and some days I want both. LOL. My poor hubby, but in his defense I will say we have been together long enough for him to figure it out and he even knows when to leave me the heck alone. LOL. There is nothing wrong with wanting/needing your own space.
Ms. Miko Wednesday - 13 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Both, It's nice to be needed and it feels good to be wanted! Ms. Mikos last blog post..I am not my Hair!! nor my Breast Cancer!
Khristal Thursday - 14 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I agree with Christopher, A balance between the two is ideal. Khristals last blog post..The ladies of UrbanFrugalChic- Yolanda,Cynthia & Khristal
ruffyy Thursday - 14 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Appreciation is the combination of want and need.
soulfulseductress Thursday - 21 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Well I figure once he realizes he needs me he's gonna want me. Both.
homeless Thursday - 04 / 06 / 2009 Reply

Will want and needed should be showen by both party not just one. I even with that said you will never go nowhere if yall both cant understand each other we as people always reply with what we fee but how about how's the other person those they get to express with they feel about tha stuff they other do and say