Black and Married With Kids.com – A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

You Remind Me Of My Jeep

Relationships

by  |  on August 19th, 2009  |  19 comments

jeep

By Eric Payne

When R. Kelly’s “You Remind Me Of My Jeep” first hit the airwaves I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. At the time I thought t was the most ridiculous song ever. But now as a married man maybe The R was onto something I simply couldn’t grasp back then.

Men who love their cars speak passionately about them and act with equal if not more passion when driving them, washing them, waxing them, etc. On any given weekend all across America you’ll see men of all shapes, colors and creeds pouring out their love for their cars, either on the streets or in driveways. Pampering to a fault inanimate hunks of gas-guzzling metal.

Interestingly the same isn’t true when it comes to people, specifically spouses. In public we typically proclaim our love. We may even brag about being married when someone asks or sees us with our kids. But the love we have in speech for our spouses might be leaps and bounds more than what we actually practice once at home. And wives are not exempt from this phenomenon. More than once I’ve overheard my wife speak lovingly about me to girlfriends, only for her to get home and leave me wondering if she had actually been talking about me.

Love is a verb, not a noun. All the men polishing their cars to a blinding shine prove that love is an action — an investment into something that gives direct and definite results — a beautiful ride. To take it one step further: if the car isn’t working properly, you don’t throw it away or abandon it. You find a specialist, otherwise known as a mechanic, typically the best your money can afford, to fix it.

I don’t believe nor advocate anyone running around looking at or singing about their wives and spouses as vehicles. However, I do wonder how much better off husbands and wives would be if we took a mere portion of that same love that we have for the things of our lives — things that can’t love us back — and applied it to the people who can?

BMWK, even if your relationship is great, if you’re not doing this, wouldn’t it be great to try and see what happens?

Check Eric out at MakesMeWannaHoller.com where living life as a man, dad and husband is a daily adventure.


About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.



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Comments (19)

  1. Bigmann Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    @Eric Payne: good article but I'm not exactly sure I'd side with you on this 100%. Men generally love cars but the extend to which each man loves his own car is very different than the other. And comparing the love we have for our cars to that of our women may not be exactly the best comparison in the world (to say it lightly). I see your point in general but as you put it "To take it one step further: if the car isn’t working properly, you don’t throw it away or abandon it. You find a specialist, otherwise known as a mechanic, typically the best your money can afford, to fix it". This depends on how much money you have. Not all men spend their time with a mechanic to fix their car. If it gives you so much trouble and you can afford it, you buy a new one. thats is having money and knowing which car you want and I wouldn't want to do that to my wife.
  2. LaKeyshaF Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    The deposits you make will yield withdrawels of equal or greater value (depending on the intrest accrued). And you can take that to the bank! Ok, i know, i'm a nut. But seriously, you get out what you put in, reap what you sow...too often we take our spouses for granted, investing our time elsewhere but expecting high yields at home.
  3. Harriet Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    E. Payne, I'm with Bigmann on this one. I think I take it personally, because that song came out my freshman year of college, and I absolutely ABHORRED it! I don't think I have the mental capacity right now to look beyond the song to actually glean from the article what you were trying to say. It just brings back bad memories. LOL But seriously, I understand the gist of what you're saying. However, the other end of the spectrum could backfire and cause a husband or wife to objectify their spouse, because it's easier to detach from an object than an actual human being. *shrug*
  4. E.Payne Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    All good points, Bigmann, LaKeyshaF & my homegirl, H. I definitely wasn't suggesting that anyone objectify their spouse, or wax them until there's a brilliant shine, LOL, but rather to just deposit similar energy into the one you love just like the love you deposit into the thing(s) that you love --- car, hobby, past time, whatever. Harriet - you're right about the song. I was definitely reaching, but hey it was worth a shot. Sometimes you just gotta reach...
  5. Bigmann Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    @ E Payne: I'm with you brotha. With the energy, man, you got some points there. We men sometimes put in very little but then expect big results. in as much as we need to help, I think women also need to see and appreciate men if we help in the household chores. On a personal level, my wife and I both are working couple with tight schedules. Sometime until recently, I was really into washing the dishes, sometimes cooking dinner whilst she prepares our little girl i,e bathing her etc making her ready for bed. Things became very confortable until she made me realised that she was taking my 'helping out' at home to be my new role and all that... straight from work, she's like 'I'm gonna take care of the baby so do what you do best'... So I called her, one fine day and said to her, darling, I love you and all that but what I do in the house is to relieve some of the stress you might go through when I make you do all those chores, etc etc... its not necessarily my new role. Now she understands so we are back to smooth roles at home where she knows I'm helping her out and I know (or hope) she appreciates. In a nuttshell, what I'm saying is each one should know what they are supposed to do by natural laws and then one should help out the other in love and appreciation.
  6. Khristal Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    Oh I just love it!!!! People sure dont think about it this way, but you make perfect sense. probably 95% of marriages would be GREAT if everything played out this way. I totally agree with you.
  7. Harriet Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    ROFL @ "wax them to a big shine." That was definitely a funny visual. Reach all you want, E. That's what separates the men from the boys in writing (so to speak). Shucks...it's a shame that half the people I know have never heard that song anyway. LOL! @ Bigmann There are times when I fall into the same rut as your wife as well. There has to be an agreement about the roles played in a relationship in order for that to work...it ebbs and flows with the seasons of our marriage. Since every marriage has its own heartbeat, the "natural laws" you talked about may be different from one relationship to another. Great idea for a story, by the way...I think I'll take it! :o)
  8. King James Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    the next line was 'i wanna ride it' .. correct? Any 'different' way to show love to a woman.. or have her feel loved is a good thing to women. They call it romance. Surely it won't be perfect nor cure everything.. but that's not romance's purpose. why else would we have Valentine's day... Women want variety.. not perfection
  9. Danielle Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    I reread the following paragraph several times Love is a verb, not a noun. All the men polishing their cars to a blinding shine prove that love is an action — an investment into something that gives direct and definite results — a beautiful ride. To take it one step further: if the car isn’t working properly, you don’t throw it away or abandon it. You find a specialist, otherwise known as a mechanic, typically the best your money can afford, to fix it. I think you're absolutely right, love is an action and a choice for all of us. What has been most important for me is learning how to love a person the way they need to be loved. And I thought about this when you mentioned the specialist.....now, I'm not for comparing women to vehicles....but the post certainly got me thinking. In regards to relationships and marriage, WE must become the specialists in loving our partners/spouses. We must research, study, and learn what they need from us and how our love can help them live their best life.
  10. Tiya' Wednesday - 19 / 08 / 2009 Reply
    Love this! It's not just the car, it's basically anything that you are devoting the majority of your time/energy/excitement to other than your spouse. I feel that. It's a must that we have that same passion and then some for the ones we love. Great article.