By Aja Dorsey Jackson
Before my husband and I got married, I remember going back and forth for a few days with myself over what I wanted as my married name. At the time my husband told me he pretty much didn’t care. I ended up dropping my maiden name completely and taking my husband’s last name as my own based primarily upon the fact that I like the way my middle name sounds with my first name.
Now if you are actually looking at my name under the title of this post, Dorsey is my maiden name. Yes, I dropped it legally when I changed my name, but when I started writing I realized that most of my clips were under Aja Dorsey, so it made more sense to call myself Aja Dorsey Jackson when I was sending in writing samples so that people would make the right connection. (If you are looking at my first name, I’m willing to bet you a dollar that you’re pronouncing it wrong in your head. It’s pronounced Ay-Juh, like Asia with a hard “j”. Now slap your hand for me for pronouncing it wrong!)
I realize now that after all of the internal debate, in the end the name change doesn’t really matter as much as I thought it would. In addition to the fact that nine out of ten people pronounce my first name wrong, all of the kids in my daughter’s class, who has a different father and a different last name, call me by her last name and I still answer to it. Dropping my maiden name never made me forget who I was before, and bringing it back for professional reasons doesn’t make me forget who I am now. A rose by any other name right?
But I am curious to know, ladies how did you or will you change your name and why? For the men, does how your wife changes her name make a difference to you?
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. She is author of the blog www.babybumping.blogspot.com and can be reached at ajadorsey@hotmail.com.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
When I got married, I ask my “pre-husband” if it mattered to him, and he said that it didn’t. But in the end, I decided to hyphenate my name. Mainly because I had just graduated from high school (yeah I know), so my maiden name is what everyone knew me by. People at my kids school call me by my husbands last name only, but I don’t mind because either name still equates “me”.
I chose to hyphenate my name b/c I just love my last name….lol!
It was important to my husband that we had the same last name so I chose to drop my maiden name and keep my middle name (my grandmother’s name). I did mourn my maiden name for a little while. It was hard to get used to but I love having the same last name as my husband.
I’m not married and have been adamantly opposed to changing my name… until recently. I realize that it is going to be a gametime decision when I do get married. I can decide all I want to right now, but in the end, I’ll do whatever feels right and makes both of us happy.
I used to be adamant that I would not take my husband’s last name. However, we finally decided to just add his last name to my last name, and the kids we don’t have (yet?) are going to have both last names. No hyphen. I know that some people will try to only use the husband’s last name, since there will be no hyphen, but I’m going to make sure, for example, the new ID i’ll get, and my email address at work reflect the correct name.
Although not married, I will take my husbands last name, however, it will stay the same at my workplace. Why, b/c it would be a lot to change everything and then I’ve built a reputation with my current name, and would prefer to keep it this way.
I dropped my maiden name and took my husband’s name. I rebelled against the tradition of my own family because there was no rhyme or reason to me walking around with my maiden name as my middle name. It just didn’t make sense to me.
Then, when it came time to name our first child, my family wanted me to go the same route they went. My brother’s middle name is my mom’s maiden name. I just didn’t see my son having that name at all. LOL My husband didn’t see him having any similar name as the rest of his family (with the exception of the last name, of course), so we went with what we heard through prayer.
Now our daughter, when she comes along will have my mother’s original middle name, my husband’s nickname for me, and my husband’s grandmother’s first name, then our last name. LOL We like it because her initials will be A.B.C. Hairston, and our nickname for her will be “Alphabet.” ROFL!
I have decided to change my last name. It’ll sound strange but I like my new one.
Teriffic that is similar to what I did. As much as you kind of don’t want to think about it, your name is kind of your “brand” professionally, depending on what career you’re in. If you’ve already developed your reputation based on one name its hard to change it in the middle. Plus Aja Dorsey or Aja Dorsey Jackson stands out a lot more than Aja Jackson which is why I use that professionally.
I chose to change my last name…But not until after we had our first son. I LOVE my first and middle names and often did not use my maiden name really. But it seemed more urgent and more important to me when I gave birth to our son. It seemed more official…We were a family. Last name the same or not though…it didn’t matter much. I will always be me.
I changed my last name the Monday after we married. New driver’s license and social security card. Keeping my maiden last name was not a big deal to me. At that time, I did not have a career or anything so nothing was tied to my maiden last name. Now a lot is tied to my married name since basically everything I have done has occurred after being married such as graduating from college. But I still get occasional mail from my college alma mater with my maiden last name and I wonder “why did they do that” since I always went by my middle and husband’s last name in school.
My husband and I decided that hyphenating would be a fair compromise since I had published and presented under my maiden name. But, weeks before the wedding, I decided that I don’t always want to say both last names because of the hyphen and that I really liked the idea of having a family name especially when we have children. I also really, really like my maiden name which is not a common name (I’ve only met two people that aren’t related to me who have the same last name and I’m in my 30s). So I kept my first and middle name and now have two (unhyphenated) last names.
I added my husbands last name to my last name to give me two last names (no hyphen), but society including work has given me a hyphen. I wanted to keep my last name because it was important to me to have my father’s last name. Some people call me by my husband’s last name (only)and lots of people add the hyphen. I used to correct each and every person, but I’ve given up trying to correct people over the years. I know who I am and there are bigger fights to fight in the world than what people choose to call me. As long as they don’t call me late to dinner, I’m good to go:-)
Though I really love my middle name, I dropped it. I added his name as my last, using my maiden as my middle. Now I am trying to get rid of his. LOL We have been divorced for three years. I kept it because we have a son together. I thought my son would have a hard time if we had different last names. He really can care less. If I had known I would have changed my name when I get divorced. And now my ex is about to get married for the second time since our divorce. But I have a professional career, advanced degree and a house in my married name – oh well – such is life…….But when I get that Ph.D I don’t want his name on it all
Before I married my husband I asked him what he thought about me keeping my maiden name and he was like “sure you can keep it”, but as time went on he didn’t like it so much. I don’t know why, but it’s a sore topic for him. I always remind him that I did ask him before we said “I do”. I’m glad I kept my last name, I was 32 years old when I got married and dropping my name would have made me feel as if I had lost something. I did drop my middle initial, but my father gave me his name it sounds good with my first name, futhermore my husband’s name complements it so well. I’m glad I kept my name and I’m happy to be Dedra Clark-McGee!
I waited until I was in my late 30’s to get married, not to mention I had an awful last name that no one could pronounce (& it was connected to my father who was never apart of my life) so sista girl here was more than happy to take my husband’s last name! LOL!
Professionally, I hyphenate because I published research before we married, with my maiden name. In some way, I wanted to honor my parents who didn’t get as far in school as I did by making their name present in my work. When it comes to our personal life though, I chose to use his last name. By the way Aja, I married a Jackson too.
I wanted to change my last name..so I did a few months after we got married.
I will hyphenate.
When I got married I took my husbands name on my wedding certificate. When I went to the Social Security office I wanted to Hyphenate due to business and they said no problem. I was always told it had to be what was on your wedding certificate. Obviously not. Now I can be recognized at work and go by husband’s name at home.
I did what all the women in my family have done for generations, which is drop my middle name and use my maiden name as my middle name. What annoys me is that people assume that I am doing the 2-last-name thing, which I am not. I am more than happy just to be known as Mrs. M. I think more and more people are doing the 2 last name thing and people just assume. I am published under my maiden name though so I publish under that still.
I have a very common last name, so from the time I was a little girl I just assumed I would take my husband’s last name (presuming it would be more interesting than mine). However, I got married a little later in life and was faced with the decision of letting go of what seemed like part of my identity. But, the more I thought about it, the more the traditionalist in me took hold. I kept my maiden name for professional purposes and on the personal front I took my husband’s last name but kept my maiden name as my middle name.