Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Divorce :-(

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on June 26th, 2009 | 14 comments

jonkate

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

As a faithful viewer (or at least I used to be) of Jon Kate Plus 8, the recent nnouncement that the couple will divorce has saddened me.
Anyone who has ever watched just one episode could easily see they never had the best marriage on the planet. Somehow I think we were all hoping the fog would lift one day, they would look up and say, “Hey, we’re in this together – let’s make it work.”

But instead, here they are – headed for divorce court.

In watching the show, I’ve noticed some glaring mistakes the young couple made. Care to turn this into a teachable moment? Okay, let’s take a trip down “Please learn from our marriage mistakes” lane.

1) Watch your tone Kate is infamous for the way she would talk to Jon, usually treating him like her ninth child instead of a grown man. Check out the clip starting at 8:10 and at 9:35.

Not so nice, right? I know she’s stressed, but taking out your stress on other people rarely, if ever, ends well.

2) Keep your family close. Ever notice that you rarely if ever saw any relatives on the show? Understandably, not everyone is comfortable with the idea of cameras videotaping you when you just want to come by and visit your nieces and nephews or cousins or grandkids. But both Jon and Kate have said that the kids don’t really have relationships with the grandparents. Her brother Kevin and his wife Jodi (once a regular on the show) have now turned on them, airing out the dirty laundry for everyone to get a whiff. Ouch. What if instead of having to fight this battle alone, Jon and Kate had the support of their family? Because now, it’s just…this:

3) Understand each other. Make sure you both understand the role you play in the relationship. Jon and Kate could have made a good team. Kate could have kept the housing running and organized, and Jon could have brought a much needed laid-back attitude. Instead, Kate wanted Jon to take control while not wanting to relinquish said control. Jon wanted Kate to lighten up, despite the fact that if she did, their lives would be in shambles. Lesson here? Play to your strengths. If you’re the laidback one, accept that, and use what you bring to the table to help the marriage work.

4) Communicate that something is wrong as soon as possible. Again, I don’t live with the Gosselins, nor do I know what goes on when the cameras aren’t there. I haven’t seen any unedited footage. But what I do see if a couple who never really hashed things out. Never got to the root of a problem, instead choosing to deal with it later. Kate once mused in an episode that, “We don’t have time to work on our tone. We’re too busy trying to survive.” Well, we see how that turned out, right?

5) Your marriage comes first, even before the kidsI hate when people say their kids come first. That’s extremely unnecessary. Of course you will always take care of your kids and if push comes to shove you’re choosing them over everyone else. We understand that. But by continually saying, “It’s for the kids. We just care about the kids. The kids are our life…” you inevitably make it OK to ignore the problems in your marriage. It’s secondary. It’s not as important. When in reality, your marriage is a huge part of your life.

What do you think we could all learn from this? Curious to hear your thoughts…

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://cappuccinoconfessions.blogspot.com Cafe Mocha Momma

Tara, this is possibly the best summation that I’ve read on the Gosselin Saga online! It grieves me to see so many people tearing this couple apart in their time of great vulnerability. But with much wisdom and grace, you’ve taken their bad situation and pointed out genuine, life-changing lessons for the rest of us to apply to our own homes. I say a hearty “Amen” to all that you’ve penned here.

May I also add that another lesson that I’m taking to heart is the dangers of greed and a love for money. I can’t imagine any other reason why this family would continue to parade their precious brood and the subsequent crumbling of their lives for all of the world to see, criticize, and evaluate. Truly, if they had their priorities straight and their hearts at home instead of at the bank, then perhaps they could salvage their marriage and rebuild their lives.

Nevertheless, the divorce is not yet final so there is hope. I’m praying that they will heed the voice of wisdom and the Spirit of God and turn their hearts toward home.

Cafe Mocha Mommas last blog post..Today My Honey Bought Me This:
http://stickysweetdiabetics.wordpress.com Andrea B.

I loved this post! I just wanted to point out that in the first video clip you will notice how Kate is leaning over the arm of the chair as if she doesn’t want Jon to touch her. That right there is a sign that she was unhappy. Body language tends to tell of on us first before anything else. I think that raising a child is hard and when you add more children to that it makes it more trying. What you have to think about is why you got married in the first place and then figure out if you all still want the same thing.

At the end of the day it’s all about family and you can’t just give up because the going gets tough. In Tyler Perry’s The Marriage Counselor the mom told her daughter that marriage goes through cycles. I agree and think that you have to be willing to complete the cycle otherwise you’ll forever be stuck somewhere between rinse and spin.

Andrea B.s last blog post..Another legend gone
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

@Cafe Mocha Momma – I still hope they can work it out. Like I said, they could have made a great team if they just knew how to play their positions.

As I said on my blog, I don’t know their financial status and if they are scared the money will dry up as soon as they quit the show. I know that would be a big concern of mine. I would have to think that quitting the show (from a financial standpoint) isn’t so easy, or otherwise they would have done so already. I like to assume the best of people.

Taras last blog post..Ask the Young Mommy readers: Potty training
http://www.africanamericanmom.blogspot.com African American Mom

I am also an avid viewer of their show. It probably will dwinsle to not watching at all becasue the other night was a little too sad. I felt guilty for being in their business even though they put it out there. I may not be able to watch anymore because I liked it for it’s family dynamic and how real they kept it. I guess it got a little too real for me.

This was really a great read. You really broke this down and pulled everything together that other bloggers have been talking about but haven’t quite covered. Great job!

African American Moms last blog post..I am still a blogger
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

@Andrea – Like I said, I had watched the show from the beginning and I noticed the body language thing too. If you notice, they always had the same couch. In the beginning, their legs were often touching or Jon had his arm around the back of the couch by Kate. Now they are in their own corner, which looks ridiculous because the couch is tiny!

Marriage is ROUGH sometimes. Very rough. Like you said, there are cycles. You’ve got to hang in there. Go to counseling at least. I had a lot of other clips to show, but TLC won’t let you embed videos of the show. Boo to them!

Taras last blog post..Ask the Young Mommy readers: Potty training
busybodyk

The divorce announcement saddened me too. I think their marriage could recover if they both wanted it to and took some time (off camera) to focus on it. I totally agree with #5. I think we can learn that once you let a lot of outside influences change you and your marriage that you may never recover.

One thing that will always stick with me is that Jon didn’t want any kids after the twins. I think Kate insisting that they have one more (they ended up with 6 more) was the begining of the end. I think Jon held a lot of resentment toward Kate for making that decision and continuing to make the decisions for their family without taking his feelings into consideration.
Anna

I discoverd this show in December. I use to like Kate, I thought she was just crass at times. She did emasculate Jon, but he let her. I hope that now when I watch the show she is not toning it down for the pay check. I really want this to work out. Divorce does not have to be an option in all situations. If they have to let the cameras pack up and go to save their marriage I say go for it. In order to save a marriage there are some things you have to let go. Too many ppl in your business is not a good thing. The rumor is that Jodi and Kevin got axed from the show because they were to get paid and Kate did not want that. You do have to have family around while raising kids. Kids should not just be stuck with each other because they are siblings. Siblings socialze differently. Ppl have play dates for their children. These kids are with mom and dad and each other along with a crew of camera ppl following their every move. Not healthy. They have made enough money and Kate has written books. They should have enough to continue to take care of all the kids needs/wants and incedentials(incedentials, remember the monoploy lesson Dr. Huxtable taught Theo) sorry had to thow that in there. The moral is, is your fifteen minutes of fame worth your marriage? Reality shows have always been more of a curse on marriages than a blessing. The black ones are still working. Runs House and Snoops Fatherhood. Father Knows best(Hulk Hogan and Linda) Carmen Electra and Dave Navare, Nick and Jessica, marriage suicide for fame. What is fame? I want everyone to know my name and like me? You may as well sell your soul to the devil.
http://www.fancast.com meg4fancast

Well said! I really can’t ever remember a time when Jon & Kate were cute together. Maybe his 30th bday episode? Fans of the show can follow all the drama on Fancast- http://www.fancast.com/blogs/category/jon-kate-plus-8/

meg4fancasts last blog post..Philanthropist
Harriet

Tara, this article is AWESOME! I’m with you…I hate that we are learning these kinds of lessons from the potential demise of another marriage, but they are valuable lessons nonetheless.

I’m especially going to take to heart keeping your family close. We live four and five states away from our families, and we really haven’t given them the opportunities they deserve to get to know US as a family. Most of that has been because of money issues. His family all have FB accounts, but my family is still in the 80s as far as their viewpoint towards getting one. LOL

Once again, thanks!
http://Funkidivagirl.com Funkidivagirl

I absolutely hate that they are divorcing! I can only imagine the stress of raising so many kids and I’m sure that it contributed to their problems (even without the cameras). But, the real problem to me is that they didn’t have a conviction about their marriage….the minute that you let divorce even become an option, that can become the beginning of the end.
tina

Its sad to see a family go through a divorce but i saw this one coming, kate has a real control problem she treated jon like crap i can see why he cheated, i can see why he wants out, people can only live so long in a relationship like that…she needs to sit back and take a good look at herself and hopefully if she gets in a new relationship it will be alot different, she says she is doing this for the kids but i think this is a big mistake, look at her daughter mady she is so disrespectful and is terrible she is just like her mom very sad. I felt so sorry for jon but you know he allowed it and now i see him looking back at it and being embarrassed he allowed himself to be treated like that. Hopefully these children get through this without to many problem. Tina
http://www.how2notmessupurkids.wordpress.com Danielle Ojeabulu

Thanks for the post. I was a fan of the series, “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” but have made a decision to stop watching the show. I believe that when you and your family are in the lime light that you have a responsibility to families around the nation. I never liked the way Kate treated Jon, but I don’t live in the Gosselin household. I don’t have a heaven or a hell to put them in. I want to see the light of positive marriages and balanced families and will not glorify dysfunction and divorce. I pray to God that they seek counseling for themselves and for their children, as they will be affected. I will do my best to make sure that I am being a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children. God bless!

Danielle Ojeabulus last blog post..Preserving the Crib Mattress
http://michell brianna

kate
http://michell brianna

katekatekatekatejkgfjk4nre72782522!_*%&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Divorce :-(

About the author

Facebook Fan Page

You Saved Me – DVD

Happily Ever After – DVD

Men Ain’t Boys – DVD

BMWK Classic Posts

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

BMWK Partners