Are Your Parents The “B” Grandparents?
By Tara Pringle Jefferson
Ever since I became a card-carrying member of the Parenthood Society, I’ve noticed a trend.
When both sets of grandparents are still alive, the maternal grandparents more than likely are the “A’ grandparents, the ones that the kids prefer. The paternal grandparents, while still cool, tend to occupy “B” status.
My kids are still a little too young to have favorites, but already I’m noticing my side of the family comes around a lot more often than my husband’s. I also notice that when my husband’s family members come over, they’re a bit more timid in interacting with the kids. Why is that?
My mom told me she was glad she had three daughters, because she feels she will be a better grandmother because it’s a straight shot - her baby is having a baby. See how easy that rolls off the tongue? It’s a bit more awkward to say, ”My son’s wife is having a baby.”
BMWK family, is this trend true in your family? Do your kids prefer the maternal grandparents? When you were a kid, were your mom’s parents cooler than your dad’s?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She writes at http://theyoungmommylife.com, where she discusses the realities of being a 20something mom.
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I defintely agree. My mom comes to visit twice a month while my inlaws didn’t met my youngest until he was 18 months. Hubby’s family are much closer to his sister’s children than ours. I think it hurts him at times and me too because I know he wants our children to know both sides.
The question is, what will become of me since I have TWO boys…
I think its the opposite with my kids. One, my parents aren’t together and my father lives in Florida so my kids don’t see him often at all while my husbands parents are together and live close so they spend more time with them. My mom also has other grandchildren while my son is a first for my husbands parents so they watch him a lot more than my mom does. It was the same way for me though. I was always closer with my father’s family growing up than my mother’s.
This is an interesting point and true to an extent. I think it depends on how close a daughter-in-law is to her mother-in-law that would make the difference. I was just as closer or closer to my father’s mother. I think it depends on how the child interacts with the “B” grandparents that builds the relationship. I just lost my “B” grandmother a few months ago and I have fond memories of the two of us.
You know what!? I never thought about that and thinking about it , it’s so true!!!….this is a good topic
I noticed the same thing with my child and my brother’s children. I think a woman doesn’t mind becoming involved in the mothering of a child so long as the mother is her own daughter but when the mother is just another woman even though it is her son’s wife there is a standoff-ish attitude; possibly out of respect and not wanting to overstep boundaries.
wow, I thought it was just in my family that this happens to. My parents are definately the “A” grandparents and my husbands parents are the “B” grandparents. My husbands parents are not as giving and willing with our children as my parents are. My children prefer to stay over my mom’s house because my mom is more interactive with them.
I completely agree. My daughter is closer to my mom. It sometimes hurt my feelings that my husbands mom doesn’t take the extra mile to be closer to her also. My mom is very hands on and demands her grand parenting time. LOL. His mom doesn’t.But I also think as mothers sometimes we cut off our nose to spite our face. For example, it kind of goes w/o saying that I feel more comfortable with my mom than I do his. So I believe that my mom-in-law pulls back because I make her feel strange. Which is only natural for me. I teach and raise my child the things I was taught, and the way I was brought up, so I know my mom will treat her the way I treat her. His mom NO.
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