Can a Headscarf Be Sexy?

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by Lamar Tyler | on July 9th, 2009 | 71 comments

headscarf

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

For as long as I can remember, wrapping my hair up with a silky scarf has been a nighttime ritual. Didn’t need any breakage from my hair rubbing up against the pillow all night long.

As a single lady, it wasn’t an issue. No one cared how I looked when I slept. But now that I’m married and have a man staring at me every night and every morning, I’d like to put my best foot forward and I’m afraid the scarf isn’t it.

But what to do, ladies? I tried to buy the pretty, patterned scarves but inevitably they clash with my pajamas and I end up look more like a bag lady than a young wife/mom. But I refuse to go scarf less.

As black women, we are so protective of our hair. Need it to look nice and spend hours in the salon if need be. In order to maintain that look, out comes the hair wrap.

I’ll let you discuss amongst yourselves:

Ladies, does your scarf make you feel less sexy?

Fellas, do you even care if your lady has one on?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.africanamericanmom.blogspot.com African American Mom

Oh wait…I think that was Lamar–my bad!

African American Moms last blog post..You know what else happened in June?
Daisy

@Politcal pete it was late and I wasnt sure if I was seeing glasses or not and YES Locs can be high maintence. I have only had mine 3yrs I think…lol I can see myself cutting them off and starting over. I dont see myself ever going back to a perm but I never say never.
Jonesi

HAHAHA “Those aren’t rings around my eyes” *I died! Pete you always crack me up!*.

Man I missed all the action in this post Anyway, trying to be “appealing” before going to “sleep” (my mom might be reading LOL), is WAY too much work. That’s the reason my hair is a mess now. Trying to go without the scarf only messed up my wrap routine…now my hair is no longer trained…it’s confused! lol…so come October 25, 2009 (the day after my wedding) I will STILL be wearing a scarf and everyday I remember afterwards. To be honest, yes he has said he accepts the scarf (funny how so many of us have had this conversation at some point in our relationships) but appreciates the opportunites when I don’t (insert your interpretation here).

My question is what do white women do at night…well the ones who wash their hair all the time? I had a white roommate once and she went to bed often with wet hair! Now IMO that is MUCH worse than a scarf….
Jonesi

And yes I’m aware alot of them blow dry it immediately after…but just from my roommate situation, I always wanted to ask her do guys care if she went to bed with wet hair…that was until I found out she had a girlfriend! LOL
Political Pete

I can say when the show was on the other foot and I had to wear all types of stuff over my dreds, my lady didn’t care. We got that “tough grade” so the fingers aren’t exactly “weaving” through neither one of our cunka bugs!
Daisy

Does anybody wear the hair bonnet instead of a scarf..lol
Political Pete

No comment.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

@Daisy – I would wear the hair bonnet over my rollers. *hangs head in shame* Yes, I just know I looked EXTRA sexy those nights. LOL.

Taras last blog post..Does it ever get easier?
kylor2

Personally, I wear a bonnet now that I am natural (for a year)
I still don’t want it breaking and rubbing while I sleep. Since I am still single, it has not been an issue.
However, when I was dating (my daughters dad, who is filipino), and relaxed I did wear a scarf and he asked why I wore a scarf every night, I just told him it is easier to manage when I wake up, but he had no problem with it…
Daisy

Now that my locs are getting longer I find a bonnet works better so I use both..lol I am sinlge so it doesn’t matter..lol
http://mommydaddyblog.com/ Sheena

I have locs and a scarf or bonnet is a must for me! I can’t stand wildness! Greg doesn’t mind.

Sheenas last blog post..Friday May 29th: Heading To Walt Disney World With My Boogie
samezoobi

I do not mind the scarf so much, if they do, what their imaginary god can do.

keloid scars
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HA3XYSZYERN7NCOMJ2DHUIZO6U Jonathan

I think a woman wearing a head scarf is incredibly sexy , especially to to bed! Just thinking
about it makes me hot!
Jonathan
keshia

I wear all types of headscarfs and my husband loves me and think i am sexy either way.If your bout 2 make love wit hubby let him or u pull it off when it’s done n ova wit put it back on.Ladys if ya man don’t like u with the headscarf he must have issues,n if u don’t feel comfortable around ya hubby with a scarf then that means u don’t feel 2 confident about yaself.
mail

lol good topic & very good posts. protecting hair with silk is a must for black hair both relaxed and natural IMO. but sometimes when I am in bed with the hubby I want to be sexy and unfortunately I dont feel sexy when im rocking a silk scarf. now my hair loves me for it. it is convenient to have your hair done and ready to go the next day and for it to stay healthy because I protect with a silk scarf and silk bonnet. and I know my hubby loves me but he TOLERATES the scarf (doesnt mean he love it when I wear it lol). im glad he understands but I still want to be sexy come bedtime. unfortunately with rocking a silk scarf & bonnet I feel like a granny lol. so I may do like allygyrl702 and just wait till I actually get ready to fall asleep to put it on. but beforehand when we are cuddling and doing our grown couple thing (wink) I think I will pass putting on the scarf & just make sure I lay my head on my silk pillow lol.
Kalita

I’m single and wear my headscarf to bed for several different reasons. Sometimes its because I have grease or gel in my hair that I dont want to get on my clean pillow cases. Sometimes I get my hair done in a style that I need to stay in place and other times if I don’t simply tie my hair down at night, it will poof up into a big ol afro and be so hard for me to comb thru in the morning. Pretty much everyday is a bad hair day for me because I dont know what to do with this texture of nappy hair that I have. My hair has been in a perm since I was 10 years old and now that Im 28 and decided to go nappy again.. i don’t know what else to do but tie it down to keep it in place. I love my hair but its unmanagable, if i was married my husband would have to understand my crisis. I’m sure with the help of a professional, my hair will get better.
Lilmissbap

I can’t be sexy 24/7. So the scarf is not even a discussion in my house. I have been wearing my silk scarf since I was 11. I am 34 now. Not that serious.
Nick

Well I would like to see it but I think we have to be realistic. No one can look sharp 100% all day.
Julita K

My hubby likes me in a scarf. He says “he can see my pretty face” *giggle and black girl blush! lol But I try to keep them yoga pants and tanks tight (literally) to counteract the scarf!!
Scarfless A. Night

^^^ Reason number 101 why a wash-n-go natural Afro is liberating and sexy. A quick rinse with water in the shower or spray with leave-in conditioner ges rid of my bed hair. Not trying to start a hair debate, just food for thought.

Can a Headscarf Be Sexy?

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