Dear BMWK, How Old is Too Old?

What do you want? Do not base your happiness on what you think your family might say.

There no such thing as to old, if you are in love.

The only challenge I can think is if you’re looking to get married and want to eventually have children, but the gentleman doesn’t. Otherwise, what Singlikesassy said.

Now let me caveat that…if you’re trying to get in a brother’s pockets, feeding him fruit cocktail, being nice to him so he can put you in his will because he’s two steps from the grave…you’re just wrong for that. LOL!!!! Just kidding.

I’m 33. My husband of 3 years is 19 years my senior. I’ve always been mature for my age, so it was no surprise to family and friends when they learned how old he was, despite his relatively youthful appearance. The heart of the matter is this – with him, I can be the person I want to be, and he loves and respects me for who I am. Having realized that early in the relationship, why would I let something as superficial as age deter me from a shot at being truly happy? I decided that life was too short to sweat the small stuff and married him.

My advice to you is this – date someone who will appreciate you for who you are. None of us really know how our lives will turn out. You could marry someone that’s “social acceptable” (e.g., right age, right height, right income) and he could turn out to be a complete dud. If the person happens to be “significantly” older than you, so be it. As long as you’re both comfortable being with each other and you’re on the same page in terms of what’s important to you in the relationship (e.g., children, religion, etc.), why should age matter?

Julia Roberts’ character in Steel Magnolias stated it best – “I would rather have 20 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”

the last two men i dated were older than me by about 9 years (i’m 38). i noticed that older men are much more gallant and know how to treat a lady. they asked me about on dates –like come to your house, ring the doorbell, and ensure you get home safely — dates. they were much more respectful of our time together.

they definitely did not play headgames and were quite willing to state up front what they were looking for in a relationship. both were very adamant that they did not want children, however they were both open to being married.

i’ve found that younger guys often want a strange type of “situation” that involves them getting all the perks of a relationship, but not putting in any work for a relationship.

Hey, in general everything said above is right on, but let me play devil’s advocate:

I’ve been married 16 years and one thing that’s been cool is my wife and I share life’s experiences together. We got married in our early 20s and we are 1 year apart in age. She always told me how she had dated a 30 year old guy when she was in High school. As a man in his very late 30s I know that the only thing I would want from a high school girl is exactly what you all think I’d want. The life a girl is experiencing is totally different than what a man 20 years senior is going through.

Life’s a journey and it’s important for each to be be on the same page. The important stuff for a 16 year old – the life lessons, experiences, questions and challenges are ZERO of what the nearing middle-aged guy is going through on his journey.

Now, when you’re in your 30′s and he’s in his 50s, at least you’re both adults (unlike the story above). But still, I wonder how you can really share all the new experiences, challenges, questions you’ll have when your man has long ago dealt with all that. Also, how will you be able to share in his journey with the questions of getting old?

Life has stages and I think it is really great to have both people sharing the journey together (even if they are 5-10 years apart max). Older than that, and I think each person is at stages that are really too different to really call sharing it. The older man can tell you what he did when he was at that stage 20 years ago, but he’s not really there with you now. As the important issues in both your lives come up, they will continue to be different and out of wack.

Sure you can probably have a loving relationship – even marriage with anyone one regardless of age. But if you want a real partner to share the journey of like, you would probably do better with a man wo is next to you – not 20 years up in front of you!