Dear BMWK: He Left Without a Goodbye
Dear BMWK,
I need to reach out, I am so depressed and driving myself to pure insanity. I met my soul mate, a man that is true to me and what he gives is pure in heart. He is emotionally attentive. When he speaks to me I stand still because he is so intelligent. We have great passion for one another and the chemistry is off the chain. I was not looking for this man when he found me. He wasn’t even my type. It took some time for me to even figure out if I liked him. Being around him watching and listening to him made me fall for him. He is good to his mother and his 4 sisters, he helps all of his family and others, he puts himself last and I mean that literally. At the end of the day I am rubbing him down because he’s always so beat up from doing things for others. I admire that of him. He is a great uncle and great with my children.
We have had a great relationship up until recently, and this is why I am so devastated. Three weeks ago he told me that he had an emergency in NY with his older daughter who is 13. (He’s originally from NY) and he had to leave and see to her and he wasn’t sure when he would be back. This is a daughter that he talked to almost everyday but hadn’t seen in a long time. When he told me he only had a week before he left, those last few days was rough for both of us, he was stressed and I didn’t want him to go but I didn’t want to be selfish either. The last 2 days we talked and talked, it seemed like he wanted to break it off because he said he didn’t know when he would be back and he didn’t want ME to step off the boat and get “wet”. In the end we both agreed we could be faithful and would remain in a monogamous relationship.
The morning he was due to leave he said I would see him later to see him off. That afternoon I kept calling and got no answer so I left work early to make sure I saw him before he left. When I got there he was gone (we didn’t live together). I was crushed. Confused. He assured me I would see him before he left. He left without even saying Goodbye. 
It’s now been 2 weeks and still NO WORD from him. His phone goes straight to voice mail and his family says they have no idea where he is, he is grown and can do what he wants. That didn’t help me. I don’t know his ppl in NY. Since he left I have been so depressed, I can’t sleep, eat, I am so unmotivated. I am 34 years old and the last time I felt like this was in my early 20′s. It took allot for me to open up to this man and give him my heart, I had been hurt so much and we talked about all this, so he knew me opening myself was a HUGE step for me. I let my guard down and let him in. My females friends say MOVE ON! your beautiful and have allot going for yourself. However, I have met many guys who have it all but don’t offer me the mental, emotional and physical needs that I require a man to offer me. For me it’s not about money or looks. Been there done that. I never expected to fall hard like this and now that I did he has sort of vanished from my life. I try to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he lost his phone and all the numbers are in there. But I think he could remember his moms number to get a hold of me. I think maybe the situation with his daughter is such that he can only deal with that right now and don’t want to hear my mouth. The way he made it seem to me was that it was very serious situation to deal with. Please help me, I don’t know what to do or how to get hold of myself. I’ve waited so long for such a man as him it saddens me that it’s gone and I can’t seem to move from this depression. I have 4 kids at home (4-15y) and I am slacking off cause I am so depressed : (
I want to hear from everyone, but if you ladies have a man, ask them to give me some real man advice, I need to hear from the men and what they think is going on and what I should do. Do I wait as promised or being that he left the way he did and hasn’t called what that says for our so-called “relationship”
-Sad girl
HER VIEW:
If he does not have amnesia or has not been kidnapped, then he really does not have an excuse for such behavior. And it is good that you can see that he is capable of being so inconsiderate now rather than later. I am not going to focus on him or what he is thinking or what he is doing, because the focus really should be on you. It’s time to move on. With four kids, you need to focus on your emotional well being and the kids. You need to put all of your time and energy into your kids, into your relationship with God, into your finances, and into your emotional and physical health. With all of that going on, you will not have time for such foolishness from a man. Once you have yourself together, you will attract the type of man that you deserve. And God forbid that this should happen again. But if it does, you might be a little hurt at first. But then you are going to brush your shoulders off and keep it moving!!
HIS VIEW:
As many of you may have figured out normally I say how I feel but don’t go as far as to say whether or not you should stay or go because in marriages this is a very tough decision that could affect the rest of your life but in the case of a boyfriend……. You Need To Leave This Dude!
I’d like for the men to really chime in on this one, especially the married men. I’ll make this short and sweet, no guy that cares about being in a relationship with you is
A. Going to have a week’s notice that he has to leave and not tell you why.
B. Leave without saying goodbye.
C. Cut off all lines of communication.
The writing is on the wall that something isn’t quite right here, especially after the two of you agreed to maintain a relationship. In addition to this you say that this is having an effect on your own children. You need to get it together for them and for yourself and keep it moving.
BMWK family what do you think? Help Sad Girl out with your thoughts and opinions. Fellas, does this sound fishy to you? Let us know.
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