Facing Your Fears – Part2
I wrote a post a while back about Facing your Fears. And I am sad to say that I am still afraid of dogs and snakes. I am the only person in the community that runs with a stick. You will not catch me running along the bike path without a small purple baton in my hand. I stole the baton from my daughter. And all of our kids know not to mess with my dog stick because if I can’t find my stick, then I am liable to cancel my run for that day…yes.. cancel my run. Last week, I saw two older ladies and they both had two large wooden bats in their hands. As we passed each other on the path we made eye contact, smiled, and raised our sticks as if we were all a part of a secret society.
I have recently been having a medical procedure that scares me to death. When I was pregnant with my fourth child, my blood tests showed that my thyroid hormone levels were off. This is not uncommon with pregnant women and after I had my baby my levels were normal again. However the endocrinologist that I was seeing found some nodules on my thyroid that needed to be investigated to make sure that they were not cancerous. She explained that she would do a Fine Needle aspiration biopsy (FNA) which involved putting a fine needle through my skin and removing a small sample of tissue from my thyroid gland. DID SHE JUST SAY SHE WAS GOING TO PUT A NEEDLE IN MY NECK!! OH LAWD!! I asked: Are you going to knock me out (put me to sleep) before you perform this procedure? She said no, I will give you a topical ointment that will numb your skin. She assured me that it would not hurt. However I rarely believe doctors when they say that something will not hurt..especially if they have not actually gone through the procedure. Should I have someone drive me here ..should I take a vacation day off from work?? She said no…this is a minor surgical procedure..you can go to work afterwards.
Needless to say, Miss gotta have a stick while she runs was petrified…no horrified..no mortified. I don’t know what scared me more: the fact that I was having a biopsy to determine if I had malignant cells in my body Or the fact that this doctor said she was going to pierce my neck with needles. I prayed about it and for some reason, I had faith that those cells were going to be benign. But I did not have faith that those needles were not going to hurt. Even though I prayed that the procedure would be painless, I could not shake the fear of those needles. I could barely eat or sleep the entire week leading up to the procedure and the night before the procedure was a living hell. My husband decided to take a few hours off from work in order to drive me to the doctor because he could sense my anxiety.
The morning of the procedure I literally SLATHERED half a tube of that numbing ointment on my neck. I had no idea how big my thyroid was and I was not going to take a chance that the doctor would stick me in an area that was not numb. When I walked into the room, the doctor literally had about 10 needles lined up neatly on a tray. I almost fainted. And of course the doctor was not ready yet. So here I am alone, sitting on the table and staring at those needles. She finally came in to start the procedure. She used a sonogram to guide the needle to the nodule. She did not just put the needle in and pull it out. Noooo!! She put the needle in and wiggled it around to get a good sample. She did this about 8 times..each time with a different needle. To me it hurt…but the pain was not as bad as I imagined. She gave me a band aid and told me to schedule another appointment. She only biopsied 1 nodule and I had 3 more to go.
Even though the results from the first biopsy were just as I expected…benign, I knew I had to go back to have the other nodules biopsied. But I kept rescheduling the appointments and 6 months had passed before I went back. I let my fear of that procedure prevent me from going back. But then I started to feel guilty. What if those other nodules were malignant? I would be very disappointed in myself if I let my fear beat me out of a chance to catch something early. I owed it to myself, and to my husband and kids to make sure that I was healthy. I want to be around a long time. I want to see my kids grow up. They are great children and I can’t wait to see them grow into the wonderful adults that I know they will be. And I love my husband to death and can’t imagine not being with him. (And as a side note…I don’t want some other woman coming up in here talking about she is TheMOM#2 on BMWK…I DON’T THINK So!!)
BMWK Family -How do you face your fears? Are you letting any fears prevent you from seeking medical care?
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