Comments on: Can You Be a Great Parent But Not a Great Spouse?

By: Tanairy

Tanairy — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 23:15:53 +0000

I am actually living in a similar situation right now. My father has been emotionally abusing my mother for many years now behind closed doors. He treats her really badly yet with my sister and I, he tries to be the best dad ever. My father thinks that my sister and I don’t know anything abbout what happens behind scenes. I’m actually really confused becuase I want to hate him but at the same time he has never done anything bad to me. I think he would make a better father if he was a better spouse because it scares me to know that he pretty much has double personalities, which makes me afraid of him.

By: Donielle Michele

Donielle Michele — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:17:39 +0000

This question is hard to answer because being a “good” father and “good” husband is very subjective. There is no set standard for the two. As far as Eminem goes, we don’t know what went on in his life for him to get to that point. We all know his “baby’s mother”, Kim, was no whistling Dixie her self. I wouldn’t doubt for two seconds that he doesn’t love his daughter or that he is a “good” father. If being a “good” husband determined who a “good” father is the the same could be said about a “good” person in general. Think of someone that you don’t like or feel is a “good” person. Now do you think that it is fair to say they are a bad parent because of this? I’m almost 100% sure there is someone in everybodies life that doesn’t like them or think they are that great of a person. Would you want them to then assume you are not a great parent that would give the moon and stars to your child? Like I said this question is very complicated and I don’t feel that being a “good” husband is ANY indication of one being a “good” father. The story (so bravely told) by Anonymous is an example of how difficult this question is and I commend them for sharing.

By: Lori

Lori — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:33:21 +0000

Lots of interesting comments. In Eminem's case, I think his inability to treat any of the women in his life (mom, ex-wife, etc) with any amount of respect says a lot about his true regard for women and reflects upon his own character (or lack thereof, as the case maybe). Can a person like that truly be a good parent? From a distance, maybe . . . Loris last blog post..

By: BisforBri

BisforBri — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 20:21:58 +0000

I’m unmarried to my co-parent. He is a great father and a wonderful co-parent, we simply fail at maintaining a romantic relationship and as such will remain close friends and co-parents.

I think the mother/father relationship is important for children to observe. However, I don’t believe that the relationship between two parents needs to be romantic to demonstrate a healthy dual parent family for the kids.

I think what is important is that children see their parents respect each other and care for one another like family. They should see you communicate and make decisions for the good of the whole.

By: Danielle

Danielle — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:35:42 +0000

In regards to the original post and how the two relate to one another, I think good parenting and a good marriage are just demonstrations of love for yourself, your children, and your spouse. Like others have said, a solid marriage provides a good foundation for children and proper modeling. On the same token, good parenting doesn't only benefit the child, but provides consistency, structure, and a source of pride for the entire family structure. Danielles last blog post..Used vs. Loved

By: Danielle

Danielle — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:31:26 +0000

Good discussion. I just want to add my two cents. I’ve enjoyed reading all the comments, but modeling acceptable or correct marriage behavior doesn’t necessarily mean that the spouse is actually being treated well. Many people become full-time actors and actresses in their marriages and everyday live.

In regards to the original post

By: LaKeyshaF

LaKeyshaF — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:55:30 +0000

No you cannot. Parenting, as someone mentioned, is MODELING good behavior and values. Here are just two of the things that parents teach their children when dealing with their spouse:

1. How to interact with their peers(i.e. being considerate, yelling/cursing as a way to solve problems, working together, accountability etc.)

2. How to treat your spouse/ girlfriend. this is MAJOR. even besides tv kids will learn about relationships by watching their parents. A father shows his children what to look for and expect in a spouse and what is ACCEPTABLE by what he does to their mother. And the same with mothers.

Kids do not react to do as i say and not as I do. You cannot be a good parent if you are not a good spouse.

By: Anna

Anna — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:43:40 +0000

Can You Be a Great Parent But Not a Great Spouse?
~~~~~~~~~
Yes you can. There are many parents that worry so much about the wants and needs of the kids that they forget about the wants and needs of their spouse.

By: Kimberly/Mom in the City

Kimberly/Mom in the City — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:09:06 +0000

I think that the ideal (for me anyway) is for each person to be a great spouse AND parent. (I really feel blessed that my husband is wonderful in both areas.) However, I know several couples in really bad marriage situations/on the verge of divorce who still each make their kids a priority/are wonderful parents to their kids. Kimberly/Mom in the Citys last blog post..$100 JCPenney Baby Registry Gift Card

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:29:42 +0000

Dede - I can’t believe how cathartic just that little post was. The topic definitely deserves to be explored.