Flaws and All

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on August 17th, 2009 | 9 comments

85703064

My husband told me yesterday that I was controlling and that I always needed to be right.

Yup, you can tell how that conversation ended.

I can’t get too mad at him, because I did ask if he thought I was controlling. That was my first mistake. But the honesty in his answer surprised me. He thought I tried to be controlling and told me so, without a hint of resentment or anger in his voice. Just stating facts.

My husband is like that with a lot of my flaws. He knows I’m high-strung. He knows I’m a workaholic. He knows I’m never satisfied, that things could always be better. It doesn’t faze him. Hopefully my good qualities balance these out, but for the most part, he understands that I have my flaws, just like he has his. We accept each other, inside and out, and for the most part, it works.

What about you? Do you accept your spouse for the person they are right now (flaws and all), and not the person you hope they will become? Speak your piece.

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.mrkingjames.blogspot.com King James

Cute Tara. Good stuff. Made me smile at the beginning.. maybe because I was picturing your face.

Hm.. good stuff.

What exactly does this mean, … “and for the most part, it works.”
?
CartersMom

I definetly accept my husband for the person that he his, he does have a few flaws that annoys the hell out of me but other than that he is a good person and that all that matters to me.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

@King James – Yeah, I bet my husband didn’t think it was too cute. LOL.

But when I said, “for the most part it works…” is that about 80% of the time, we recognize when we’re dealing with a flaw that the other person has. When I start trying to exert control over everything, my husband doesn’t fall for it. He simply says, “Is it important that you do it?” He’s very logical and even when I’m knee-deep in flawed behavior, it’s hard to fight his rationale.

And vice versa. Whenever I’m trying to move things along and he’s not moving at the speed that the task requires, I have to take a deep breath and remember that his “flaw” of always, always, always moving so slow and deliberately usually balances out my manic tendencies. LOL.
Yolanda (The Queen)

I will never forget when my husband used the word “regulate” in terms of my controlling side…it helped me to see me through his eyes! When you sincerely ask God to open your eyes in order to see your own flaws, then you won’t spend so much time (if any) focused on your spouse’s flaws. “Fix me Jesus, fix me…like you said you would…hey!”
Anna

My husband told me yesterday that I was controlling and that I always needed to be right.

Yup, you can tell how that conversation ended.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Priceless. I don’t think I am controlling, my flaw is being picky. Hubby had Thursday and Friday off work so I had a honey do list. Clean the aquariams and cut the grass, needless to say both got done yesterday. I wanted hubby to cut the grass so I wouldn’t get embarrassed because the neighbor would cut it. The neighbor did cut the front and I did not feel embarrassed, instead I got to laugh at hubby for not listening to his wife. One thing that a man does not like is for another man to cut his grass(especially if he has a wife) and a woman won’t allow another woman to cook for her hubby unless it’s family or friends. LOL.
Political Pete

LOL

“I can’t get too mad at him, because I did ask if he thought I was controlling.”

Yes! There is no good answer. It’s like asking, “Do I look fat in these jeans?” There is no correct answer. You just have to get ready to “take it” for at least 10 minutes. My father taught me at a young age to learn to apologize even when you are not wrong lol.
Staycee2

When my husband & I were in pre-marital counseling we were told by our pastor not to expect the other to change for the other. So there it is I except him for who he is (face value), but DAMN I wish he would change some of his ways!!!!!!!!!!! I know he feels the same way about me b/c I know I’m no way perfect at all.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

@Political Pete – Yes, my husband had every right to say if I was controlling since I did ask him, but dang, did he have to say I always have to be right, too? LOL.

@Staycee – If I had the choice to change one “flaw” of his I probably would. But I can live with it. His flaws are pretty minor when you get down to it, so it’s no biggie.
Political Pete

The doors aren’t open often, we have to get it in when we can lol.

Flaws and All

About the author

Facebook Fan Page

You Saved Me – DVD

Happily Ever After – DVD

Men Ain’t Boys – DVD

BMWK Classic Posts

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

BMWK Partners