My Husband Won’t Help With The Kids

Parenting

by Ronnie Tyler | on May 12th, 2009 | 7 comments

If you’ve ever made the statement above you need to check out an excerpt from an article we found on parenting.com. See below.

Hands-off hubby

The problem: He intentionally avoids doing his share of the babycare and acts totally clueless (“I just can’t make that Diaper Genie work!”) in an apparent effort to force you to do everything. Parenting: Mad at Dad? You’re not alone

The fix:
1. Consider that he genuinely may be clueless about baby stuff. New dads often are, says Carolyn Pirak, a social worker who runs the national Bringing Baby Home program at the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, Washington. Plus, dads can have different standards than moms. While you’re itching to change the baby’s spitup-splotched T-shirt, Dad may be thinking, “It’s just milk!”

2. Spell out the baby’s needs — and yours. First individually, then together, list every babycare job you can think of. “Once both partners have a copy of the joint list, it’s pretty hard for him to say he didn’t know you had to do it,” Pirak says. Divvy up the list, making sure you each get some stuff you enjoy (stroller rides, birthday-party planning) along with the scut work.

3. Stay positive. If you compliment him on a job well done, he’s more likely to do it again.

Well, tell us what you think and if you’re going to give it a try.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and their latest documentary Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (7)

Kenti Tuesday - 12 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I like this. Structure and organization in everything is key. thank you for sharing Kentis last blog post..Matthew Williamson For H and M Part 2
ruffyy Tuesday - 12 / 05 / 2009 Reply

It depends what he can project about the kids. if it's a boy it's usually sports. Men usually may bond with boys. Daughters can steal their dad's hearts. In order to get him to go and take more initiative have him go to the playground. He will see how many fine mothers there are at the park. There's nothing like a man looking helpless with a baby for women to break down their defenses and get acquainted. How about taking your child to organised sports. Lots of people there too. Having a child is a social vehicle and can shape how you parent and bring up your children. Soon enough you will have play dates and sometimes free afternoons to make another kid. Children love to watch their dad cook clean and hug mommy. He has to set a loving example. Tell him that he is in a new club filled with all types of opportunities and benefits. Unless he's not helping because while at home with you he's OK because he can get some and when he's out in the street he wants the feeling being single gives him. It could be ego.
Anna Tuesday - 12 / 05 / 2009 Reply

So, finding a new husband was not an option. Some men don't help because (we have not let them) it is easier and quicker for us to take care of the kids. It takes too long to explain what the man needs to do while we go grocery shopping or to run an errand) Women are "Mother Ducks and in fairness I have never seen a Mother and Father Duck trying to get their babies across a traffic filled highway or chilling in a pond following one another, Only Mother Duck. LOL. I know there are great fathers out there. I am just having fun with this post.
Huemanity Wednesday - 13 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I think finding areas in which our husbands thrive is the key. My husband has lower standards than I in some areas and much highers ones in others. So I try not to fixate on the areas I know he doesn't care a lot about. He is the fun one, the wrestler, the pony ride, etc. He is also the disciplinarian, the boo-boo kisser and the milkshake maker. When I need to get things done or a second to catch my breath, they need to get out of the house - period. I think more moms need to let dads take the kids on their own and create their own relationships. I may be lucky, though, because my husband always says "just tell me what you need" and he will usually do it promptly. I don't expect him to read my mind or even sense my frustration. If I need a diaper changed I just tell him to do it. It's a lot easier than fuming because he didn't care that the baby smelled. Like I said, he has low standards - LOL. Huemanitys last blog post..Fabulous Fish Tacos
Lamar Wednesday - 13 / 05 / 2009 Reply

@Huemanity - great comment Lamars last blog post..50 Million Pound Challenge Week 6
Khristal Thursday - 14 / 05 / 2009 Reply

It depends on the man you are dealing with. Some are just plain out lazy, some dont know how to take care of the kids because the wife never had the help, and some would help but the wife never ask him to although she really needs the help. Khristals last blog post..The ladies of UrbanFrugalChic- Yolanda,Cynthia & Khristal
Yardman Thursday - 14 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Some men just plain believe thats women's work. They feel they go out to work and the mommy deals with the children. My mother used to see you should be able to see things that need to be done around the home. I can look and see my wife needs help. For me it is a joy to do for my children. I don't need a list or to be complimented. I always say different strokes for diferent folks. I am not perfect but I do what I think is right.