Do Moms Worry Too Much?

Parenting

by Lamar Tyler | on July 23rd, 2009 | 8 comments

motherdaughtertalk

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

I wrote a post on my blog called “Do Dads Really Get It?” discussing whether or not dads approach parenthood from the same perspective moms do.

The answer was an emphatic “NO.”

Dads do not look at parenthood the same way moms do. But in saying that, is any one way better than the other?

I compare moms view on parenthood to the “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” book. For example, nap time. If the kid skips his nap, chances are there will be a meltdown during dinner. If there’s a meltdown during dinner, then the bedtime routine might be thrown off. If the bedtime routine is thrown off, then there’s less chance that they will get to bed on time. If they don’t get to bed on time…you get the picture.

I think dads are more apt to go with the flow from the beginning. I’ve never seen a dad stress out because the baby woke up from their nap early, or because they had to make a midnight run to the store for more diapers. It seems like men approach fatherhood with one big shrug: “Hey, it happens. What’s the solution?”

Meanwhile, moms do everything in their power to avoid dilemmas. I keep a count of all the diapers in the house and throw spare ones in the car just for emergencies. I know just from sight how many more bottles we can make out of that can of formula.

Trying to keep on top of everything is stressful, I admit. Maybe it’s time to try it Daddy-style?

BMWK family, what do you think? Are dads more laid-back? Do moms worry too much? Should they take a cue from the dads and chill out?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

LLC

I think that Dad’s are more laid back because they know that mom will “take care of it” Now…im not complaining because I have a wonderful husband but, when it comes to our 4 year old….who just happens to be a special needs child….I scheduling speech appointments….I’m bathing…i’m looking for programs….and I work full time! Does anybody feel me?
http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

I definitely feel you, but I’ve learned to gradually take on the Daddy’s Laid Back style as well. When things don’t go as I’ve planned, I don’t have a fit…I just let it slide. Flexibility is the key.
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

YES
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

Regardless most Dads are laid back. Single parent Dads are more laid back, if my wife is out of town and I’ve got the kids I’m still laid back even if she’s not there to help with anything. Look ladies, we handle things differently, it’s not because we think this of you, or expect that from you, and neither way is necessarily better, we just do. What can stressing over anything do? What’s the end result? It doesn’t change anything.
Anna

It’s a womans nature. As much as we want help most times it is so much quicker for us to “just do it” ourselves. I do know many single dads who are laid back but also were the better parent to place the kids, they will still never have the “Mother Worry/Stress”. Mothers have a natural “instinct”. I was on a site and read a comment and it said: “Even a crackhead mom will go to battle over her child”. They may not know how to provide/take care of them, but don’t diss her baby. LOL.
T. Rogers

Men definitely worry. We just worry about different things. I don’t worry about meltdowns. I don’t worry about covering all bases when I take the kids out. As long as they eat, they will be fine. And if something comes up the causes us to take a detour from the normal routine, then so be it.

No, men don’t worry about those things. We worry about long term things. Will we be able to pay for college or even help them pay for college? What can I do to give my kids a leg up on the stiff career competition they will face in the adult world? Can I build a strong enough relationship with my kids now so that when they lose their minds in their teens I can still be an effective parent? I want to love them uncontrollably now, but I need to balance it with discipline. How can I walk that line so I can express my love, but still teach my son and daughter how to handle their business?

To us, meeting day to day needs are not as important as the overall impact we have on their lives. Most men understand their fatherhood will not be judged by the effort they put out. It will be judged by the final product produced.
ProudAuntieof2

I can just see it from my parents point of view. If I skinned my knee riding my bike as a kid, my Ma was freaking out afterward, banning all bike riding until she got back from buying kneepads, elbow pads, gloves, a helmet, you name it. Dad? Dad would clean the cut, put a Band-Aid on it, and tell me to get up and try it again, hoping I had learned a lesson lol.

Dads are in the end, are men. And men, by nature are supposed to be “simpler.” My parents have been married for 25 years, and they have learned to work out this system: my Ma is a worrier, she worries way too much, and thus in turn, my Dad chills out, knowing that my Ma has got the worrying department under control. No sense in everybody being frazzled and scatterbrained, you know?
http://www.honeysmoke.com Honeysmoke

Dads don’t know what we know. They also know we got their backs. That’s why they can chill.

Do Moms Worry Too Much?

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