How to Pick a Good Mate

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on June 25th, 2009 | 8 comments

blackweddingcakecouple

After being bombarded with Facebook statuses that gave a shout out to all the single moms on a day that’s reserved for dads, I got fed up. Every single one of my friends who mentioned Father’s Day gave a huge middle finger to the dads who weren’t man enough to stick around.

Where ARE the dads? Seriously.

I know too many single moms. I only know two dads (one still has a baby on the way). Why is that?

For the women: I know sometimes things happen that are out of your control and some women get dropped without any inkling something was wrong. Other women simply sleep with the wrong men. They knew he wasn’t the right one, wouldn’t do right, couldn’t do right, but they slept with him anyway and nine months later, he’s a distant memory.

For the men: Guys need to learn how to pick a good woman, who doesn’t play petty mind games or disrespect the notion of fatherhood. They need to resolve whatever baggage they might be carrying and learn when it’s time to step up and grab the title of “Daddy” without it being foisted upon them.

How can we instill the proper values in our children so this cycle doesn’t continue? What can we tell our kids so they understand how to pick a man or woman who is worthy of their time and affection?

BMWK family, help us out. What words of wisdom would you give a youngster today on how to pick a good mate?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.djednice.com DJ Ed-Nice

I wish I knew… I’ll be checking back and forth on this article to find out – cause I am clueless to the answer….

DJ Ed-Nices last blog post..Where To Party Tonite – Thursday 6/25
http://misseloquence.wordpress.com Allygyrl702

As a single mom I am kinda offended you were “fed up” with the shout outs to single mothers on father’s day. They definitely are deserving of it as are single fathers (who are singularly raising their children) on mother’s day. It is an acknowledgement of the person who is fulfilling the traditional role of a father as provider and protector in the home. However I don’t count it as any disrespect to father’s who ARE stepping up to be the man they need to be. Just because you only know 2 father’s does not the men not married to the mother(s) of their child(ren) are not father’s!
I do agree we as a people have to start making better choices in mates and also better choices for our lives in learning to discern consequences for certain actions.

Allygyrl702s last blog post..Frenemy
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

@Allygyrl702 – I wasn’t saying that single moms don’t deserve recognition or support. I think being a single mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

But my point is that it shouldn’t be necessary to shout out single moms on a day reserved for fathers because the fathers need to be there. More moms should have the support of the father of their children and not feel like they are going it alone. Does that make sense?

When I said I only knew two dads – let me put it another way. My husband works with teen moms. They have a special program for them, helpng them through school and into college. I asked him, “Where are the teen dads?” Who is getting these girls pregnant? It takes two to make a baby so where is the other half of this kid’s DNA?

My post was not meant to offend, merely to make an observation that we can’t even really have a Father’s Day because too many dads are missing in action, leaving single moms to do it alone. How can we help people make better decisions? How can more like-minded people get together and take care of their kids, whether married or not?

Taras last blog post..Ask the Young Mommy readers: Potty training
http://www.cisterspeak.com CS

This website is a great example of how we can reach out to children. Once a week I call my 17 year old younger cousin to talk about any article he read on this blog. My point is to “lead by example.” I ask him what qualities he looks for and what his standards are to make sure they stay in tact.

Even though I don’t have kids, I do have nieces and nephews. My better half and I are planning for parenthood so these topics are very important to me. My family tries to make it a point to take the kids to different sites and places to see new things and experience different and sometimes exotic foods. Our belief is that if some man/or woman tries to lure them away by wining and dinning them, they’ve already “been there done that.” Therefore the prospective mate will have to really step up and get to know them.

The kids love McDonald’s and local Dinner’s but have also been to the ChartHouse, Houston’s, Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse etc for special treats, or just for a random ‘dress up family dinner.’

CSs last blog post..An Iconic Loss
http://awomans-worth.blogspot.com Arlice Nichole

I actually thought about this the other day. My first piece of advice would be to make sure you pick a man that will make a great father.

Great dads are a turn on…course I’d wouldn’t tell that part to my young daughters.

Arlice Nicholes last blog post..Today’s Top Tip: Playing House For Real!
Harriet

co-SIGN @ arlice nichole
http://www.accreistrepublishing.com Samuel Brown

In order to rank your compatibility with others,you must first learn
to recognize who you are, and how to assess your real needs and goals.
You cannot effectively assess the strengths and weakness in others if
you are unable to define your own. Trust, honesty, and the ability to
communicate must become your priority and measurement in order for
you to effectively assess whether a person is compatible.
liz

its really hard to say because my mom and dad have been together for over 30 years an dmy dad has always been there for me..fathers should have there day ..the break down of the black home is something that plagues the black community ..people think just becaus its 2009 that old values have no place but i would have to disagree my parents talked to me about waiting to have sex and meeting the right due took me to church etc…hence i am 28 still waiting to meet the right dude to give mys elf to college educated got my own etc… u have to start these kids young with good values and even if they stray away from them they usually come back..and fyi ..i didnt grow up in a super religious family just one with good values who lived the example..my parents where my role models…single moms its cool to have a boyfriend but quit laying up with different men in front of ya children all those things affect them..and men quit using ya crazy baby mama as an excuse for why u dont see your kids you have rights!!! take your butt down to the court house and get joint custody she cant stop u from seeing your kids

How to Pick a Good Mate

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