Why You Need To Have a Date Night

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on September 14th, 2009 | 9 comments

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by Tara Pringle Jefferson

Before we had kids, I took our dates for granted. I would think nothing of it when my then-boyfriend, now-husband suggested we hit Olive Garden on Friday, or swing by the local Mexican joint on a Saturday.

Now? We have to find a babysitter, get them there (or have them come over), find some decent going out clothes to throw on, and that’s if we’re not too tired from working all week.

But when we do manage to go out, it’s magic. It reminds me of why I fell for him in the first place – why we still work together after all these years, two kids and a mortgage. We try to get out at least once a month, twice if we can swing it.

It’s in those moments that we can truly catch up, without the noise, the distractions, the pressures of being Mommy and Daddy. We’re just Tara and Thomas and it’s in those moments that we truly shine. When he lets me order a dish I haven’t tried before, he’s always willing to let me nibble at his plate when it turns out I hate it. It’s the little things like that that remind me how caring he is. Those things usually get drowned out by the cries of “Mommy, Mommmmmmy!”

BMWK family – how often do you have date night? Do you wish you were able to do it more? What’s keeping you from doing it?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (9)

busybodyk Monday - 14 / 09 / 2009 Reply

My husband and I have a weekly date night and we look forward to it. We don't have any kids but we think its important to spend at least one night a week together to puposely shower each other with undivided attention (no cell phones) and have fun. Sometimes we go out to dinner and a movie, a play, bowling, spa, etc...
King James Monday - 14 / 09 / 2009 Reply

Once a week? Cool... the no cell phone part is great. I'm interested to know how often folks who are recession conscious go out.. someone suggested to me once every two weeks and I think that's too much. lol. but I am a dude and don't really care for paying someone else to make food when we both can make food at home for cheaper. And yeah yeah.. i know there's other purposes... So that's why I wanna know how often yall think is 'OK'.. normal.. and suggested.
Tara Monday - 14 / 09 / 2009 Reply

@King James - See, once we had kids, we started making our date nights happen at home, but the problem was that you didn't take it as seriously, or we weren't able to. Because there's still toys everywhere, you're listening to hear if the kids wake up crying, you actually had to make the effort to cook dinner like every other day, etc. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy our date nights at home, but I also love going out to a nice restaurant - it's a treat!
Dedra Monday - 14 / 09 / 2009 Reply

Date nights are important to help a couple reconnect. My husband I usually try to do at least two a month. We have a 13 year-old and he is a great sitter for 2 hours.
Shawnte Monday - 14 / 09 / 2009 Reply

Even in this here recession, date night can be done. Here in Chicago there are alot of free events that you can go to and have a nice time out with your signicant other. You need it, cause after a while of not doing it. THe connection is lost. Even if its a walk in the park. Everyone needs time away, as well as time alone to connect with yourself :-)
Anna Wednesday - 16 / 09 / 2009 Reply

@ Tara, when my kids were little we had at home date night. My sis would watch the kids and we would buy them a pizza and as long as there was a tv with cable and dvds(and put them in a different room) it was the cheaper way out I missed my kids so much going out on a date that it was hard to enjoy it. @King James, even in a recession date night is very important. It's not always about where you go but that you go. Date night for me has to include dinner(or usually is dinner, after I eat and get full I want to come home). There are many places to eat with great menu prices, like Olive Garden, Red Lobster and I am not ashamed to go to places where you buy one meal and get one 1/2 off. Date night for us is once a month but usually more than that. To me going to Home Depot can be a date. As long as there is communication no matter where we are to us it's time spent together and to me that's a date, planned or spontanious. Yes I can be a cheap date. Way off topic: @ Harriet. I am reading a book that I borrowed from my mom-in-law called "The Power Of A Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. I am only a few pages into it, but immediately thought of you.
Funkidivagirl Thursday - 17 / 09 / 2009 Reply

Unfortunately my husband and I really don't have a date night "just because". We don't haven't found sitters that we trust and while our family lives here, they aren't very available, so we just use them when we have a school event to go to. I miss the fun that we used to have together.
tsmith Saturday - 19 / 09 / 2009 Reply

i'm 26 years old me and my husband have been together for 10 years we have an 6 year old and a 3 years old i was a stay at home mother for both of them until this past august our 3 year old went off to school i look forward to our date night it was so important and still is to have that time where the kids are not talked about but you and him relax and your only concern for just afew hour are just u and him its vital to a relationship to not forget how the kids and the marrage came about
Tiffany Thursday - 24 / 09 / 2009 Reply

Date night is very important. New scenery...time to reconnect without the hustle and bustle of home life. Without date night, you tend to forget what brought you together in the first place. Breaking the daily routine is a must to keep the romance