The Casket Dropped–Profile of a True Marriage

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on September 18th, 2009 | 12 comments

swayze

by Harriet Hairston

Patrick Swayze and Lisa Niemi were neither black, nor did they have kids, but their marriage exemplifies just about everything a loving relationship should entail. Upon hearing of Mr. Swayze’s death, so many stories arose about his life and accomplishments. Most of the time, you find that a person is just as inept in their personal lives as they are successful in their professional endeavors. Yet in the case of Mr. Swayze and his wife Lisa Niemi, I found that they had their cake and were able to eat it, too…all the way until his casket dropped.

They had:

Longevity: They met when she was 16 years old and a dance student of his mother’s. They were married three years later on June 12, 1975. My own parents were married on July 5, 1975, so I wasn’t even thought of then!

Friendship: He stated that “we were friends for a long time before we became lovers. We even lived and slept togther for a year before we had sex. That wasn’t easy.” I’m sure it wasn’t, but after 34 years of marriage, it was worth it.

Survival: After two miscarriages didn’t tear them apart, Patrick Swayze’s addiction to drugs and alcohol tried to. But with tough love and a resolve to make their marriage work, they fought through it, and in the end, they both won over severe grief and strain.

Humor: Patrick Swayze stated that “I like being married. I’m sort of like a loyal sheepdog, sometimes to a fault.” Loyalty, humor and enjoying one another’s company is definitely a plus!

Partnership: They raised horses together, ran a music business and wildlife preserve together. All of the above, on top of their music and dance careers were quite successful.

Vision: They realized that when one of them lost, they both lost; yet when one of them won, both of them were rewarded for the hard work and dedication. Swayze said of his wife, “She’s a huge inspiration. She never lost the vision, and I did.”

I could go on and on. After reading about their marriage, my heart breaks for Ms. Niemi and her huge loss. I pray for her ability to mourn in a healthy manner and be able to move on in due time. The love she shared with her husband truly exemplified “For better or worse; for richer or poorer; in sickness and health; till death do you part.”

The casket for Patrick Swayze dropped, but the love he and his wife shared will live on eternally.

BMWK, after reading about their marriage, what kinds of lessons about marriage can you glean from it? Have you ever had to deal with some of the tragedy that the Swayzes had to endure? If so, how did you respond/react? If not, what do you think you will do should issues like that arise (God forbid)? Finally, what was your favorite Patrick Swayze movie?

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons. You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

Dope article, Harriet. I loved all your lessons.

Whenever I hear about someone losing their partner of however many years, it hurts my heart. But I do hope that she is able to store those memories and bring them out one at a time when she needs comfort.
michele

Soothing article. There are many lessons to be learned…it appears that they had great patience and love for each other. Unfortunately, my husband and I have lost two children, one to miscarriage, and our only daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks (3 years ago). It was a test of faith for the both of us, but with prayer and communication with each other we got through it. There were a lot of days where I was completely silent and my husband was right there to comfort and assure me that everything would be okay. He knew what I was feeling and I didn’t have to say anything. It was a very tough loss, but it brought us even closer than we already were. My heart is heavy for Ms. Niemi, but I know she will get through this….my guess is that Patrick would want her to.

I have to say that there’s a tie between my favorite Patrick Swayze movies….Roadhouse and Next of Kin.
http://babybumping.blogspot.com Aja

Beautiful Article. It is very touching to hear about a couple, especially a Hollywood couple that have been able to go through so much and stay together. I feel very sad for his wife and her loss, but happy to see a love that truly did last a lifetime. I am a big Patrick Swayze fan so it’s hard for me to choose but I’m going to say Ghost followed by To Wong Foo.
http://www.seeinsideofme.blogspot.com simply beautiful

Beautiful article. I am single, so I have not experienced any of the above, however I have watched many of my family and friends’ marriages. I must say that Mr. Swayze and Ms. Niemi had an incredible relationship..something that is not ordinary for anyone of any race. I pray that I will be able to experience such love from a partner in my lifetime.
My favorite movie is ‘Dirty Dancing’. I just love the way he moves.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com Ronnie

Great Post Harriet!!! I had no idea that Patrick Swayze had such a great marriage. May he rest in peace!!
http://www.blackwivesclub.wordpress.com Tiya’

Harriet, this is so well written. Their story did break my heart, but also inspired me. I love what they had together. I watched my mom take care of and be by the side of my dying step-father 2 years ago and it was so hard to watch. But I think what comforted her most during that lost is knowing that she was the best wife she could be and that she added to his life. I think that’s the purpose of all of our relationships is to make sure we are adding to our partner’s life. Okay, have to grab the kleenex now
Lynn

My parents were married for 39 years. They were together for 46. She took care of him till he died of cancer last year. My parents had all that Patrick and Lisa had.
I strive to have my marriage like that. My DH smoked for 25 years, he is now suffering from emphysema, He gets regular screens for lung cancer. If he get a cold it could lead to something much worse. I have got through LCIS, Have had 2 breast surgeries. and 4 biopsies. and I am not 40 yet.

I often think that I might lose him or he may lose me one day. I cannot say what I will do, I can only hope I handle it with grace and dignity.

Fav Patrick Swayze movie “Roadhouse”
Harriet

Look at all these examples of the reality behind “Happily Ever After!”

The reality is that as sure as we are born, eventually we will also die (or get caught up…one or the other).

@ Michele, I can’t even imagine what it must be like to go through something like that. I’m sure you went through periods where you blamed yourself (knowing that it wasn’t your fault, but it’s still a mental knee jerk reaction), but it’s a blessing to know that your husband was able to walk you through that kind of tragedy.
Harriet

@ Tiya, my parents were married for 28 years, 10 of which my father was in and out of the hospital with complications from his diabetes. My mother nursed him, ensured the doctors were treating him with dignity, when he had a stroke, she bathed him and prayed over him until he recovered…that’s the ugly side of love that very few want to have to deal with.

I lost my pops, which is one thing, but she lost her best friend, partner, confidante, protector, etc. It was difficult to see her mourning like that.

Yet now, seven years later, she is able to laugh more than she cries when she thinks about him. It amazes me that the memories of their love carry her now.

They say they don’t make them like that anymore, but “Happily Ever After” has proven that wrong.
Harriet

@ Lynn,

I’m definitely praying for you and your husband. Although your diagnoses are dire, I believe in and have seen the miraculous take place in situations like that. Please don’t give up. It’s not over until your casket drops. )
http://designsdelight.com speak

wow I did not even know he had a wife, it sound like it was a very sound relationship, very inspirational
Anna

Thanks Harriet. I am a fan of Partick Swayze and apprecated the love that he and his wife Lisa shared. Their marriage was of endurance, love and lots of understanding. My fav Patrick Swayze moving is Dirty Dancing and Ghost.(why pic one when they are both number one to me) I will add since this is kind of trivia for some that did not know he was married for so long, I read a book in Jr High called “The Outsiders”. (It was written in 1967) and made into a movie, it aired in 1983, that is really how Mr. Swayze got discovered. I have read the book many times and saw the movie almost as many timse. Many people are now known stars because of that movie. (let google do the walking to know what I am talking about). RIP for Mr. Swazye, and I am mourning myself. Not to out do a post for Mr. Swayze but my youngest and I are watching “Happily Ever After”. Movies move you, books move you and a web site is for us to expres ourselves. It is nice for me to know that this site is not as I knew it was not from the start,(just for black ppl.) To The Mom & The Dad(Ronnie, Bobby, Rickey and Mike) LOL you know I had to do that. Thank You for keeping it real. I am on the part in your doc about absent fathers. I love both of you like you are family. Pat yourselves of the back. I know times are hard but I will buy the hanging Santa Socks to stuff this DVD for grown folks on my list for Christmas. They can come over to view my copy but I will not part with it. I will buy each their own to view and review.