Did Obama Change The Game For Single Black Women?

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on June 19th, 2009 | 20 comments

barack-obama-with-wife-michelle-obama

by Lamar Tyler

I recently read an article where it talked about black women having their faith restored in black men thanks to Barack Obama. According to the article sistas all over the country are running around talking about they want their Barack LOL.

These women felt that they would never find a good black man due to the numbers game or whatever reason but now think it’s possible after seeing the first couple. Here’s an excerpt:

Weeks said probably every single woman she knows is looking for her “Barack.”

“He absolutely makes me think it’s attainable,” said Weeks, a divorced mom in Somerset, N.J. “For women who are older and seeking a man, I think we can look at him and say, ‘All is not lost.’”

The story is the same elsewhere among black women, who say the new code word for Prince Charming has become so commonplace that they have been asked “Have you found your Barack?” or told others “I’m looking for my Barack.”

BMWK, do you think the President has restored hope for women who had none? For the singles, now or prior to #44 did you think that there were not enough good black men for you to choose from? Do you think these same women looking for their Barack are willing to take someone like the original Barack that Michelle took back in the day, not just Barack 2.0 the new spiffy version?

Lamar Tyler is the creator of Blackandmarriedwithkids.com along with his wife Ronnie. They are also producing a documentary about positive images of black marriage and parenting. You can find out more at www.happilyeverafterthemovie.com.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Kemi

I think we see President Obama as the perfect man who loves his wife but I do not think he has ‘restored’ womens hope in finding a good man. There were good men available prior to ever seeing the Obama family. There are good men who wake up early every morning to go to work and provide, protect and support their families. They may not be the President of the United States, but they are police officers, fire fighters, construction workers, delivery men, bus drivers, security officers, doctors, lawyers, welders, plumbers etc. etc. Women have a choice to either be single or not single. There is not a shortage of good black men. I think we ‘short change’ ourselves by limiting the possibilities. For example, if you see a delivery man working, some women may think, oh no min wage worker! If I was interested, I’d approach him and inquire more about his other ambitions. My man is no president but he is an average, blue collar, hard working, loving black man who loves me, adores me and treats me with respect and I wouldn’t trade him for nobody else in the world. Happy Fathers Day!
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara Pringle Jefferson

I think you make a good point – he and Michelle didn’t hook up on the campaign trail!

I remember reading that on their first date, he drove Michelle in his car and there was a hole in the floor on the side. She said as they drove, she could look down and see the street!

But it wasn’t that he was a bum – he just didn’t have a lot of money. And there is a difference. Some men are destined for great things and you can tell. You can feel it. Some men are just here sucking up air.

Yes, he loves Michelle, but their relationship wasn’t always perfect and many people don’t have the maturity nor the patience and strength to weather out those tough storms. Michelle was basically raising those two beautiful little girls by herself while he was off campaigning and in Congress. (Everyone knows I’m the president of the Barack Obama Fan Club, member since 2002, so this isn’t a knock on him.)

I tell everyone my hubby is BETTER than Barack Obama (bold, I know) because he loves me, is a great hubby, intelligent, kind, but he doesn’t have to leave us to go save the world. I don’t have to share him with everybody and their mama.

Sorry to write a post in the comments. LOL.

Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..TweetChat tonight!
LaKeysha

What Tara said…
Amanda

I ageee with Tara and I wanted to add that it then takes a woman like Michelle to stand next to the Obama we see now. Are women ready for the sacrifice to stand beside a man as ambitious as he was and still keep the family together. Marriage is ministry.

It goes beyound the butterfly in the stomach and has much more to do with purpose, in what your union together can bring forth in to this world.
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

Tara- if I would have known you’d write an extra Post I just would have sent you the article LOL

Good comments ladies keep em coming

Lamars last blog post..Did Obama Change The Game For Single Black Women?
http://www.ICompleteMeBlog.com Felicia – I Complete Me

I completely agree with Tara and Amanda. It’s easy to what the man that you see before you. But wasn’t Michelle the bread winner at one point (I don’t know, thought I read that somewhere) and are woman ready and willing to put up with that. There are plenty of good men out there but some woman can’t see past their own materialistic ego to build with these good men. I feel that I have a great man and currently at this point I am the bread winner while he grows his business. Does that make him any less than a man or me a stupid female. Some would say I would never be in that situation, but when he’s on top he will be the man every woman want.

I also agree that marriage is a ministry. After all the hype of a wedding what is next. What was or is the purpose of your union. What are you trying to bring forth. Not just children, but what else. I think if woman were to really take a good look at their priorities maybe they wouldn’t be looking for a barack, but a man of that suits them. Okay, I think I can go on and on about this. I might just do that and link back to this post.

Felicia – I Complete Mes last blog post..Time For a Break For Your Sanity
http://misseloquence.wordpress.com Allygyrl702

As a single woman I feel that Barack Obama represents the hope for us to not settle for less than. True, there is only one Barack Obama but he puts a face to the faceless man that we (us singles) hope to have in a future husband; someone in all his imperfections that ultimately believes in himself and what he stands for and loves his wife and family unflinchingly.

Allygyrl702s last blog post..Frenemy
Pingback: Ladies, Where are Your Priorities? | I Complete Me
ruffyy

I really think Obama’s doing as good a job as he can. When itall comes down to it he’s playing the game as it always has been played. There is no difference amongst the Presidents. However I am feeling a lot of Metrosexual vibe from Obama. His new Black Romanticism is the Camelot of Color going on. I feel Obama really doesn’t sleep with Michelle. I believe he needed her to complement him and I’m feeling this could be contrived. Afterall he’s got his mother in law there to tend to their girl’s. They just followed the Kennedy game book. I’m saying, could he be gay? Could be. But I haven’t met the man to make a solid determination but I’m getting that type of vibe. But as you know I could be very wrong.
http://itssonicetobenice.wordpress.com Danielle

You know, I just had a guy friend tell me he’s looking for his Michelle, so I thought it funny when I read the post.

For some women, President Obama probably has restored hope. But for women who see good black men all around them, President Obama is only a reflection of their reality.

In my opinion, there are many ‘Barack’s’ out there, but whether we see him or not is up to our perception and the path that we’re currently on.

Instead of asking, “did you think that there were not enough good black men for you to choose from?” I think women should ask themselves if they’ll be ready when he shows? Do we have the patience required?
Can we see the diamond in the making?

Personally, this is what I’ve been focusing on, reminding myself that biblically, women were created to be a helper for the men in their lives. We have a lot of power and influence in the lives of our men.

Unfortunately, that’s sometimes forgotten. Instead, we want him to already have it all, forgetting that we’re often the keys to the process.

Danielles last blog post..Kindness Inspires
Marcus aka Mr. Keeps it real

Good day,…LOL

My name is Marcus. I’m not the president of the United States. I was never in the movie Ray, and I don’t have an album called Intuition. I’m not in the NFL, and I didn’t just win the The NBA Finals. I don’t make hundreds of millions a year like P.Diddy, and I don’t have my own reality show like Flava Flav.
I came here to tell you this…Romance was never dead, and the fact the we have a black couple in office is not going to change the notion that there are not good black men out there. If black women feel like that, then they are going to feel like that regardless. The thing is–and let’s be real sistas–your definition of a good black man is a dude with good money, a nice car, and a nice place. But all good men don’t have these things. Sistas…here you go again…why are you looking for the complete package, and if he doesn’t have it, well he’s not Mr. Right…Come on now! You see black men feel sort of the same way. Not that we need a Michelle Obama, but there aren’t enough solid sistas out there. The thing is when it comes to men, we don’t envision a Michelle Obama, we do want the ideal black woman as well though. However, Black men aren’t as picky as women are though. I think I stand firm by saying we’re more likely to give our sistas a chance. But it’s hard when sistas are screening you like a background test, and usually if your paper aint right, you don’t make the cut. He’s not the “good black man” because you (Sistas) are mostly worried about somebody with money more than you are about how he holds you or how he kisses you, or the fact that he’s a gentleman…or he actually has some intelligence, and graduated high school and acutally reads books and could read and write–LOL–and is ambitious, and so on and so forth.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s inspiring that we have a black couple in office but quite frankly, get off that Obama high. Their relationship is not yours and if you want a good man, you still have to be careful yet acceptive in your choosing. Barack and Michelle will not make it any easier for you, unfortunately. Your good man may not have gone to Harvard, or Yale, or what have you, but you must see past these grandstand qualities and still see the good attributes that he has…
What I’m trying to say ladies is don’t let this new black couple defer you from seeing potential in someone who may not be as powerful or as smart as this black president. And I’m sorry I must say this…There were plenty of good black men before Barack became president, and they’ll be plenty afterwards. Frankly I was a little offended. I consider myself a good brother and I was overlooked along with a lot of other good brothers, simply because I wasn’t president LOL…But ladies, if you have your nose in the air, well, quite frankly it’s hard to see what’s ahead of you.
Me, I personally wish females would stop being picky and give some of these brothers out here a chance, instead of an excuse.
Anna

Marcus aka Mr. Keeps it real said:
I personally wish females would stop being picky and give some of these brothers out here a chance, instead of an excuse.
~~~~~~~~
I enjoyed your whole comment your last statement needed to be addressed again. Women are taught as young girls so many things that they forget men are not perfect or they look at realtionships around them and think all men are losers. Women look at a man and thinks he has potential and wonder why after 10 yrs. of marriage he still doesn’t have a J O B, if he didn’t have one when you met him what are the odds he will get one later. I am the type of mother that told my daughters to marry the nerd, he will almost always have a J O B or doesn’t have a problem going back to school. In fairness there are some good black men out there. My hubby does not make a million dollars but it’s ok, neither do I. LOL.
Anna

I forgot to add, if Obama changed the game for single black females to want “better” than good for those who now see they are worthy. I will also add that as a married woman (I know this is not what the post is about, but because of the media and you can see the love he and his wife have for one another) married couples have been more loving and complimentary towards each other. I know couples like this do live but it’s nice that I get to see it with ppl of my generation. Not puppy love or my in-laws who have been married for half a century. I get to identify with a loving couple in my age group.
T. Rogers

I don’t know if it is Barak per se. I just think it is the fact he is black, he’s the president, his wife is black, and the obviously love each other. It also helps they are good looking. We see black celebrity marriages all the time. President and Mrs. Obama are different because of his position. Personally, I think it is great to see them doing their thing.

Also, can we leave the “black women need to this and black men need to that” rhetoric alone. Yes, if you look hard enough you can find a black woman that personifies all that you think is wrong with black relationships. Ditto for black men. I never worried about the way sisters treated average brothers. For every three women out there who are “picky” there is one who is sensible and knows what she wants. She can recognize unrealized greatness. What are you going to focus on? I focused on the sensible sisters. I ended up married to one.

One of the reasons we have so much dissention in black relationships is we always want to set the other gender straight. Often times we miss a great relational opportunities in the process.
http://islandlorrie@gmail.com Lorrie

I think that Marcus is correct. To many times us black sisters aren’t willing to see the potential in men. I too, like Michelle Obama, dated a man who’s car we’d have to jump before we left the driveway. I saw past that. Initially in our marriage, I was the bread winner…but I never let that go to my head…nor did I disrespect my husband in front of others. My friends though I was pretty silly to hook up with a nerd…but we ALL know that nerds aren’t good in the clubs…but they make wonderful husbands. They laughed at me in college…but we’ve got the last laugh now. It takes work investing yourself in a relationship and then marriage. Folks today don’t want to take the time…I’m blessed to be a SAHM now…but I think there are 3 like me, black, educated and at home with their kids…on purpose. That’s what I admire in Michelle…she’s allowing her husband to fulfill his dream…and I’m sure in time…she’ll be fulfilling more of hers.
http://islandlorrie.blogspot.com Lorrie

I forgot my website in the last post.
Carl

Great comments. You ladies give ambitious nonflashy brothas like me hope that there might be future Michelles in our future as well (lol).
http://www.scritchandscratch.com/blog VEe!

“Do you think these same women looking for their Barack are willing to take someone like the original Barack that Michelle took back in the day, not just Barack 2.0 the new spiffy version?”

I really wonder HOW many women would actually be comfortable or willing to embrace a guy who decides to turn down a six-figure salary to do community organizing work. I don’t know, I can’t call it, I’m not going to make a general blanket statement about black women. I believe that there a good number of women that would support a man’s decision to work with his community as opposed to making a generous annual salary.

oh yeah, what Tara said.
Tina

Yes, a lot of me and my black female friends are pretty, attractive, educated, fun and yet here in England black men make a point of snubbing us, its sad to say but yes it was great to see Obama has a black wife, as the media and the world and black men portray white women, any and all, as the ultimate prize, there is good and bad in us all regardless of race but these days black men are the racists and facilitate white women’s racist agendas of thinking they are winning over us so good for the O’s theyre an inspiration!

Savant

Sister Tina, I like your response. I am looking for a Smart, beautiful and intelligent sister like yourself. The black sisiters in the U.S. wants Camelot without goig through the real changes to get it. It wasn’t handed to Michelle and it definitely won’t be handed to them. Barack and Michelle paid their dues to be what they are today. Will we do the same?