Child Rape Story Almost Made Me Cuss

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by Lamar Tyler | on July 24th, 2009 | 25 comments

by Harriet

I’m sure many of you have heard about the incident involving an 8 year old Liberian refugee being raped by four boys aged 9-14 in Phoenix, Arizona. It doesn’t surprise me that something like this could happen in our country. Unfortunately, it happens all the time. What baffles me (and almost made me cuss) is the attitude of the young girl’s immediate family members! They have all but written this girl off as a shame and degrading to their name. They are concerned that news of this assault will get back to their native country and embarrass them. The young girl is now in the foster care system because the police felt she’d be better off there than with her own family.

WHAT.IN.THE.WORLD?!?

Here are some facts about this incident and the Liberian law system:

The 14 year old boy is being tried as an adult and charged with kidnapping and sexual assault
The other three boys are being charged as juveniles
The girl’s 23 year old sister, who was supposed to have been babysitting her, said she wanted the four boys to be released, and that her sister should not have allowed herself to be lured by them.
Rape was not illegal in Liberia until 2006!

I got it…the family doesn’t want their “tainted” child anymore, and the boys are going to be held accountable. But what about this BABY who was horribly violated like that? What must be going through an 8 year old’s mind knowing that such a horrible thing has happened to her. Between her being raped and her family blaming her, she must feel terribly low. I’m committed to praying for this young lady.

BMWK, what do you think it will take to help the eight year old recover both physically, emotionally and spiritually? Can you imagine growing up in a culture where girls being raped is such a cavalier thing? If this were your daughter (God forbid), what would your response to your daughter and the young boys be?

God bless!

~ Harriet

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (25)

King James Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

How does one say the culture is cavalier towards rape b/c something isn't written in law. Even America claims to separate church and state.. and there are many things that concern the masses... that isn't written in law... and/or are changing into law NOW... May seem off topic, but your statements read strongly. ** But no, I can't imagine being in that culture. But reading it made me sad... thinking about the big picture when the young girl is most likely being ignored. And how she will cope. How DOES one recover? ** Also, how much related is the girl's family response of the girl having responsibility.. .related to what we think in America about having responsibility in not getting raped.. as in.. we say 'although rape is never the woman's fault, don't wear short skirt, tight clothes in foreign areas and be alone.' thoughts?
Kirstin (aka The Travelin Diva) Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

OMG! I cried like she was mine when I heard this story the other day. It breaks my heart what this BABY is going through. I think foster care is the best place for her since her family is let's say...trippin! Personally if she were my BABY, I'd probably be locked up right now in a cell next to my husband. I definitely would not blame her for what happened to her. It is NOT her fault. I am glad to hear that the Arizona authorities are on top of the situation and have the scum in jail where they are going to be punished in several ways probably for their actions. SO SAD! This whole situation is so sad! It is going to take a lot of LOVE,therapy and prayers for her to get through this.
African American Mom Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

Harriet, I heard the story and I did cuss!
Harriet Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

@ KJ, You said, "How does one say the culture is cavalier towards rape b/c something isn’t written in law. Even America claims to separate church and state.. and there are many things that concern the masses… that isn’t written in law… and/or are changing into law NOW…" First and foremost, the proof is in the pudding. In Liberia, girls as young as THREE MONTHS OLD have been raped with little or nothing being done to the bastards assaulting them. How in the world is an infant who has only been around for THREE MONTHS responsible for that? They can barely hold their neck up! Yet that INFANT is discarded as evil. So I think "cavalier" is an understatement, to be perfectly honest with you. As far as the United States and church vs. state are concerned, the reason why there is so much controversy surrounding that issue is because the Constitution and its corresponding documents were based on biblical principles. One of those biblical principles is that of freedom and liberty to serve or not to serve Christ (or any other deity for that matter). When you try to remove the foundation and original premises that the laws in this country were based upon, you're going to have difficulties. However, like it or not, I'd much rather deal with these issues in the United States than be in Liberia dealing with that kind of culture. I'm sure it's rich in many other areas, but that cultural "practice" is despicable.
Harriet Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

@ Kirstin The fact that the foster care system in the United States is a better place for this young girl than her own family is a tragic indictment against the common practices of Liberia. Hey, I'm all for rich culture and history, but the way you treat the most vulnerable members of your society, whether children, women or the elderly is the ultimate mirror. I'm not saying the United States is superior, but at least we have laws that govern that kind of behavior, and if the justice system works the way it's supposed to (ideally), those breaking the laws will be held accountable.
athenanike Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

The family's reaction has me questioning whether this is a muslim family that immigrated from Liberia, because it seems muslims are always ambivalent about violence against females. Their greater concern about this getting back to Liberia and embarassing the family, rather than justice for thier child. Not that men with other religious/cultural backgrounds don't rape, but muslims are still slow to accept that a woman can have no culpability in their attacks aside from having the appropriate anatomy.
Harriet Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

that's an unfortunate truth, athenanike. i was talking to my workout buddies about this case earlier today, and the first question they asked me was, "is the family muslim?" by no means do i want to demonize the islam faith. just as there are factions within Christianity that would violate young boys as a practice, this cultural disturbance is ridiculously diabolical.
Donielle Michele Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

Well while the story is truly truly sad, it's not surprising to me at all. I will not go into a rant about how terrible the parents and sister are b/c to tell the truth, it's ALL they know. Before we light out torches, it is important that we learn other cultures and what they believe. Just because this family lives in the US does not mean they will all of a sudden begin to think and believe in the same things Americans do. Americans are very blind to the rest of the world until it happens on our soil. Things like this happen EVERYDAY all around the world. How many people that heard this story participate in Relief Missions to save these women? I myself am 100% GUILTY also and will never deny that. I just think that in this case, we need to think about educating the family and helping them realize that this IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! Having said that, I pray for the little girl AND the little boys. Children only act in a way they were taught. I can't believe the oldest child will be tried as an adult....my heart hurts for all that is involved. We need to look at this situation with compassion and understanding. Let's not let the "Media Gods" dictate our lives and point of views. Once again, I pray for all that is involved and I hope the daughter gets the help she needs and finds a loving and supportive family, to embrace her and to help heal years of abuse (both mental and physical).
Harriet Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

Good points...all of them, Donielle. Thanks for bringing in your viewpoint. Teaching a family to unlearn their culture is a difficult task, though. That's like trying to teach me to wear a burqa because my anatomy runs the risk of shaming my family. It's just a messed up situation all around. But I definitely agree with you. I've been all over the world and experienced so many different cultures. Yet as a Christian, mother and woman, it's hard NOT to make a torch lighting statement about these kinds of issues. Your commentary really put me on pause and forced me to think about the tenor of the article. Thanks!
athenanike Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

I understand cultural sensitivity, yet there is right and there is wrong, and unmitigated truths. There is a cycle of "upholding the family honor" responses within the muslim "culture" after sexual assault whether the victim is female or males and it is wrong! I weep for the young men too, because now they are going to get a bitter taste of American culture, which is prosecuting to the fullest extent of the law. But I think the last thing on the little girls mind is retribution for her attackers, but why aren't mommy and daddy here to comfort me? And that is tragic, and will definitely scar her recovery, because she is probably does not understand sexuality and culture and what their attack on her means to her family.
Donielle Michele Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

Harriet.... Thank you for being open and willing to see another point of view. I understand the first instinct to "ring the alarm" because I too have children (two boys). And I would be mortified if they EVER did anything like that but I would also have to look at myself first to see where I went wrong. When I posted my comment, I thought I would get a stampede of negative responses. So, needless to say I was delighted when I read your response....lol! I just think this is an opportunity for us, as Americans to open our minds and find alternate solutions, besides hate and outrage, to situations like this. Athenanike.... I didn't respond to this article to say whether anyone is right or wrong in this situation. I just wanted people to stop and think about the WHOLE picture and widen their "tunnel vision." We all need to understand that when it comes to different cultures, right and wrong is completely subjective. Everyone has beliefs that someone else thinks is wrong and as a society we have got to understand that.
Anna Friday - 24 / 07 / 2009 Reply

It is a "all they know thing". Reading this story made my stomach drop and my heart break. Parents are to protect thier kids. When bad things happen to our kids that are not under our control, we deal with it not dis own our kids. This is so sad. How do you blame a chid?
Harriet Saturday - 25 / 07 / 2009 Reply

@ Donielle, There's a difference between compromising your beliefs and refusing to live in a vacuum where your viewpoint is the only RIGHT one. Now, I'm not going to compromise what and Who I believe in, but opening the doors to thought provoking viewpoints takes me out of that vacuum and broadens my horizons quite a bit. Besides, what makes you think I would have with a "stampede" of negativity? You must have read the "Big Pimpin" article. LOL @ Anna, You're right. It's all they know. Yet like athenanike said, just because it's all they know, there is a function within every human being that understands the difference between right and wrong. Our cultural norms and mores in addition to the way we are raised and the philosophies we embrace either increases or decreases the volume of that function.
alan Sunday - 26 / 07 / 2009 Reply

harriet: thank you for posting this story and also clarifying the facts. this was one of the recent news events of which shook me to the core of my soul. as horrible as this occurrence, even more horrible (facts from PBS special, fostercare in america), 1.9 million kids are in foster care, 80% are of african american descent, of that amount-90% "age out" at 18 with most males turning to drugs & crime and most females becoming teenage mothers or teen prostitutes. so before any one of us can address this occurrence, as horrible as it is. we have to address an even worse problem in our own back yard. harriet, upon your mentioning 3 month olds- i became livid!!!
Buddma Monday - 27 / 07 / 2009 Reply

Can you imagine growing up in a culture where girls being raped is such a cavalier thing?
Sure can, it's called living in the good ole United States of America.
Harriet Monday - 27 / 07 / 2009 Reply

@ Buddma, I meant amongst family members...but I can't even argue with you, unfortunately. It happens everywhere. I just can't imagine being 8 years old and not having the support of my family to lean on. It baffles me.
Buddma Monday - 27 / 07 / 2009 Reply

I understand, I am just getting a little tired of all the comments about them being Muslim, or confused, etc. All countries have differing levels of a "rape culture", it is not endemic to any particular country or group of people. It is a holdover of the patriachial nature of most societies that allows such a culture to flourish.
athenanike Monday - 27 / 07 / 2009 Reply

I won't back track on my previous comments but ammend them by saying the family response is generally attributed to the muslim culture. If rape is "cultural norm", then why has the little girl separated from her parents for her own protection? In general Africa as a continent has a staggering rape statistics, due to the wars, famines, and AIDS. The BBC did a report, 1/4 men in South Africa alone had raped a girl or woman by the time they were 20, as a way of male bonding or to express their masculinity, because in some parts of Africa men will rape young boys. It was also believed for a while that having sex with a virgin would cure a man of HIV/AIDS - which is where a lot of the infant rapes Harriet mentioned come in cause they are the only sure fire virgins left if everyone else is being raped. I don't think its merely a patriarchal issue, but also colonialism remnants, plus the current socio-political situations in many countries.
Lynn Tuesday - 28 / 07 / 2009 Reply

As a mother of a 10 year old girl, and a victim of child rape myself, this story breaks my heart. It also brings back stuff I thought I let go years ago. As a child who was blamed for my assault, I spent years trying to prove to my parents that I was worthy. For years the last thing that went through my mind before I went to sleep, I was a Whore (my mothers words). and knowing I was going to be teased the next day, because of the new "granny" clothes I had to wear, So I would not have any reason to flirt. I hope social services gets her the help she needs, for the rape and the rejection from her family.
Brittanee MAnous Tuesday - 01 / 09 / 2009 Reply

well what i'll tell her it's not her fult she didn't know and i know she was really scared and when fear takes over it's harder to think fast you have to be calm and that i will do whatever it takes to help her over come this and so god help me i will go out my way to woop thier asses for rapeing her and i would tell them honesty i would want to know why and tell them from right to wrong and have them to apologize to her and have the boys relased they shouldn't be charge at that young age and i would never blame her.they kids their minds wonder! their mind wonder so far it can cross the line and when they made up thier mind they want to try it i dont blame the boys ither all guys wanna see what's it's like to have sex but they was just having fun but in the wrong way
Harriet Monday - 23 / 11 / 2009 Reply

OK, I don't know how much more I can take. This little girl's parents were arrested last week for child abuse! a few snippets from the article: "Police said the parents, refugees from the West African nation, used sticks, wires and their fists to hit their young daughter." "Witnesses told CNN affiliate KTVK that the parents left their daughter wandering their apartment complex alone at night, begging for food." As if this young lady has not been through enough. Lord, have mercy!
- Torrespando Thursday - 19 / 08 / 2010 Reply
  
  where is this young lady at now? sorry it took to long to reply. who parents were they? what happen? That's sad how young girls has to trade just to get what they need knowing they can't get nothing in return all they have is them and their body is a big part of their life. I wanna know more
Harriet Monday - 23 / 11 / 2009 Reply

Oh, here's the link to the article: http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/21/arizona.abuse.arrests/index.html
- Torrespando Thursday - 19 / 08 / 2010 Reply
  
  sad. thats a low down dirty shame how they do such a thing to a baby gurl she were so young How could men do that. Do they have a heart at all? No they don't and why is the mother getting arrested? was she in it as well. If i was only there I would hold that child in my arms tight. I cant believe they let that happen thats why sum people is not ready for kids as they thought. Its gonna get worse the world is getting bad every minute. I hope it made her strong and did not break her
Poisontea4u Friday - 17 / 06 / 2011 Reply

A certain family needs to go back to Liberia