Comments on: How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex?

By: Bjdaniel

Bjdaniel — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 01:42:00 +0000

Healthy sexual relationships between man and wife, lead to healthy marriages, and healthy home lives for their children. This all equals fewer cases of divorce and cheating wifes and/or husbands. Sex is a healthy bond between married adults, and discussing it , in no way means that we are focusing less on our children.

By: MARTIN

MARTIN — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 08:48:00 +0000

after reading some of these post I CANT WAIT 2B SINGLE AGAIN

By: Cvett84

Cvett84 — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 23:57:00 +0000

Been married 43 years and 30 without any sex or intimacy. For me its been the best 30 years, I have no desire for any kind of intimacy. My wife is totally the opposite, she said she needs the intimacy. Thats her opnion! I don’t want to be touched by her or any one else. I have never been that excited about sex, to me it was just something married people do. At first I only had sex cause my wife wanted it. I just faked it that I enjoyed it. Then I couldn’t perform any more I found out I had E/D I could of hugged my doctor. Also about the same time frame I had high blood pressure, cholesterol, ulcers, depression and taking meds for all this. This further destroyed my libedo. I’m happy the way I’am !!!! Told my wife to get a girl or boy friend and this really p/o her.
But thats life in my world.

By: Sexyday18

Sexyday18 — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 23:01:00 +0000

My wife and I have been together for 11 years and we are both 28 years old. We would have sex
about 3-4 times a week. About 1 year ago it cut back to 2-3 times a month. I want sex more but she is never in the mood now. If we do have sex it is like pity sex for me. Keep in mind she will still take out her vib toy and use that instead of having sex with me. I try to put her in the mood and I though I did some times, but now I think she never got in the mood, she just had sex with me because she felt like she has to as my wife. comments?????

By: TOP 10: BMWK Posts of 2009

TOP 10: BMWK Posts of 2009 — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 05:15:30 +0000

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By: Sue

Sue — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:19:48 +0000

Interesting topic and responses. This is in response to Leon. It sounds like your wife is dealing with some serious physical issues and that is sapping her sex drive-has she been evaluated for lupus, multiple sclerosis, chronic fatique syndrome. Is she depressed. Is she menopausal or perimenopausal.
Please hang in there-you need each other. Find a new doctor for her.
Flip the script-if it were you who couldn’t have sex because of illness or erectile dysfunction or lacked desire because of a hormonal issue-you would want someone you really trusted to stand by your side.
After I was diagnosed with lupus I had no desire. Even a light touch made my skin feel bad. I finally discussed this with my doctor and my gynecologist and was able to get back in the groove again but it took about six months.

By: Leon

Leon — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 15:52:09 +0000

Just a perspective from another angle. I am in my early 40′s and have been married to my wife for 20+ years. Currently we are coming up on week 9 without being intimate, and we’ve made love once in the last 15 weeks, and probably about 4-6 times in the last 6 months. It’s been a very lonely summer! Over the course of our relationship, spanning 25+ years, I’d have to say our average is 2-3 times a month with dry spells as long as 8 months.

I’m looking for any insight or advice you have to see if I’ve missed something and I’m too close to the situation to see it.

I’m happy to say that our sex life is the single worst aspect of our marriage. Everything else is really very good and, looking around at friends who deal with infidelity, power struggles, financial issues and parenting crisis, I have to say I count my blessings that our major conflict is something that we can work out between us. My wife is an incredible friend and an amazing mother. She is confident in her abilities both in the home and in her career and we share our thoughts and feelings about everything in our lives regularly. We are OK financially. We have never had to deal with major loss of trust.

Having said that, the lack of sex drives me screaming up walls.

I’ve gotten to the point where I bear the lack of intimacy in silence because, as Gina implied, I don’t want her giving pity or annoyance sex just to keep me quiet for a couple of week. I just keep my eyes open for any signs that she might be interested, and keep the communication and support going.

I do as much around the house as I can – she usually doesn’t clear a dish, fill or empty the dishwasher or wipe a countertop. I’m a lousy cook so unfortunately any “help” I offer in that regard runs the risk of giving food poisoning rather than nourishment. I clean some laundry, fold and put cloths away, and take care of our 4 children (ages 17, 13, 10 and 7) from the time I get home until they go to bed.

Part of the issue is a long-running health challenge. My wife is usually “done” by 7pm (sometimes she can make it until 10, but that is rare). Originally thought to be thyroid, we now believe it is hormonal in some way, but nobody has any answers or solutions. In the last year, the exhaustion has been coupled with vertigo and migrains which leaves her feeling drained for a day after an attack.

Another part of the issue is, I think, her attitude toward sex. (this is where I could really use your help to see if I’m off base) My perception is that she finds sex a messy chore that doesn’t have enough benefits to make it worth the effort. In 25+ years of our relationship, our lovemaking has consisted of about an hour of foreplay until she orgasms a few times, then missionary-style intercourse. She has no interest in oral sex (given or received) or other positions, locations, etc. She is responsively aroused but not proactively aroused. As far as I can tell there’s nothing I can do to get her in the mood short of her deciding in her head that she’s going to have sex. No event (birthday, holiday, anniversary) or experience (flowers, dinner, movie) triggers a response that I would call “aroused”.

Yet another part, I believe, is my own hangup. I refuse to demand or even negotiate sex – both when and how sex happens. I believe it should happen because both people feel moved. If she isn’t interested, I can’t handle the thought of her just doing it for my benefit. That seems too close to being a call girl.

So we muddle along. I’m open to any advice about other ways to muddle if you have it.

Committing to 30 days of intimacy is NOT an option, if for no other reason than that (I think) it would be like taking a 400-lb couch potato and telling them to jog (or even walk) a mile every day for 30 days. Nice idea, but it would kill the patient. I’m willing to be proven wrong though.

By: Lora

Lora — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 15:54:33 +0000

I feel it shouldn’t come down to qauntity as much as qaulity. Qaulity overrides any amount, don’t be caught up in the numbers it doesn’t matter. A good qaulity sex life is the best any couple could ask for.

By: sad and lonely

sad and lonely — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 19:59:16 +0000

jonesi
please don’t misunderstand me
I would never dismis abuse
I’m may not get my point across
that well. u seem to think I’m only interested
in fixing my wife for my own pleasure
let me give u a little more info
the counseling i’m speaking of is for
the both of us. we have been together
since high school 32 years i have been
faithful and supportive. my family life
was so different than hers my father
was not a bastard like hers. I must say
I haven’t known how to help her all these
years except love and caring and being faithful
I convinced myself that sex did not matter

because I love her that much it’s only the last
years that I’ve had these feelings like I’ve missed
out or something the last thing I want is to recent her
like I said I’ve been with her since I was17. I am
now 49 I really hate feeling this way
perhaps it’s already to late. I just wanted u to know
how much I love this woman I would slight the bad she
was forced to see. she is the love of my life

By: Jonesi

Jonesi — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 13:56:29 +0000

@classywoman – Honestly, we are very much still a work in progress. But, what I do know is the power of honest communication; respectful, conducive communication. I can be very abrasive in my language OR I can come across very whiny. But lately, I have taken a more direct, serious approach. I am very serious about my pesonal happiness and being happy with our union, and without getting off topic too much, I have a fear of allowing anyone, especially men, stiffle my peace of mind. Typically (and unfortunately), when I feel I can’t get through to someone, or I feel I have been wronged or that someone just doesn’t care enough about me to change, I would just walk away and move on. But in this instance I don’t want to do that. I really want to be together and I am willing to attempt to be patient enough and work things out – but I had to say it so he could understand why I felt a certain way.

One thing I learned is that some men need examples. Telling him how I felt wasn’t enough. He didn’t even recognize his own behavior. So I point it out when it’s happening. Now I have to admit it may turn in to an argument, but still he is aware at that very moment, and for the most part, it might not happen again. So be direct and timely. If I take time to point something out to him, then he knows I am serious. But there is a fine line between doing so and nagging lol….man this marriage stuff is going to be funny! *But so worth it* Right now we are in a battle zone because I think we are both kind of nervous…well I know I am….but I made a promise to myself to never give up on us and because he knows where my heart is, eventually he opens up enough to genuinely try to change, not for me, but for us!