Marriage Is More Than Just Work

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on September 23rd, 2009 | 25 comments

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by Aja Jackson

In the months leading up to our wedding, my husband and I received a lot of advice about marriage from married folks. The advice that they gave varied a little, but there was one thing that I heard over and over: marriage takes work. While knowing that there was work involved was helpful, only hearing about the work sometimes felt a little disheartening. I started to wonder, after all of that work, was there anything fun about marriage?

I know that I have only been married for two years, but I’m still waiting on the constant drudgery that I heard so much about prior to our nuptials. When I think about the other things that I have to do on a daily basis, marriage, quite honestly, is probably the easiest. No, marriage is not all roses and romance all the time, but so far it’s easy a whole lot more than it is hard. It does take work, there’s no doubt about that, but most of the time even the work doesn’t feel so bad especially in comparison to the work involved in doing things like cleaning the house or getting the kids to bed or actually going to work every day.

In order to keep our marriages happy, it is important to be aware of the potential issues, but it’s also important to focus on the positive. In honor of this I decided to make a list of the top five reasons why I love being married:

1. I always have a date: Being married I never have to worry about being bored and alone on a Saturday night. Even if it’s just ordering subs and watching a movie, I always have something to do and somebody to do it with.

2. I can eat good food without cooking it: I am fortunate to have a husband who loves to cook and is good at it. After a long day, nothing feels better than being able to eat a home cooked meal without putting in any effort. Don’t have a cook for a spouse? Maybe your spouse is the best mechanic, or housekeeper, or poopy-diaper changer. The point is that having another “half” means that you can get everything done while only doing half of the work.

3. I always have a shoulder to cry on: And a hand to hold, and arms to hug me when I need it, and someone taller than me that can get something down off of a shelf that’s out of reach. Being married means that I always have someone there for me, even if it’s just to tell me that everything is going to be alright when there’s nothing else to say.

4. Sex is Better: Yes, I know this is contrary to everything that you’ve ever heard. Being married is supposed to take away all of the mystery, leaving your sex life, well, dull. But..(clearing my throat so that I can talk about this openly) those mysteries like “Is he going to call me?” “Will he respect me in the morning?” “Is this going anywhere?” “Does he have a disease?” or “Is he just plain old crazy?” don’t really exist in a marriage leaving room to let go of your inhibitions. Being a wife means that you can do or say whatever you want in the bedroom, and not worry about whether he’s going to tell his boys.

And Finally,

5. Every night I get to have a sleep over with my very best friend: And really, what could be more fun than that.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Baltimore, MD. She is author of the blog www.babybumping.blogspot.com and can be reached at ajadorsey@hotmail.com.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.wisdomswork.com DonielleMichele

My husband and I always say our marriage is pretty easy, we were truly meant for each other. There’s not a day that we don’t share a good laugh or chase each other around the house….lol! We are big kids, yes, but we also are there for each other. He is truly my best friend and we talk about EVERYTHING openly. We have been married for a little over 4 years and WE STILL…….
**We Still by Tamia – “We still run around like teenagers even though we’re grown and married with kids……I’m gonna ride with him to the wire, our love is never gonna end we’re on FIRE…..We STILL….”

Wisdom’s Work by Donielle Michele
http://www.wisdomswork.com
“Because a woman of pure beauty deserves the accessories to match.”
busybodyk

“Every night I get to have a sleep over with my very best friend: And really, what could be more fun than that.”

This is exactly what I say to my husband!
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara

Great article! I do think marriage is a lot of work but that’s over a period of time. After 25, 30 years you’ll look back and say, “We went through a few storms, but we made it!” I don’t think the hard work is so apparent in the day-to-day comings and goings.

I looked at my husband yesterday and smiled so hard my cheeks hurt because I was so happy that I was fortunate enough to marry him. Lord knows he can push my buttons but there’s no one else I’d rather be with. No one. And that’s really amazing when you think about it.

Again, great article! I’m going to have to check out your blog…was that there before?
Tamika

UGHHHH I love this Aja! I am totally feelin you on everything (my hubby doesn’t cook but he is still my right hand)…The support, love and fun companionship cannot be matched! It’s always great having someone to come home to and of course, being with your BEST friend is always great. Marriage is work, but LIFE is work. I mean if you think about it…ladies and gents dating is work. I mean when I stopped dating I was SUPER ready to stop. Dudes had worn me out. I was tired of being disappointed over and over. It is a lot of work and hard work. I’m sure we have all dated someone that wanted to play games, or someone that you put a lot of energy into and it turned out to be a waste of time. Think back to your single days…Marriage is so much more easier than dating…the rewards are also far more greater!
http://whyte23.blogspot.com/ Whyte23

Happy 22nd Marriage Anniversary to the sexiest woman on this here Earth!

” I just want to be your friend” Yes, sir Friends before anything else. I learned her favorite color, hopes & dreams, goals, perfume, movie actors, books and the author names, candy bar, music artists, she is a big die-hard NFL Oakland Raiders Fans still until this day, her styles of likes and dislikes etc…..you name it I learned it. See ladies and gentleman I learned that word “Intimacy” for some women not speaking on behalf of all women (of course) Emotional Intimacy is a need of IN-TO-ME-YOU-SEE. Women want a man that is into the complete package of who they are.
I kept it simple and short to the main focus point “HER”….yes, it took some work but guess what?
I got her on August 29, 1987 we got married as husband & wife.

I would like to share this poem that I’ve written for her years ago….Corny, but it’s from my heart (don’t use it tomorrow).

To My Queen Gloria…..
I choose you to be my lover and my best friend, because you’re the one I can always depend on.
You hold my hand, you wipe my tears, but most of all you calm my fears.
You make me laugh and sometime cry, but I know we will never say goodbye.
I choose you now this time in my life, and commit forever to be your husband.
I choose you because you are my lover and ” BEST FRIEND” to this statement there is no end.

Thank you for sharing this excellent article….I loved it!
MissJay

LOVE this article!! My soon to be (in 3 days) hubby is a graduate of Johnson and Wales, so he can definitely cook. But we share that responsibility. It’s so much better having that other person there. But I’ll be able to tell yall how I like married life in a few days LOL
Harriet

AWESOME piece, Aja! This one is perfect for Jonesi…I hope she gets a chance to read it soon. And MissJay, I’m excited for you, too!!!

Anyway, I’m one of the ones who honestly felt like marriage was a lot of work when I first got married. Our first couple of years were from HELL. LOL

But as the years have gone by (we’ll celebrate 5 years next month), it has gotten sweeter and sweeter as the days go by. I’m so grateful for that.

Personally, I wasn’t telling people how much work marriage took. I was telling them my story and how it didn’t have to be their story if they maintained wisdom and balance in their relationships.
http://www.babybumping.blogspot.com Aja

Thanks everyone for all of the great feedback. Tara, I’ve had the blog for a while but I don’t think I included it at the end of all of the previous articles. I’ve been pretty bad at keeping it updated but I’m working on getting better!

Whyte23, your poem has me feeling all mushy and emotional while I’m supposed to be working.*tear*
http://whyte23.blogspot.com/ Whyte23

Ms. Aja..thank you for sharing..I love your work….please keep writing it’s help other freelance writers to share wonderful dialogue of topics.

Marcus Whyte23
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

@Whyte23- congrats on the anniversary

@Aja – great article. I actually don’t like when people give you that advice because that may not necessarily be the case. Our marriage has been easy, the only thing that’s hard at times is dealing with the people around it, LOL. When you’re about to get married people put so much negative stuff on you about what you’re in for. My advice is don’t listen to the advice.
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com Lamar

@MissJay- forgot to say Congrats to you, hit us up when you get back from the honeymoon with the wedding details
MrsT

Whyte23 I love your formula for intimacy, you are on point! Forwarding to my husband immediately!
JaclynB

My husband is truly my best friend and soul mate. We share the same mind, the same heart. Everything I see, I see his love,and everything I hear, I hear his love. Its so wonderful to get to a place like that in your relationship. I’m looking forward to many more years with him. This is the best and most fun “work” I have ever had!
jazzymom

My marriage has been a lot of work. For those that got married too early or for the wrong reasons like me we had to really ‘work’ at it. I think that’s what people mean when they say marriage is work. It’s when your tired, disappointed, in pain, feeling weak and the devil is attacking you and your family, can you still be strong? I was not married to my best friend so we started to drift apart and we did not have those things. I watched movies alone, I went most places with our kids alone, and I felt very alone. But then we started to work at, read books, go to counselors, and re-date again. I started to lean on God and then I realized that God has to be my best friend first. Now I can say I am married to my best friend and boy is life now sooooo sweet! I can say yes that is true to everyone of your points!
http://forsakeofargument.blogspot.com A.S.

joining the long list of cosigners…. great piece
nayonowen

i remember when my marriage was easy. i felt blessed and wondered why so many of my friends were going through hard times. well i have to say now that i am on going on my 17th year, marriage is now hard. i just know that my best friend is now a stranger. i guess we all change and go through different levels in our lives, but i find myself not wanting to go through it with him. i am staying in prayer and hopefully we will come through this and get back on easy street. lol. yes, now i understand marriage is really a job and if i want to keep my job and have to give 100%
Candace Littles

So many talk to me about marriage because I have been in a rough one for 16 years and now I have a really good 2nd one. But there seems to be so many similar concepts I keep hearing. I hear so many that say marriage is such hard “WORK”. The “work”part of marriage is keeping the household organized, parenting together, keeping the family money straight, making proper decisions for the whole family. It should not be “work” to spend time with your mate, it should not be “work” taking the time to help out around the house, it should not be “work” to help with the kids, it should not be “work” to put a meal together, it should not be “work” to come home at a respectful time, last but not least it should not be so much “work” to “NOT” be sleeping with other people. If you have to “work” at any of these things then the concept of marriage is not the problem.
Yolanda (The Queen)

A wise man said that if the husband gives 100% and the wife gives 100% then both spouses are taken care of in the marriage!
LLC

loved the article
TweeDee

This article was great and like MissJay, I will be married in 3 days. So I will keep these things in mind as I have for a while now. We’ve been together over 10 years but decided to tie the knot this year. Very exciting times!
http://calebsmom112.blogspot.com Shawnte

I love this article. I wish I could talk so positive about my marriage. We’re going through the new addition to the family blues, but I’m learning to appreciate what I do have even if its not what I want. Thanks for the inspiration.
MissJay

@Lamar and Harriett thanks!!!

@tweedee- congratulations!!! We will have the same anniversary! Good luck and I’ll be praying for you!
THB13

THIS ARTICLE EXPRESSES SO MUCH TRUTH, WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 19 YEARS AND I WOULD NOT CHANGE ANY OF THEM.(THE TRIALS/THE TRIUMPHS HAVE MADE US WHO WE ARE)I CAN RELATE TO SO MUCH IN THIS ARTICLE, BEING A COOKING HUSBAND(IN THE KITCHEN AS WELL AS IN THE BEDROOM)(SMILE)ALLOWS MY WIFE A LITTLE ME-TIME, SHE CAN INTERACT WITH THE KIDS WITHOUT HAVING TO RUSH GETTING DINNER READY. I LOVE HER DEARLY, SHE IS THE JOY OF MY LIFE(APART FROM MY FAITH IN GOD)MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK QUEEN MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME…PEACE
Yolanda (The Queen)

Go on with yo’ bad self then, THB13!
Kimberly

Aja, I loved this article it was great! Marriage is one of the best things that God created. No matter what we have gone through I know he is the one that God made for me! After almost 5 years of being married and a 2yr old and 1yr old I know that my husband is the best!! He provides, cooks, cleans, and helps me take care of the kids. Nothing better than a teamplayer, and I have that and more in my hubby. I love you baby!

Marriage Is More Than Just Work

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