by Harriet Hairston
L’il Wayne is on his way to prison, and T.I. is on his way out. I’m sure an existence behind bars is nothing short of nightmarish. I’ve been there, done that. Yet every single day, some people choose to create a prison within their minds that keeps them stuck in solitary confinement. I’ve been to that horrible place.
- You have to watch your back on every turn, otherwise another offender may attack you. In a marriage, a person’s spouse may have done something wrong, and if that offense is not forgiven, everything that spouse does from that point on is colored through the lens of that wrong doing.
- Everything you say is scrutinized. In a marriage, disagreements quickly degenerate to historical arguments about what a spouse did or didn’t do in the past, and that historical record is rehearsed in the mind of the offended spouse over and over again.
- You have no privacy at all. Whatever is on an offended person’s heart regarding any wrong doing will inevitably utter from their lips.
- You lose your identity. Because a person has not forgiven the wrong doing, they begin to transform into the very person that did them wrong! In a marriage, it may not be an outright act of revenge, but because an offense has not been forgiven, it shuts off the fountain for positive emotional development.
- I don’t think I had one good night’s rest when I was in that place. Not ONE. I couldn’t sleep because pictures of the offense kept playing over and over again on the HD screen of my mind.
Such is life for a person who insists upon holding grudges, refusing to forgive the person that offended them. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…unforgiveness is TOXIC! It not only poisons marriages, but also physical bodies. Studies have shown that holding grudges can cause cardiovascular disorders, ulcers, loss of hair, pain disorders and compromised immune systems. During this era of swine flu, it would behoove anybody to give forgiveness a try. LOL
Delores Williams wrote an article containing seven keys to forgiving others. Here is a summary of those keys:
- To forgive, you need to be the one that was injured. Stop taking on the offenses of other people and holding them against someone that did you no harm.
- Forgiveness does not absolve a person of the accountability regarding their offense against you. It simply frees a person from the prison of a grudge.
- Since it is an act of grace, forgiveness must be unconditional. This does not mean to cast off all common sense. It simply means that an offender is no longer taking up rent free space in your mind and emotions.
- Forgiveness is an empowering act for the forgiver, not the offender.
- Forgiveness may take time. Some offenses have deep roots and a person may not be able to untangle the web in one sitting. Give yourself some time, but make up your mind to forgive.
- Forgiveness is emotionally and spiritually liberating, and you will find yourself more open to ask forgiveness for your own transgressions when you forgive others of theirs.
- Forgiveness is a CHOICE, not a feeling, much like love is an action, not an emotion.
BMWK, how have you dealt with the offenses of others–more specifically–your spouse? Is there anything that your spouse could do that you would consider unforgivable?
God bless!
Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons. You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.
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A pharmacist 70 years of age pleaded innocent to charges of stealing prescription painkillers and trading them for sexual favors. Police said they began investigating P. Lussier after receiving tips that he was trading Vicodin, an addictive pain reliever, to a woman in her 30s in exchange for sex. Detective Sgt. S. H. said Lussier was carrying 100 pills when they arrested him as he left work at a Brooks Pharmacy in Palmer, Massachusetts on Wednesday evening.Lussier was arraigned Thursday on charges including drug trafficking and larceny of a controlled substance. He was ordered held on $100,000 bail. Police said they found thousands of prescription pills, including Oxycontin, Oxycodone and Viagra, when they searched Lussier’s home on Wednesday. They also found two .38-caliber handguns, Haley said.Lussier’s lawyer, Brian L. Blackburn, said his client has not been charged with any offenses in 21 years. In 1984, Lussier, then the owner of a Springfield pharmacy, received two years’ probation after pleading guilty to two counts of illegally dispensing the painkiller Percodan. In 1977, he was sentenced to 2 1/2 years in prison after pleading guilty to selling thousands of dollars’ worth of stimulants and depressants to undercover narcotics agents, this indicates in his article on findrxonline addiction of vicodin.
I have never been to prison nor anyone I know. If my hubby or ex hubby touched my child I would be in prison and not them, they would have got a bullet between the eyes. If my hubby went to prison for a crime I knew in my heart he did not commit, I would support him and build my dream team to get him out.
As we get older and have been bumped, bruised and hurt forgiveness can truly become a more difficult thing to do. I watch my children play and listen to their stories from school and it is amazing how easy it is for their young hearts to forgive. Ashamed we walk away from that gift as we get older, usually when we need it most.
In my studies I have heard two preachers say two profound things about forgiveness. One is, “Not forgiving a person is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies” the other “How dare we go to God the Father to ask for forgiveness lest we are able to forgive one another right here on earth, who do you think you are?”.
Ever ask yourself the questions, How does God continually forgive me? How bad must it hurt Him when I do Him wrong knowing He will never retaliate? How is it that He is always waiting for my return so that HE can give me what He has in store for me? How great is He that He can wipe my slate clean every time I ask? Why He gave us a Son that died for us, uttering in pain for our forgiveness, by His design? Brings me to one final question. How can we not forgive one another especially those to whom we are committed in Spirit through marriage or are intented to marry? I understand that sometimes hurt will cause us to feel that a person that we love can not be trusted or forgiven. However we should be very careful in making that assumption and allowing that feeling to take root. Where there is love there is always forgiveness. We just need to learn to deal with the other feelings involved separately, stay prayerful, faithful, hopeful and you will be amazed at the things God will and time will release you from.
Be Blessed,
RiverAngel42
http://onlinefellowship.org
“Enhancing and Promoting Christian Fellowship”
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