What would YOU do?

Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons.  You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.

• http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

  Okay, I’ll start things off because I thought it was a great question.

  What would you do if…
  Your spouse cheated on you?
  Your spouse was rendered paralyzed from the waist down in a terrible accident?
  Your child was diagnosed with a terminal illness?

  The only one I want to answer is the first one, because I honestly don’t know what I would do in the other two situations other than give them all that I have.

  Is it bad that I’ve thought about what I would do? I mean, I seriously have a outline and everything.

  So if he cheated, I need the specifics: who, what, where, how many times, how long, why? Then I need an apology.

  Then I need him OUT MY FACE. LOL.Don’t talk to me. For about a good month or two. Then we could talk. I’ll still be pissed. Depending on said details, I’ll have to give it more or less time.

  The only thing that works in that situation is prayer and time, I think. Forgiveness is hard work – you have to figure out if you’re willing to put in the effort…

• Anna

  A marriage can survive cheating but only if you both want it to. I don’t think it can survive if aomeone cheated with a in-law or a best friend. A paralized spouse or a terminally ill child is just one of those things that you have to take step by step, for better or for worse in sickness and in health. There is a special bond between a husband and wife and a mothers love for her child is unconditional. In the last two scenerios the spouse or the parent have to remember to ask for help physically and mentally to deal with their unfortunate circumstance. I pray that I don’t have to deal with any of these, but we have to remember that GOD is good and with him we can handle anything that comes our way.

• Anna

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• Donnette Dabney

  Truth be told, the black women cannot keep men because they push them away. Look at Michele Shaniqua Obama, she nearly kicked his high-yellow behing out of the house nearly 8 years ago because she was tripping on his career.

• Natural_Oasis

  @ Donnette Dabney, speak for yourself in regards to black women and our men! That is a very broad statement & I’m sure that all of us black women are not pushing our men away. You may want to do just a little more investigating before you make a statement such as that.

• http://harriet-canshesaythat.blogspot.com Harriet

  I thought this would be an article that fell by the wayside.LOL Thanks, Tara for making my point for me.

  These questions speak to premeditation. Of course, every situation is different, but I can’t tell you how many folks I know who have committed premeditated murder. LOL ‘I would KILL that so-and-so!’ Then they proceed for the rest of the day to treat their spouse as if that really happenedI.

  There are some situations that will come up in our relationships that we’ll have absolutely no control over. A spouse getting fired and being denied unemployment? A child being mistreated at school? Can’t act a fool over stuff. You have to be able to process the situation in a healthy manner.

  Personally, for the first situation, I’m not going all OJ Simpson on the hubby or the other woman (God forbid). I’m business as usual for the last two situations…praying without ceasing and believing God for the impossible. Persevering and leaning on the Lord until the change comes or until caskets drop.

  As far as the FLOTUS, if that tidbit of information is true, Ms. Dabney, that makes their relationship all the more real and endearing to me because of the internal AND external obstacles they have overcome, and are still together, to’ up in love with one another. All the rest of that negativity is put on ‘I’ (ignore).

• Staycee2

  First of all, Dabney take that negativity to another website and not this one! Apparently you don’t read this website on a daily basis, because it is truly a breath of fresh air. This website is where I come for peace & happiness and to learn something new everyday to apply towards my marriage and my family!

  I would be in shock if I found out my husband was cheating on me. I don’t THINK I could EVER forgive him. I would envision that what he’s done for her was only supposed to be for me, HIS WIFE!!!!!!!!!!! If he treated her anyway like he’s treated me that would be total violation! My husband treats me like a spoiled BEATCH in both the bedroom & as his wife!

  As for the other two situations, I would have to ask god for strength & do what was needed of me as a mother & wife!

• http://hotmail Barbara

  Seriously for a spouse to cheat what does it really mean. To have an affair takes a great amount of planning, usually a friend or family member is helping this person with the deception. Therefore, someone you probably trust know your spouse is a liar and they don’t care about your feelings. First of all the mind has to accept the fact that you are putting your relationship on the line. One must be prepared to lose the spouse if or when the affair has been revealed. Considering you find out and he knows you may decide to leave him. Your cheater really don’t care about the relationship you two have, because the fear of losing you would keep him from cheating. I know you would like to thing he made a mistake, but really he played you and knew your love for him would not allow you to lose him.
  Love keep you and your spouse faithful to each other. An affair will not make your relationship better, it will destroy your trust and once you have lost trust you relationship is over.
  Hey don’t believe, “it the dog in me”, “he’s just a man”, “he will not do it again”, “he’s sorry, he loves you and need you”, he should have thought about that before he betrayed you.
  Oh! by the way you will hate the woman, the friend, the family member forever. Quest what, they never promised you anything, it’s not them you should hate, it’s him! Don’t allow yourself to be used and mistreated like that. You need to do what is best for you and your children, if there is any.
  We stay in relationships that has been taunted for various reasons, but the main reason is we think we need that person. I’ll tell you what you need, kick that losser to the curb, send him back to her, pick up you self-esteem off the ground, get children, spousal support and a job and move on down the road. You love yourself more anyone else can.

• Sue

  After 23 years of marriage I find these types of questions -interesting but..No I would not leave my husband if he cheated on me. I would be upset. I would probably “make his life a living hell” (our in-joke) for awhile and then I would forgive and move on.

  My husband had cancer at the age of 39. I almost lost him. I had to work and take care of the kids myself. Our families were a terrific support but I realized how much I relied on him for day to day things with the kids or work as well as for emotional support.

  After he got better we had problems with our sex life. I admit I was having fantasies about other guys and even developed a serious work crush. I didn’t do anything but when I told him he was hurt. He forgave me and that prompted us to go back to the doctor and address his physical/sex issues. The sex is better than ever now. But now I am ill-I have lupus-so he is taking care of me and my ups and downs.

  That’s what marriage is-the fun and romance yes-but the most important is having a life partner to share your joys and sorrows with. That other person to hold you up when you can’t go any further.
  ha