5 Things I Wish I Did Before I Got Married

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on August 3rd, 2009 | 15 comments

by Tara Pringle Jefferson

If given the chance, here are the five things I wish I did before I got married. What’s on your list?

1. Cherished the time as “boyfriend and girlfriend.” We got together in April, were exchanging “I love you’s” by May, and we were practically shopping for engagement rings by the fall. We moved so fast. I remember back then, I was annoyed by the term “girlfriend” – I wanted to be his wife. Now that we’re married, I joke to my husband that he has to move out when the kids do, so we can date again.

2. Bought a car. My dad bought me my first car. My husband bought me my second. If given the chance, I would go back in time and quit spending my entire paycheck at Victoria’s Secret and Macy’s.

3. Spent more time talking to people in successful relationships instead of getting relationship advice from people who had no clue how to keep a good thing together. Nuff said.

4. Spent more time with my future-in-laws. At first glance, they are a loud, rowdy bunch. At second glance, they are a loud, rowdy bunch. But I should have realized a lot sooner that they would soon be MY family too and if I wanted to survive the next 50 years with my husband, I better get friendly real quick.

5. Hmmm, actually I lied. Only four things I wish I did before I got married. Not bad.

So what’s on your list? What do you wish you had done before you got married?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://singlikesassy.blogspot.com SingLikeSassy

I got married at 37 with a well-established career, so I had already bought a house, my dream car, traveled to Africa, Turkey, Europe, the Caribbean, had money saved etc.

The one thing I wish I had done before I got married is been more confident in myself relationship-wise during my 20s. It would have saved me from some bad relationships, I think.
Staycee2

Got my MBA!! I make pretty good money on my job w/o a degree, but just would have liked to set an example for my daughter waving my degree in her face to show her how important it is to have a college degree & some!
Anna

You stumped me on this one. Can anyone believe I am speechless? LOL. For real I can’t think of anything. I got married a couple of weeks before I turned 30.

Cherished the time as “boyfriend and girlfriend.”
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When you get a certain age you know what you want. We got married fast. We did not date much as a couple but we do as a married old couple.
Anonymous

this one was easy for me
1. traveled more (i had to start working right out of high school)
2. partied more( i was working to help my mom)
3. dated more (dated only three guys my whole life,and married two of them)
4.went to college ( which i am doing now with a husband and two small kids at 41. wheww!!)
5.had a chance at get to know my father (i know of him but i don’t know him)
dede

that anonymous was me (dede) i am not ashame of who i am
millyj

I agree with Stacee2 – I am in the SAME “wish mode” on that one…I have a daughter too and I want to be an example. I make really good money w/out a degree but that is a shawdow that has always lingered over me…However, I WILL do something about that…took all my Plan B classes for my general ed courses and a few for my major – I’m on my way – one step (degree)at a time.
Tamara

I wish I would have traveled overseas, finished my degree and started my business back then. I think those three things would have saved me a lot of heartache before getting married.
Natural_Oasis

I can happily say that I can’t think of anything that I would have wanted to do prior to getting married. I am actually closer to my husbands family then I am to my own. We started dating when I was 16 & he was 19 so we pretty much grew together! We seperated for a couple of years while I went off to join the military. After returning 3-4 years later we reunited and started traveling together. W waited until I was 28 before starting our family and also got married that same year. Somehow everything fell in place, thank God!!!
Crystal

Worked overseas. My dream job. We got married when I ws 29 and he 34 so both had good established jobs, but I have always wanted to live (not just visit) in another country. Now that we are married , we dont want to be apart, so unless we both find employment toghether…its the good ole USA.
Anna

The comments are real but not surprising. My ? is why are all the comments from women?

5 Things I Wish I Did Before I Got Married
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We woman do know our own husbands (or at least I hope we all do). Husbands, you don’t have to give a clue in the room of your 5 reasons but I would like to think it being non shared and men have a “pact”.
I think men/husbands are afraid sharing/telling the truth. The post was fair and I would love a honest answer from a male in the room.
” Do you wish you had a better paying job?
Do You wish you were more ready for marriage?
Do You wish you waited?
Do You wish you sowed more oats?
Do you wish you waited to have kids with anybody?
Do you think that the woman you are with wishes she is with somebody else?
Men are not as complex as a women makes them out to be. I have knowm my hubby for only 13 yrs and my question is “where have you been all my life??
http://myopinionbutimnotwrong.blogspot.com/ Rob G

As I was reading all of these comments I made a mental note of what the last poster stated. Why aren’t any guys posting their responses? So, here goes.
1. Wish I had waited until I was married to have kids. Unfortunately, I didn’t and as a result I don’t have a major impact on my next generation.
2. Wish I would have finished college. I make okay money and even have people that work for me with degrees, but I also spend time mentoring and as a youth pastor. The example of having actually done what I’m advising them to do says volumes.
3. Wish I had made better decisions with credit. Although my credit score is now in the high 600′s (thanks to my wife’s bookkeeping skills), it was deplorable before we got married. I couldn’t finance a car in may name until I was 30.
4. Wish I would have stayed in the Army. I have classmates who are retiring (at 38) with their whole lives ahead of them. Instead I got out after 8 and started working. **Dumb move** I don’t know if that counts as something ‘before’ I got married or not, but it’s just a choice I wish I could get a mulligan on.
I’m not one who’s afraid of sharing his feelings or what’s on my mind, but I honestly can’t think of a last thing I wish I had doen prior to committing myself to my wife for life.
http://www.guapington.com Chico Tha Boi

Um… Im not married, but I am a young man (24) and at my age it seems as if thats what the next “thing” to do is (get married). I have a hard time dating because a few weeks/months into the companionship the girl is always looking for more. Considering that I have a degree, a good job, no kids, and easy on the eyes, it is difficult to always get put in these situations when there is so much more for people my age to do than to get married and/or have kids.

Much respect to the older generation, but the opportunities that you guys had were not as available as the ones that we have today, so young people need to look around and notice that there is more to life these days than living in falacy about what is traditional, in this non traditional society.

So, I just wanted to leave a comment and say that we all should be a little selfish in our decision during our “tender 20s”…explore and experience life, so that when it is time to settle down, you will be in control of your mental and assured of your expectations. I think most people cheat because of something “new”, not to say that they love it (him/her) more than their spouse, but just because they havent experienced it before.

And I def hate it for the young ladies who did not date as much when they were younger. Thats another topic….

Google me @ Chico Tha Boi… You can also see me on YouTube.

Thanks Everyone…
Charle

1- I wish we could’ve had more time without kids. We met in Feb 2005, were engaged by Oct 1, 2005, found out that we were one month pregnant on Oct 17, 2005…and ever since then we’ve had 2 little ones.

2-Partied more

3-Wish I would of traveled more. I never got to see anything outside of the U.S. and Canada.

4-Wish I could’ve owned my own home. I lived with my parents til we got married. I’ve never had that feeling of “Mi casa es mi casa”.

5-Wish I could’ve lived abroad for a year or two.
sissy10

Well….I’m gonna start off by saying I love my children and my husband dearly. And here goes my list….
1. Waited til I was at least 25 years old(got married at 21)
2. Enjoyed time together without children (had our first child 1 year before we got married second one 3 months after we got married)
3. Went to college and got my degree
4. Wish I had a closer relationship with GOD at the time.
5. Wish I would’ve done more traveling

I could go on and on…but the reality is the trials and the tribulations I have went through and continue to go through have made me the woman I am today. At 28 with 7 and half years of marriage and 3 beautiful children under my belt I think we are doing ok(could be better) but we’re still here.
Hxlmason

I got married for the first time at 41 years old, so I got pretty much everything, including having a son out of the way before marriage. (I was in a long term relationship with his mother when i was younger) But the one thing that I regret not doing in my singe years was travelling as a single guy.