It’s Not Easy As A Single Mom

As a single mom I sometimes roll my eyes when married moms say “I dont see how you do it”. The truth is, anyone CAN do it and WOULD do it if they didnt have a choice. Granted, I wouldn’t wish single motherhood on anyone, single moms are no more capable than anyone else. We also rely on a strong support network just like married moms. We are also very creative and resourceful.

I guess I just dont understand why people think we are any different or that you as a married mom don’t have the capacity to do what we do on a daily basis.

As a married woman/single mom of two I had to get over the fact that even though I was married I felt single. I’m still getting up in the moring cooking breakfast, bathing, braiding hair, changing diapers, calming fears, going to classes on the weekend. I started asking myself why am I married if I’m doing all of this by myself anyway. He’s a great provider, but that’s what he chooses to be, he doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning to help with the children that he wanted, and will shout out duties from his recliner while I have a crying hungry child in the background. Get’s upset because he believes that his opinion doens’t count, but doesn’t want to get involved.

Tara,

As a single mom of 5 (I’ll call them the fab 5), I’d say the task is yet a challenge. I just pray & seek God for strength. Thanks for the WOW; very encouraging.

@ Leslie,

You said, “Thanks for the Wow…it goes to God cause without him……” That’s so real.

@ ST

Sis, woosah! You get a time out for that one. LOL Seriously, I think Tara was trying to pay a compliment and give respect to single mothers. I don’t think it was a whine. LOL

@ stella

Just when I’m ready to complain, someone reminds me that it could be worse. I’m definitely praying for you (and me). )

@ST Like really if you’re not about anything positive and don’t want to recieve your “wow” please take the drama-filled whoa is me attitude to a negative site.

BMWK is a positive site all about putting us as bleack people in a postive, support-filled and restoring the outlook of “US” site. What you’re bringing is def not that.

Praise God you are able to do it on your own and do it proudly cause know that there is a woman single or married who is not able to…

Blessings to you sweetie..

@Harriet Thanks sis!! Love you girl!

@Lamar totally agree and thanks for the site!

Yes, as a single mom, I too don’t feel like its a compliment when I hear the question “single mom’s how do you do it?”

My first thought is-think about a lot of your moms, grandmoms, aunts before you who did it along (and maybe even raised YOU as a single mom) and you will get the answer.

I feel patronized by those questions/comments.

We all love our children and will go to the ends of the earth for them regardless of the circumstances.

**deep breath**

I wrote this post as a way to say that single moms are amazing. Who here has a problem with that comment? How can you object to someone saying you are amazing? If you do, then the problem lies with you, not me.

I’m not saying, “Oooh, look at the mom do it alone – here’s a cookie.” Of course I don’t fully get what it’s like to be a single mom, nor would I pretend to.

I write here on BMWK not because I need another space to “whine” but because I enjoy the insightful discussion and commentary that takes place. I do not mind if you disagree with my posts – I don’t expect everyone to agree. But I do not like being personally attacked when it is clear my intention is not to offend.

@ST

In general, I just think that single moms do not get enough credit for what they do, so when you are praised, REALIZE it, be grateful and say “thanks for acknowledging that I do the best I can with what I have and for being grateful for your own situation.” Wanda Sykes said it herself, single moms are raising more and more of today’s world, and though it’s not a desirable situation, the world is still churning out more doctors, lawyers, architects, engineers, artists, singers, poets, dancers and generally productive members of society.

I think that if anyone, married or single, mother or childless, has the guts to get up and give single moms some praise, YOU should be the one to say thanks, take that “cookie” for doing a good job, and STFU.

*Sweet innocent smile*

While I don’t agree with the hostile/negative remarks. I do feel that single moms should be able to voice their concerns over our feelings of being “pitied”. So I do say thanks to Tara for her acknowledgement of what we do on a daily basis. I still think I have a right to voice my opinion.

I hope everyone has a great day!

I am not a mother yet…. But I have several cousins who are single mothers. In fact, my nephew has a single mother. I used to be a nanny of two boys, and that was rough in itself. I would go to the house, play with the one boy (the other boy was a newborn that never wanted to be put down), cook dinner, do baths, books, and bedtime routine… and then try to stay on top of my school work at the same time. I was a senior in college, trying to graduate on time, while being a nanny and having another partime job. Some days I felt like a single mother. No one there to take the screaming baby while I was trying to get this one last paragraph written for a paper that was due that evening. Or study this one last page before my huge exam the next day. In fact, there were a few nights (when the youngest was still in the bassenet) that I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t. I would attempt to go to sleep and he would wake up. Then I was awake with him… you get the picture.

I agree with Tara… I only had to be a “single” provider 3 nights a week. There are other moms out there who have to do it 24/7, 365 days, 52 weeks… I stand up to you. I know that people dont choose to be a single mother (unless you are the octomom), and I know that you take care of your kids, trying to give them the love of 2 parents, and sometimes it may not be an easy task. You cant just go take a nap and hope someone else will watch them.

I am truly in awe of moms who make it everyday without a significant other helping them along the way. Nicely put Tara!

I beleive what Tara was trying to say is single moms rock, and they rock hard! And though I have never been a single mom, single mothers have always been a huge source of inspiration to me. My thoughts weren’t how do you do it but rather if she can do it, then there is no excuse for me to fail at motherhood or anything with all the support I get! Heck, I was even super excited at the founding of SM (Single Mother) online magazine even though it did not speak directly to me, I would comb the site through and through every chance I got because I thought this group was wonderfull amazing. I was also super p. off when the mag. didn’t survive.

I can see how maybe the comment “wow. Just…wow” might have been taken the wrong way, and why many single mothers are sensitive to the common comment “I don’t know how you do it” because I feel the exact same way when people at work say to me about having four kids, “girl…I don’t know you do it with four kids!” or “you’re not having anymore are you?!” (Ronnie, I hear ya!) as if there is something wrong with having more than a few kids. It burns me up. And though I didn’t set out to have four, three of them being “oops” babies, I’m having a darn good time. It’s not easy, the laundry is ridiculous, the house is always loud, and I’ve made-up terms and phrases like organized mess and clean-dirty, LOL, Unlike single moms, I have my husband’s assistance, and that makes you, single moms, spectacular, powerful and someone to be admired. I think that is what Tara was trying to say.

Wow is right. My husband and I joke to each other that we don’t want to be left alone with our girls. They’re lovely children, but they can wear on one parent. It truly takes a village, and we lean on anyone we can whenever we can.

@ Smart Mouth

Amen to that! My mama was a military spouse, and whenever pops left, it was like something snapped inside us that made us start acting like pure dee FOOLS. LOL

Moms knew how to handle us, though. Even when she was angry, she had a way of diffusing situations that I STILL marvel at today, even though decades have passed.

I co-sign the shout to military spouses who hold it down for 12-18 months at a time for their children, while simultaneously prayign for their loved one’s safety when they’re in harm’s way on anothe rside fo the world.

Corinna said:
Hello all, This is my first time visiting this website and I must say it does an excellent job!

I thought this article was an awesome one. I was raised by a single mother, and am now married. Both my husband and I do not have kids but we can not wait till we are blessed with them.

For those of you who think the author is whining/patronising, I think you sound a bit bitter and are not able to take a compliment. But just like it is your opinion that the author is being negative, it is my opinion that you also sound negative. Like a previous poster said it’s how the written word is interpreted.

P.S
There are not so good single mothers out there. It really does take a strong, organized person to manage a household by yourself.
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Welcome. I know many married moms that I consider “single moms”. Husband/dad does not help lift a finger for a thing except to play an X box. I don’t blame the man for everything. Sometimes women marry to say they have a husband and he is the father of their child(ren). I do agree with you that a “opinion” is just a opinion, it does not make it right or wrong but sometimes it may be “ones experience” and that is what most times makes an “opinion” more personal.