Question: How Did Your Father Shape You?
by Lamar Tyler
A few weeks back we took part in the Creating Conversations webinar with the BlackMomsClub.com. During the panel on fatherhood one of the questions was about how having or not having a father in your life shaped you as a parent.
I believe it’s totally in the makeup of the person. One of the dads on the call talked about coming from a two parent household and modeling himself after his father to become a great dad for his children. The other dad on the call talked about the absence of his father and how that motivated him to be different and to actively participate in the lives of his own children.
The question is for the men and the women: How did the presence of absence of your father play a role in your thoughts on parenting?
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I come from a two-parent household where my father was always in my life growing up and now. Not only did he shape me but my grandfather also. They were hard workers who always started their day early and put their families first. So putting my wife and 3 children first and working hard is just something I take after them…
Well, my father died seven years ago, when I was 13, but he while he was here be taught me not to settle for less when it came to my relationships. My daddy treated my sisters and I like princesses when he was here and we never had to settle for less and he inadvertently (or not) taught me not settle. My father also valued education and he and my mother always pushed us to do our best in school. I think that’s probably why I have been reading since I was a toddler! lol. My parents are the reason I’m in college now.
I was raised without my father in my household. While, he was always just a phone call away, he only always just did the minimum and is continuing that trend as a grandfather. Since I’ve been married, I am really being shaped by my father-in-law in the parenting department. I have never seen such a committed father, even though all his children are grown, he doesn’t miss a beat, even with the grandchildren, he’s at all the dance recitals, baseball games and bday parties. I can tell that my dad sometimes regrets that he doesn’t make those things, his actions have shaped me as a parent, because I don’t ever want to feel that guilt as a parent. I don’t ever want to feel like I wasn’t there enough, or that I missed anything with my children.
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I grew up in my grandparents house and was in their lives from the day I was born. When my mother died when I was seven, it was my grandparents who continued to raise me. My grandfather and I were very, very close. I called him daddy. He was my father, hero and best friend. He was an awesome dad too. That’s why it pains me to hear about a sister that did not grow up with a father in her life. I know what she missed.
I knew I would have children someday, and it was not financial or career success that was number one on my list. Nope! It had nothing to do with me. What largely determined who won my heart is what kind of father he would be to my babies. Every chance I got to assess if he would be playful, involved, goofy, caring, understanding and never too busy, I did. Anything less just wasn’t going to do, because it was my father who made me who I am today.
Ladies, please choose your baby’s daddy wisely!
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I was raised in a two parent home until age 10. Not sure if my father taught us survivor skills or it just comes natural losing a mom. We sure learned the importance of family. Some of us are middle aged adults now and we are still very close. I guess what my dad taught us was his “strengt” to over come any obstacle. My moms last wish was for dad to keep (us) together. My two older siblings were not my dads, he never adopted them but we all lived under the same roof until one by one we left the nest. My dad proved that a single father can raise kids to be sucessful. We all have great careers. He may have come from Mississippi, had a 11th grade education but instilled in us the importance of higher learning.
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I was also raised in a 2 parent home until the age of 10. My parents divorced because my father had a drug problem. But I learned a lot about what it takes to have a good relationship from them. Also I learned what it takes to raise good children from them. I’m my mother’s only child. She had my grandmother and pop-pop to help her. My father was around but because of the drug problem not as much. He is now very much a part of my life and always has been. Although he has 2 other children he still shows me all the love like he did when it was only me. He is the model I used when I met someone new. All of his (and my pop-pop’s) great qualities I want in a partner as well as a father to my (future) children.
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