For Worse

Working through the tough times BEFORE our marriage has taught me to have a greater appreciation for everything that we go through now. During our courtship, it seemed as though all we did was fight. Everytime I turned around it was SOMETHING. I remember being exhausted, and emotionally drained. We considered calling everything off more than a couple of times. I would sit and ask myself, “why am I putting up with this mess from this man?” It would have been easy for me to throw my hands up and declare defeat, but I knew that I had found my soul mate, and I was willing to put in the “work”…whatever that entailed. I can be a bit difficult to deal with at times, and I don’t easily give up in a good fight, but I learned how to be more patient, and above all…COMPROMISE. I learned how to forgive and how to step out of the box and look at the big picture as it really appeared.

It wasn’t until AFTER we got married that my husband sat me down and explained to me why he gave me such a hard time. He admitted that he treated me certain ways on purpose. He had me so agitated, half the time I didn’t know if I was coming or going. He said that he wanted to see for himself if I could hang in there with him. If I could tolerate his madness so to speak. Every other girl that he had dated walked away without giving it a chance. He had to know if I would do the same. He damn near drove me to insanity, but he also uncovered a strength in me that I didn’t even know existed.

I can honestly say now that the “work” has yielded sweet and bountiful rewards! I would do it all over again if I had to because this journey (so far) has made me the best ME that I could ever be!

How have your hardships strengthened your marriage?
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I had age on my side when I got married. You don’t fight over stupid stuff, that in its self is petty. The thing about not having alot of money is that when you get it and the recession happened, we already knew how to be poor from past experience. I see couples getting divorced due to hardship of the recession. I say if we have to change some of our habits due to the economy we will do it together. I have found through the years that when things get tough that it just brings hubby and I closer together because we figure it out together. I would rather be poor with hubby than rich without him. Someone mentioned “soulmate”. Hubby and I found that in each other. Each hardship is diffent and we tackle them together. There are some hardships that I can’t even imagine. A sick spouse and the medical bills mounting or a spouse losing their job due to the economy. I know how blessed I am but I also know I am not guaranteed anything and these things can quickly happen to us.
@LizV. Marriage can be hard if we make it hard. Sometimes one person sees things so differently. Harriet always says that she had to realize that she can’t change anyone but herself. I think sometimes when we try to better us that it is noticed and the trickle effects begin in others.

After dating for 4 years while living 3 of them in separate states we got married in 2000. Our parents were not able to come for the wedding (from Kenya). My mother passed away 7 months after the wedding and I thought my life was over due to grief. The only reason I came back to the US after the funeral was my husband and our marriage. That shock of death bonded us tighter than anything else would have. From that day, our difficulties have been viewed through a larger picture. My husband lost his stepmom and 2 brothers as well during our early years.

Tragedy does not have to pull couples apart – we can opt to fall into each other’s arms instead of falling away from each other. That’s one of the things I share with couples during my premarital counseling classes. The first year of marriage can be crazy good or crazy bad – if you stick it out to 5 years, you will be amazed at how far you’ve grown. We celebrated our 9th anniversary 2 weeks ago and we are thrilled about the 10th next year, we plan to celebrate it at home and do a safari God willing. If you are going through a tough time please hang in there – you are not alone and tons of couples are out here to encourage you. Don’t let trouble tear you apart.