Study Shows Marriage Improves After Kids Leave Home

Parenting

by Lamar Tyler | on May 15th, 2009 | 9 comments

Even though we’re still early in the game I have my eye about 20 years down the road when we reach this point..lol. Here’s an excerpt from a good article:

“The take-home message for couples with young children is, ‘Hang in there,’” said UC Berkeley psychology Ph.D. candidate Sara Gorchoff, who spearheaded the study published in the November issue of the journal Psychological Science.

While the women reported feeling happier in their marriages once their children left home, they did not note an increase in their general sense of life fulfillment, suggesting that post-empty-nest improvements are specific to marital relationships.

When asked by researchers how their relationships had changed, one 61-year-old study participant explained it this way: “Twenty years ago, we were in the battle of the children. Today, we can enjoy one another for who we are.” Another told researchers, “Once the kids grow up… there’s some of that stress removed… that responsibility removed, so things are a little more relaxed.”

As for how the study’s findings can benefit married couples: “Don’t wait until your kids leave home to schedule quality time with your partner,” said UC Berkeley psychology professor Oliver John, a co-author of the paper.

For the full article you can click here.

BMWK, if you’re kids have already left is this true? To those that still have younger kids are you looking forward to this?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (9)

Khristal Friday - 15 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I totally agree with this, many women's concerns are with the children when they get home especially if there are 2 or more. Then women are tired after dealing with the daily task of helping with homework, bathing the kids, disciplining the kids, getting the kids clothes ready for the next day, etc. This takes a way a lot of together time with the husband because after all of those task she is tired and worn out. Khristals last blog post..The ladies of UrbanFrugalChic- Yolanda,Cynthia & Khristal
Tiya Friday - 15 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Okay, I have to admit, I am looking forward to this. I'm looking forward to focusing more on each other, and the travel and just being free to do whatever! However, I do have a ways to go, My oldest is 11 and my youngest is 5. Tiyas last blog post..Why Marriage Is Sexy
Ms. Miko Saturday - 16 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Wow, if it gets better than this, I may explode with happiness... well my oldest is 18, and I feel like I stress more about him, because he is more free to go and do stuff, and driving whoa, that's a whole nother subject. My youngest is 6, so I'm kinda in between ages, but I'm looking forward to the empty nest... Ms. Mikos last blog post..Fine, Fierce and Fabulous!!!
ruffyy Saturday - 16 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Now with the kids gone they can start to be real again and have sex with someone other than their spouse. No chance of 21 years of child support. ruffyy ruffyy@gmail.com
ruffyy Saturday - 16 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Looks like you are new Moms. When they get older they branch out and strive for independance. if you love your kids you never stop worrying about them. When the kids start having relationships you really worry. Especially if you have a daughter. Back in the day bad sex was cured with a shot and two weeks off. Today it can kill you from having sex once. If your kid happens to get a disease thechild will no doubt want to come home and stay and meanwhile you will wonder where you've failed. Or you could be strong and just let them go and not think about them and go on with your life. Sometimes they come back sometimes they won't. And you wondered why the Good Book said "If you burn, then marry. It's better to celibate." I burned and married and burned again!!!! ruffyy ruffyy@gmail.com
Anna Sunday - 17 / 05 / 2009 Reply

ruffy sometimes you do good and sometimes you bad with your comments. You are smart enough to state "21 years of child support" It really does not end at 21, only court ordered support ends at 18.(unless otherwise stated in a divoce decree) Real parents don't stop helping their kids because a court order says they have to. My kids are 23(g) 21(b) and 19)g). My kids dad still helps to fund their money issues. Usually it's due to car reparis or (like my husband does) tuition. We all will forever be parents and we know that. ON topic: My husband did treat me like a newlywed when the kids left the nest. It did not last long but I am so looking foward to the day when they leave and stay "gone". At the same time I am glad that when they left they left to go to college. Marriage does improve when the kids leave, but having the kids at home makes me less stressful( I know where they are(or suppose to be). I am going to read between the lines of this post and state that "Yes making love is better after the kids leave"!
Funkidivagirl Wednesday - 20 / 05 / 2009 Reply

While I love my kids and right now they are the center of my life, I do look forward to being alone with my husband (and myself!) when they leave home for good. If you parent right, it is tons of hard work physically and mentally and leaves you exhausted a good part of the time. Even going on vacation together as a family now is not a "vacation" for me, but a break from my normal routine and a chance to give my kids a good experience. I have a ways to go...my oldest is 14 and my youngest is 7 (and a new puppy), but in about 11 years I will be looking for the next phase of my life to begin.
African American Mom Thursday - 21 / 05 / 2009 Reply

Woohoo! (turning cartwheels) I cannot wait! I can eat dinner naked! African American Moms last blog post..Sometimes You have to Let Those Hand-me-downs Go
Karen Thursday - 28 / 05 / 2009 Reply

I was lucky my marraige started to improve when my eldest became a teenager (funny enough). I have three kids. my eldest son is 21 now,my other son is 19 and my daughter is 17. At the moment my eldest has moved out and my other 2 are talking of moving out and I dont feel I have a purpose any more. I still have 2 at home but my daughter is always saying she doesnt need me anymore. Im trying to feel happy about the future and all its freedom,but I dont know where I belong. so Im going to try and get back into study. I dont know if I really want to but I dont know what else to do with my life. at the end of the year Im leaving my part time job and going back to study either a womans course or a Bachelor of visual arts and design. I dont know if its what I want to do but I dont know what else to do? I feel lost and I feel no passion. I was excited about my new freedom for a long time, especially when the kids were little, but now Im not sure and this feeling is going on and on for years even. I cant waite to feel a new purpose so I can jump for joy that Im free.