Comments on: When Someone Cheats, Who’s To Blame?

By: Gilliam1036

Gilliam1036 — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 19:38:00 +0000

If you are that weak that you can’t communiate to your spouse about it, then divorce. This doesn’t give you a pass to cheat, just get out of the relationship. Cheating is not the answer, period, and I can’t believe you would make a statement such as that. If you are not adult enough to confront the issue with your spouse instead of laying up with another woman, then you shouldn’t be married in the first place.

By: sadie

sadie — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 04:43:00 +0000

I just went through this in my marriage. I blame both my spouse and the other woman. I agree with Elizabeth Edwards. This woman knew my husband was married and knew me. She coveted our life and thought she could just take it. She was also willing to accept whatever part of it he could give her. She needed to not only have respect for our marriage, but respect forherself. In most marriages, there are times when one or the other may not be happy, but that is life, if you take a vow with another person and God, you need to try to work it out inside the commitment and not outside. This affair, which both parties now see as a mistake, affected my life, the life of my children, her children and now the child they share together. They both will have to answer to God for what they did. God is the final judge but I blame them both.

By: brittney

brittney — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 02:26:00 +0000

*than

By: Brittney

Brittney — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 02:24:00 +0000

If your spouse is not fulfilling your needs and you would rather seek else where to get your fix tan I feel out of respect for your spouse and your lover leave your spouse. It’s not right for them to suffer and go through all that hurt because you decided to step out on them. If you want to cheat but you care to much about your spouse go seek marriage counseling maybe that will improve your marriage and cure your nasty little cheating habits.

By: Simmonz

Simmonz — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 18:08:00 +0000

Anna, I also really admire you for your courage and your determination to make your marriage work in spite of the initial transgression. I myself have been in your husband’s position as a “victim” and I detects he really loves you in more ways you know. Please stop beating up on yourself and concentrate on the future for your family because you have weathered a great storm behind you now and you have such an excellent partner to share a glorious future with. My ex didn’t have your courage and ironically I am glad she came out and displayed her selfishness and shallowness even after 20 yrs.of I thought was a good marriage. GOD showed me who she was and I am the better man in spite of it and I have real happiness without her. I could still be in tht marriage now assuming all is OK! You are one of the lucky ones.

By: Simmonz

Simmonz — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 17:48:00 +0000

Jessica I really like your maturity and wisdom on this subject. Infidelity opens up a wide disparity of thoughts, feelings, emotions and knowledge but absolutely must have some groundings in spiritual values. Without that we are all just pontificating our own cognitive dissonance. In other words we are just “tripping out” on our own rationalizations.
When we marry in a church and/or religious ceremony we forget there are vows based in front of the people involved with that event that we need to refer back to for answers and guidance. Otherwise why get married in church except for the putting on an event? Don’t say those vows if you cannot live up to them and when there is a breakdown go to the nearest source ( ministers and/or counselors) for the right help one needs. Many of us cannot be running around here guessing who is to blame and where to find fault. As selfish entities we aren’t supposed to rely upon our own weak impulses for answers but should higher sources for what has become to commonplace these days.

By: Simmonz

Simmonz — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 17:28:00 +0000

Tony I think you are going to get a lot of disagreement on this one. There is a big difference between bearing some responsibility for not meeting your loved one needs and bearing the fault of being a “victim” of your other’s cheating. A big gap in the middle Tony! Within the bible one does not have license even to go out and cheat after being cheated upon. I think the issue was more along the lines of who’s to blame between the cheater and the one they are cheating with. In some states there has been legal precedents established to find liability with the party participating along with the cheating spouse as “party to lost of affections for the injured spouse”. Let’s stay on track here and focus on people taking responsibility for their own guilt.

By: Used and Abused

Used and Abused — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:02:28 +0000

Sorry, this also goes with my previous comment, I cheated a year and a half after I was married and my first kid was born.

By: Used and Abused

Used and Abused — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:58:31 +0000

Hi, all. I’m new to this site and I’ve read some of the comments posted and to Anna. I am married and have children. I’ve been married for more than five years and I can say that with repentance in my heart and shame engraved in it as well, that I cheated on my wife once a year and a half later, even though I did and am not at all proud of my actions, it was in a state of un-belief and total neglect that I did so stray away. I had been lied to, treated like nothing I had to say or anything that I did for our family was truly appreciated, even in spite of always trying to do what was right, I was always with my kids. I had my brief fling thrown in my face often,and was destroyed when she cheated on me more than once and yet I still try to stand for me and my kids, because they are what keeps me smileing. In a relationship you must be able to communicate, be truthful, and you should never overlook the needs or wants of your significant other or they will feel neglected or in my case, be treated as they weren’t important enough and thrown away.

By: Anna

Anna — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 16:51:40 +0000

Thanks for the link Harriet. If anyone knows me from this site, I have always been honest , real and raw. I was the wife who cheated. I am far from proud of what I did. My hubby did not know I cheated until I told him. I felt like a woman with the “A”/gulity word written on my forehead. And I needed to tell him. Why did I tell him when I know that he would have never found out? I could not live with the guilt and at the time our marriage (to me) was over before it started. (I know I was selfish and had nothing to lose). I wanted attention from an ex. I got that attention which led to sex. To me cheating was never about the sex but a familiar man. I did not have a goal to have sex with a ex, but I got married fast. I know I hurt my husband and I do not want to ever see the hurt and pain that I caused him by my stupidy/selfishnesss. My husband told his mother what I did. She told him: Go back home and work it out”. My husband did just that. He came back home and we worked it out. Hubby was not gone for days but the same day. We did work it out. If my hubby ever cheated on me do I have the right to bitc* and complain? I just know that I never want to put that hurt on him again. My hubby and I have been married for over 12 yrs. now. What I did happened in our first 6 months of marriage. My husband is one of the good men. When we debate he does not bring up what I did and never hits below the belt. I am so blessed and I am ashamed of what I did. I let out my feelings and shameness but I hope anyone reading my comment will think differently. I beat myself up for what I did. I hope anyone reading my comment gets something out of my comment. : The grass is not always greener on the other side and a ex is a ex for a reason.