I’ve Been To Prison
by Harriet Hairston
L’il Wayne is on his way to prison, and T.I. is on his way out. I’m sure an existence behind bars is nothing short of nightmarish. I’ve been there, done that. Yet every single day, some people choose to create a prison within their minds that keeps them stuck in solitary confinement. I’ve been to that horrible place.
- You have to watch your back on every turn, otherwise another offender may attack you. In a marriage, a person’s spouse may have done something wrong, and if that offense is not forgiven, everything that spouse does from that point on is colored through the lens of that wrong doing.
- Everything you say is scrutinized. In a marriage, disagreements quickly degenerate to historical arguments about what a spouse did or didn’t do in the past, and that historical record is rehearsed in the mind of the offended spouse over and over again.
- You have no privacy at all. Whatever is on an offended person’s heart regarding any wrong doing will inevitably utter from their lips.
- You lose your identity. Because a person has not forgiven the wrong doing, they begin to transform into the very person that did them wrong! In a marriage, it may not be an outright act of revenge, but because an offense has not been forgiven, it shuts off the fountain for positive emotional development.
- I don’t think I had one good night’s rest when I was in that place. Not ONE. I couldn’t sleep because pictures of the offense kept playing over and over again on the HD screen of my mind.
Such is life for a person who insists upon holding grudges, refusing to forgive the person that offended them. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…unforgiveness is TOXIC! It not only poisons marriages, but also physical bodies. Studies have shown that holding grudges can cause cardiovascular disorders, ulcers, loss of hair, pain disorders and compromised immune systems. During this era of swine flu, it would behoove anybody to give forgiveness a try. LOL
Delores Williams wrote an article containing seven keys to forgiving others. Here is a summary of those keys:
- To forgive, you need to be the one that was injured. Stop taking on the offenses of other people and holding them against someone that did you no harm.
- Forgiveness does not absolve a person of the accountability regarding their offense against you. It simply frees a person from the prison of a grudge.
- Since it is an act of grace, forgiveness must be unconditional. This does not mean to cast off all common sense. It simply means that an offender is no longer taking up rent free space in your mind and emotions.
- Forgiveness is an empowering act for the forgiver, not the offender.
- Forgiveness may take time. Some offenses have deep roots and a person may not be able to untangle the web in one sitting. Give yourself some time, but make up your mind to forgive.
- Forgiveness is emotionally and spiritually liberating, and you will find yourself more open to ask forgiveness for your own transgressions when you forgive others of theirs.
- Forgiveness is a CHOICE, not a feeling, much like love is an action, not an emotion.
BMWK, how have you dealt with the offenses of others–more specifically–your spouse? Is there anything that your spouse could do that you would consider unforgivable?
God bless!
Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons. You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.
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